Skip to main content

Attack of the Double Cheeseburger

My friend, Mandy, got one of those books with lots of "get to know you" questions. So we are going to try an experiment this evening and see how it goes. She's going to ask me a question and I'm going to answer truthfully... but I'm going to do it here!

I don't know the questions before they are asked.

Question #1... What is one mistake no one will let you forget?

Shortly after I got married my wife and I got a small apartment. The bathroom was so small my shower/toilet chair wouldn't fit in. For the first couple years we were married I had to rely on bed baths, and, believe it or not, I did my bowel movements in the living room. You see, I'd roll a shower chair into the next room where Kristie would place a large bucket to catch my well, my cannonballs. I would sit there and watched television for half an hour like king of my castle.

One evening, she rolled me into the living room just at the beginning of my favorite show to do one of my favorite activities... taking a post-double-cheeseburger dump. After a minute or two things were progressing nicely, and I was enjoying the show. I made a rather large deposit in just a few minutes. The next moment Kristie walks into the room with the bucket in her hand and said "Sorry it took me so long, mom called on my cell phone and... oh my gosh... what did you do!"

Apparently the television show is so good I had completely forgotten to wait until Kristie placed the bucket strategically. There was a large brown steaming cheeseburger in my living room.

The good news is that we're still married... that's true love!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Friday Funnies: a couple LOLcats and one shameless plug

Is this the new flavor at Kungaloosh Gourmet Tea Company?

I'm Disabled and I Can Prove It

I'm disabled. 
I was born in 1970. About a year later I was diagnosed with spinal muscular atrophy. I never walked. I got my first wheelchair at kindergarten age, and my first power wheelchair in sixth grade.
Yet, around 4 to 6 times per year I have to, for one reason or another, prove that I'm disabled.
Granted, I'm 5 feet nothin', 112 pounds and sit in an electric wheelchair, but apparently that's just anecdotal evidence… We need science!
The Good Doctor
Every couple months I have to send my physician a form and ask him to fill it out. He has to state that I have spinal muscular atrophy, identify the diagnosis date, explained that my prognosis is something akin to "ain't getting better any time soon" and sign it.
With new Medicare regulations, the good doctor is not allowed to sign the said form without seeing me "face-to-face" to prevent fraud. Although I'm extraordinarily healthy, hospitalized last in 1996 for something unrelated to my dis…

Friday Funnies: Aging Gracefully

I pointed to two old drunks sitting across the bar from us and told my friend, "That's us in 10 years".

He said "That's a mirror, dip-shit!"
---