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Friday Funnies: Las Vegas

Voices: Go to Las Vegas

There's a guy who lives in Ohio. One morning, he hears a voice in his head. The voice says, ''Quit your job, sell your house, take all your money, and go to Las Vegas.''

He ignores the voice. Later in the day, he hears the voice again. ''Quit your job, sell your house, take all your money, and go to Las Vegas.''

Again, he ignores the voice. Soon he hears the voice every minute of the day. ''Quit your job, sell your house, take all your money, and move to Las Vegas.''

He can't take it anymore. He believes the voice. He quits his job, sells his house, takes all his money, and flies to Las Vegas. As soon as he steps off the plane, the voice says, ''Go to Caesar's Palace.''

He goes to Caesar's Palace and the voice says, ''Make your way to the roulette tables.''

He goes to the roulette tables and the voice says, ''Put all your money on red 23.''

He puts all his money on red 23. The dealer spins the wheel. It comes up black 17.

The voice says, ''Fuck.''

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The Blonde and the Two Dealers

Two bored dealers are waiting around for someone to walk up and try their luck at the craps table. A very attractive lady comes in and wants to bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. The dealers agree.

She says, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm half naked." With that she strips naked from the waist down, and rolls the dice while yelling, "Momma needs a new pair of pants!" She then begins jumping up and down and hugging each of the dealers.

"YES! I WIN! I WIN!" With that she picks up her money and clothes and quickly leaves.

The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally one of them asks, "What did she roll anyway?" The other answers, "I don't know. I thought YOU were watching the dice!"

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A Vegas Trick

A man comes home to find his wife packing her bags. "Where are you going?" demands the surprised husband.

"To Las Vegas! I found out that there are men that will pay me $500 to do what I do for you for free!"

The man pondered that thought for a moment, and then began packing HIS bags.

"What do you think you are doing?" she screamed.

"I'm going to Las Vegas with you... I want to see how you're going to live on $1000 a year!"

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Sunfyre's Google Glass Fundraiser (a.k.a. shameless begging)

Well, Google Glass went on sale today for a limited time to the general public.

Unfortunately, I can't exactly spare $1500 right now.… Commence shameless begging!

I try not to play the "help the disabled guy" card.  It goes against my nature. But in this case, I figured I'd make an exception (at least this is how I'm rationalizing it in my own head).

Google Glass has amazing potential for people like me. I can't use my arms or legs any longer. I use my voice recognition software to type, design websites, write articles and marketing plans for clients.

In the era of smart phones, they aren't very friendly to people like me. Most of them can't be navigated with a mouse, and even Apple's Siri doesn't do a great job with voice activation. First, you have to press a button just to get her attention.

but with this device, which connects through my android phone, I'd be able to read email and navigate my basic telephone functions with wearable g…