Skip to main content

10 Excuses to Go Home Early from Work

My friend, Miranda, emailed me today with a very short "I'm bored." We started thinking of ways she could get out of work early and come over to play. This list is the result. I hope it helps all of you.

Warning: Some of these excuses may be considered tasteless, while others may be far too flavorful.

1. Go in the ladies room and vomit, then tell your supervisor you are sick. This method is used, and abused too often, so chunks of on your shirt, or clear evidence of puke-breath is essential.

2. Chop off a small limb, but only if you work in a machine shop. In an office, a paper cut will get you a day off, but you spend the day filling out workers compensation papers.

3. Paint red dots on your face and tell your coworkers that a swarm of bees attacked you in the copy room.

4. If the cafeteria is serving split pea soup or New England clam chowder, dump a bowl on your computer keyboard. You will have to pay the guys in tech support a twenty to keep quiet, because they've seen this one a hundred times.

5. Have someone impersonate Ed McMahon and show up at your desk with balloons and TV cameras and a check for 10 million dollars.

6. Shave your head in the men's room and tell everyone you caught cancer over lunch.

7. Have a friend who collects automatic weapons charge into the office shooting. The friend doesn't actually have to shoot anyone to give everyone the day off.

8. Get a large baked potato and place it in the back of your underwear and run around the office saying "Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now!" Chocolate pudding also works well.

9. If you work night shift, start howling at the full moon. Caution, only use this excuse once a month.

10. If you work for a utility company, discreetly light your hair on fire, then holding a dead wire, dance around screaming "zzzt, zzzzzzttt, ZZZZZZZTTT" with your teeth clenched.


Popular posts from this blog

Friday Funnies: a couple LOLcats and one shameless plug

Is this the new flavor at Kungaloosh Gourmet Tea Company?

Friday Funnies: Funny Retail Signs

Well, it's Friday so maybe you're planning to do a little shopping tonight. Watch carefully, and you might find some entertaining retail signage such as these. Here's a collection of funny retail signs from around the globe, mostly from the good old USA.

If you're planning to stay overnight, make sure you have a shilling and a few extra pence if you need to stable your horse. Here are the Rules of Inn.

After Christmas wrapping paper goes on sale, and so does Rapping paper, apparently.

Special offers are everywhere! You can get two drinks for the price of two! Don't worry, after four you won't notice how much you're spending anyhow.

Sometimes no caption is necessary.

But I'm so hot.  I'm sure everyone inside doesn't mind looking at me.

I didn't even bother going inside.  Clearly I would violate several of these store rules.

This was seen on a Dairy Queen drive through.  I always keep my secret ice cream money in my underwear.

You should pay a…

How United Airlines Should Have Handled the Situation

United Airlines is under fire for a viral video that shows them removing a passenger forcibly from an airplane bound for Louisville Kentucky.
Here are the bullets:

The plane was already loaded and full.The airline needed to fly four employees to Louisville Kentucky on the plane. The employees needed to go to prevent another plane from departing late.The airline offered $800 in compensation to the first four people who would volunteer to give up their seats. No one took the offer.The airline went to a lottery, drawing for people at random. These four people were asked to leave the plane, and they would receive the compensation.One of the passengers refused to leave. It's unclear how things escalated, however he was removed by security officers. Reports are conflicting about whether the officers were police officers, TSA workers, or airline staff.The gentleman was literally physically dragged down the aisle receiving while screaming in protest and physically abused in the process.Ap…