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10 Excuses to Go Home Early from Work

My friend, Miranda, emailed me today with a very short "I'm bored." We started thinking of ways she could get out of work early and come over to play. This list is the result. I hope it helps all of you.

Warning: Some of these excuses may be considered tasteless, while others may be far too flavorful.

1. Go in the ladies room and vomit, then tell your supervisor you are sick. This method is used, and abused too often, so chunks of on your shirt, or clear evidence of puke-breath is essential.

2. Chop off a small limb, but only if you work in a machine shop. In an office, a paper cut will get you a day off, but you spend the day filling out workers compensation papers.

3. Paint red dots on your face and tell your coworkers that a swarm of bees attacked you in the copy room.

4. If the cafeteria is serving split pea soup or New England clam chowder, dump a bowl on your computer keyboard. You will have to pay the guys in tech support a twenty to keep quiet, because they've seen this one a hundred times.

5. Have someone impersonate Ed McMahon and show up at your desk with balloons and TV cameras and a check for 10 million dollars.

6. Shave your head in the men's room and tell everyone you caught cancer over lunch.

7. Have a friend who collects automatic weapons charge into the office shooting. The friend doesn't actually have to shoot anyone to give everyone the day off.

8. Get a large baked potato and place it in the back of your underwear and run around the office saying "Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now!" Chocolate pudding also works well.

9. If you work night shift, start howling at the full moon. Caution, only use this excuse once a month.

10. If you work for a utility company, discreetly light your hair on fire, then holding a dead wire, dance around screaming "zzzt, zzzzzzttt, ZZZZZZZTTT" with your teeth clenched.

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