Skip to main content

Attack of the Double Cheeseburger

My friend, Mandy, got one of those books with lots of "get to know you" questions. So we are going to try an experiment this evening and see how it goes. She's going to ask me a question and I'm going to answer truthfully... but I'm going to do it here!

I don't know the questions before they are asked.

Question #1... What is one mistake no one will let you forget?

Shortly after I got married my wife and I got a small apartment. The bathroom was so small my shower/toilet chair wouldn't fit in. For the first couple years we were married I had to rely on bed baths, and, believe it or not, I did my bowel movements in the living room. You see, I'd roll a shower chair into the next room where Kristie would place a large bucket to catch my well, my cannonballs. I would sit there and watched television for half an hour like king of my castle.

One evening, she rolled me into the living room just at the beginning of my favorite show to do one of my favorite activities... taking a post-double-cheeseburger dump. After a minute or two things were progressing nicely, and I was enjoying the show. I made a rather large deposit in just a few minutes. The next moment Kristie walks into the room with the bucket in her hand and said "Sorry it took me so long, mom called on my cell phone and... oh my gosh... what did you do!"

Apparently the television show is so good I had completely forgotten to wait until Kristie placed the bucket strategically. There was a large brown steaming cheeseburger in my living room.

The good news is that we're still married... that's true love!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Marvels of the Science: Rocks and Things

My kids have a science test today. We've been studying rocks and minerals, erosion and weathering, and other science-y geology stuff all week.

All that work, and we just should have done in Internet search. After all, everything on the Internet is factual when it comes to science.

Here's a perfect example, a quick documentary that teaches us everything we know about rocks and 2 minutes and 43 seconds.

Stretch your brains!


The Least Scientific Nature Documentary Ever -- powered by Cracked.com

More Realistic Anniversary Gift Traditions

New Anniversary Gifts Destined to become Traditional My wife and I have been married for 20 years today. Over the past 20 years I made efforts each year to observe the traditional anniversary gifts. Some of them are certainly more difficult than others, and many of them are hard to find gift worthy in the modern age.
Therefore, I offer you a modern take on anniversary gifts. How many of these will become traditional?
First Anniversary – The Ramen Noodle anniversary. Let’s face it, you blew $30,000 on the wedding, and your student loan debt hasn’t gone anywhere. Share a Cup O’ Noodles. Eat with chopsticks on the floor because you can’t yet afford a couch.
Second Anniversary – The Puppy Anniversary. She’s been looking at you with those eyes that say she wants to start a family, but you just bought a new couch. Get her a puppy instead.
Third Anniversary – The Kinky Lingerie Anniversary. Leather, silk or lace can re-fire the engines after a year of flannel pajamas that smell like the puppy,…

An open letter to Emmanuel Macron, President of France

Dear Pres. Macron,

The President of the United States, Donald Trump, has been invited for the celebration of Bastille Day, a day for celebrating democracy and independence of the French people.

As a citizen of the United States, I encourage you to revoke the invitation. Donald Trump does not represent the vast majority of the American people. As you have stated publicly, if the United States is not going to support science, you have offered US scientists the option of emigrating to France for the continuation of their studies on climate change.

Additionally, Donald Trump has made his nationalist and blatantly racist feelings known on multiple occasions, again something I know that you personally find offensive.

The majority of Americans would support the decision for France to revoke his invitation. Citizens of the United States need to take responsibility for removing their country from a position of influence on the world stage. Our previous president, Barack Obama, strived to be a …