The Figure Model
An artist had been working on nude portraits for a long time. Every day, he was up early and worked late - bringing perfection with every stroke of his paint brush. As each day passed, he gained a better understanding of the female body and was able to really make his paintings shine.
After a month, the artist had become very weary from this non-stop effort and decided to take it easy for the day.
Since, Karen, his model, had already shown up, he suggested they merely have a glass of wine and talk - since normally he preferred to do his painting in silence. They talked for a few hours, got to know each other better, and enjoyed each other's company.
Then as they were sipping their wine, the artist heard a car arriving outside. He jumped up and said,"OH NO It's my wife! Quick, take off your clothes!"
A woman standing naked in front of bedroom mirror says to her husband, “I feel fat and I feel ugly, pay me a compliment darling.”
The husband replies, “Well your eyesight’s spot on!”