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Introducing Our New CEO

SunFyre Magazine has a new CEO, at least for a couple days. Michael, a.k.a. Thunderbot, didn't submit a bio, but I've gotten to know him a little. I'll tell you what little I know, I'll embellish a little, and I'll flat out lie for the rest. You get to figure out what is what.

Michael "Thunderbot" Amadeus Mozart was born to an upper-middle class poor family. He lived in the poorest, most run down section of his entire housing development. His father barely made six figures. That's only one figure per mouth-to-feed. (Michael only had two siblings, but one of them had two mouths.)

Thunderbot got his nickname at a young age. The "bot" part came because Michael is a power wheelchair user, and kids in school thought he looked like a robot. Michael says the "thunder" comes from a thundering personally, but we thought that sounded like bullshiit, so we called his mother.

Mama, who coincidentally is named Wolfgang, told us the true tail. Apparently, Michael loved to eat prunes as a baby. She'd feed him his favorite snack almost daily, and like clockwork, about 20 minutes later, his bowels would begin to rumble. The sound would get so loud, the neighbors on the cul-de-sac would gather their children out of the swimming pools, fearing an approaching storm. Then "Thunder" as he became known, would release one squeaky little fart and one little turd. After a while, the neighbors became accustomed, and when they heard the noise they'd sigh and say "it's not a storm, it's only Thunder."

Thunderbot now lives in Erie, Pennsylvania and is active in a local marching band and the Knights of Columbus. He works as a professional advocate for physically disabled people and band fags. He is also a member of Toastmasters and begins every speech with the words "This one time, at gimp camp..."

Thunderbot attended Edinboro University of Pennsylvania and has a Masters degree in counseling. He also has a Ph.D. in veterinary medicine from a $395 online degree program. He was given the doctorate based on life experience after explaining how he once saved a beached whale, almost. He's hoping to open a veterinary practice, as soon as the Attorney General's case against his Alma Mater is dismissed.

His greatest desire is to ask Angelina Jolie to make sweet love. His greatest fear is that she'll say yes.

We'd like to welcome Thunder to his new position as CEO. We will kneel before him in humility and reverence, at least until some other guy comes by and donates 20 bucks.


Thunderbot Responds...

Michael, a.k.a. CEO Thunderbot, responds to his biography. Apparently he doesn't care at all about the content and quality of SunFyre Magazine, but wants his history accurately portrayed... here's the "truth" according to "The Bot".

My Darling SunFyre Readers,

As the new CEO of Sunfyre, I feel it is my duty to accurately update the bio written for me. As you may know, the author’s writing experience was gained during an intership at CBS. There he learned the journalistic skill of “fact or fiction, it’s all the same to us.” I will endeavor to correct the inaccuracies in red, to give you a better understanding of my colorful past. Shall we begin?

Michael "Thunderbot" Amadeus Mozart was born to an upper-middle class poor family. He lived in the poorest, most run down section of his entire housing development. (Not true. Sunfyre’s section was worse, but he won’t admit it. )

His father barely made six figures. That's only one figure per mouth-to-feed. Michael only had two siblings, but one of them had two mouths. (Wrong. He had two mouths because he had two heads. He was our Summer income on the County Fair circuit. )

Thunderbot got his nickname at a young age. The "bot" part came because Michael is a power wheelchair user, and kids in school thought he looked like a robot. Michael says the "thunder" comes from a thundering personally, but we thought that sounded like bullshiit, so we called his mother. (I have a philosophy, if you can’t correctly spell the curse word, you can’t use the curse word. Hey, Sunfyre. You spell “b---sh--” with one “i,” not two.)

Mama, who coincidentally is named Wolfgang, (That’s her middle name. Her first name is Estergarden) told us the true tail. Apparently, Michael loved to eat prunes as a baby. She'd feed him his favorite snack almost daily, and like clockwork, about 20 minutes later, his bowels would begin to rumble. The sound would get so loud, the neighbors on the cul-de-sac would gather their children out of the swimming pools, fearing an approaching storm. Then "Thunder" as he became known, would release one squeaky little fart and one little turd. After a while, the neighbors became accustomed, and when they heard the noise they'd sigh and say "it's not a storm, it's only Thunder." (Ok, this part is true.)

Thunderbot now lives in Erie, Pennsylvania and is active in a local marching band (It’s not a marching band you @#*% idiot, it’s a drum corps!) and the Knights of Columbus. He works as a professional advocate for physically disabled people and band fags (@#*% drum corps). He is also a member of Toastmasters and begins every speech with the words "This one time, at gimp camp..."

Thunderbot attended Edinboro University of Pennsylvania and has a Masters degree in counseling. He also has a Ph.D. in veterinary medicine from a $395 online degree program. He was given the doctorate based on life experience after explaining how he once saved a beached whale, almost. He's hoping to open a veterinary practice, as soon as the Attorney General's case against his Alma Mater is dismissed. (Even if I never practice again, it’s still a great pick-up line. Women love animals, and the vets who heal them.)

His greatest desire is to ask Angelina Jolie to make sweet love. His greatest fear is that she'll say yes. (I agree that Angelina is a beautiful woman and very desirable, but my true fantasy woman is Kathy Ireland. She has the most incredible eyes…the kind of eyes …you could get lost in…ok, I know, she’s married and has kids. So what! It’s not like I would ever have a shot…even if she wasn’t married. Curse you, Sunfyre for bringing up these feelings I’ve kept so deep for so long! (sob!))

We'd like to welcome Thunder to his new position as CEO. We will kneel before him in humility and reverence, (yeah, right) at least until some other guy comes by and donates 20 bucks. (Don’t hold your breath!)


You too can be CEO of the Day.

Thunder doesn't currently have a website, so I guess he's living vicariously through SunFyre. Therefore, his photo isn't linked. If you become CEO, even you can have your picture on our home page, several article pages, and your very own bio page. And if you have a website, I'll even link it from your picture.

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