Skip to main content

I'm Going to Be the Next American Idol

Well, if geeks had an idol, I'm going to be it, or at least make an attempt. My favorite show (yes, it's on G4TV) is Attack of the Show. It's my personal daily retreat into geekdom. I'm going to be the new host!

The show is pretty much made for me. It has segments about software, games, technology news, DVDs, and music. That's all well and good, but even for me, rather boring. What makes this show great is its smart and somewhat cynical sense of humor. It's a show for geeks, by geeks, who also enjoy laughing at geeks.

Anyhow, long story short, one of the three hosts (actually, the one I liked best) left the show rather suddenly a few months ago. They made due with guest hosts from other shows for eight or ten weeks, and now they are actively recruiting.

They decided to hold open casting calls in San Francisco, New York, and their home base of Los Angeles. The LA and San Francisco calls are over, and New York is this weekend.

I'm going.

It sounds incredibly stupid. A guy, and somewhat ugly guy at that, is going to attempt to become a super television star, well, a minor personality on a third or forth tier cable network at least.

"Why?" You ask.

Good question. First, my true love career is broadcasting. I studied radio and television broadcasting for three of my four years in college before an honest and genuine academic adviser told me "Jason, you have a television voice, but a radio face."

He wasn't being cruel. He just knew that television stations don't hire baby-faced guys in wheelchairs with crooked teeth. He also knew that my voice doesn't pop enough to guarantee a steady job in radio.

That was in 1990, and times have changed. I hope the world is nearly ready for the first severely disabled minor celebrity. Maybe not, but I'm going to give it a try.

Here's my pitch... I figure that shortly after I become host, word will start circulating among the population of disabled Americans. Few will believe that any show hired a gimp like me. There are approximately six million severely disabled people in the U.S. If I can capture the Male 12-34 (G4's key demographic) segment, I should persuade maybe 5% of that six million to watch regularly. That's 300,000 new viewers. I haven't been able to secure official television ratings for Attack of the Show but my guesstimate is that 300,000 new viewers would about double the current regular viewers. No other host could hope to have that draw, at least not another unknown.

I'd be the Uhura of the disabled. (Only a true geek would understand.)

Furthermore, my demographic is even better than the typical 12-34 year old males. Heck, all we do is sit around in front of televisions or computers!

Anyhow, Saturday morning I'm off to New York City for the audition. Wish me luck!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

People who died on the toilet (real people and fictional characters)

Famous people who died on the toilet. Here is an extensive list of real people who died on the throne. Elvis Presley died of an overdose, falling off the toilet into a pile of his own vomit. Judy Garland died of an overdose discovered slumped over her toilet. King George II of Britain suffered a heart attack while sitting on the toilet. Wenceslaus III of Bohemia assassinated with a spear while he sat on the toilet. Godfrey IV, Duke of Lower Lorraine, was attacked by an assassin while sitting on the toilet. He died a week after the attack. Japanese warlord Uesugi Kenshin was assassinated with a spear while sitting on the toilet. British author Evelyn Waugh, who coincidently also married a woman named Evelyn, died on his toilet. Some believe he drowned in it, however his official cause of death was heart failure. Famed architect Louis Kahn suffered a heart attack and died on the toilet in New York City’s Penn station. One of the early Christian preachers, Arius, had been condemned as a…

More Realistic Anniversary Gift Traditions

New Anniversary Gifts Destined to become Traditional My wife and I have been married for 20 years today. Over the past 20 years I made efforts each year to observe the traditional anniversary gifts. Some of them are certainly more difficult than others, and many of them are hard to find gift worthy in the modern age.
Therefore, I offer you a modern take on anniversary gifts. How many of these will become traditional?
First Anniversary – The Ramen Noodle anniversary. Let’s face it, you blew $30,000 on the wedding, and your student loan debt hasn’t gone anywhere. Share a Cup O’ Noodles. Eat with chopsticks on the floor because you can’t yet afford a couch.
Second Anniversary – The Puppy Anniversary. She’s been looking at you with those eyes that say she wants to start a family, but you just bought a new couch. Get her a puppy instead.
Third Anniversary – The Kinky Lingerie Anniversary. Leather, silk or lace can re-fire the engines after a year of flannel pajamas that smell like the puppy,…

How United Airlines Should Have Handled the Situation

United Airlines is under fire for a viral video that shows them removing a passenger forcibly from an airplane bound for Louisville Kentucky.
Here are the bullets:

The plane was already loaded and full.The airline needed to fly four employees to Louisville Kentucky on the plane. The employees needed to go to prevent another plane from departing late.The airline offered $800 in compensation to the first four people who would volunteer to give up their seats. No one took the offer.The airline went to a lottery, drawing for people at random. These four people were asked to leave the plane, and they would receive the compensation.One of the passengers refused to leave. It's unclear how things escalated, however he was removed by security officers. Reports are conflicting about whether the officers were police officers, TSA workers, or airline staff.The gentleman was literally physically dragged down the aisle receiving while screaming in protest and physically abused in the process.Ap…