SunFyre...words from a seated position

I have a pre-Thanksgiving ritual. It's called Stomach Stretching Tuesday.

Every year on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving I gorge myself. I eat a lot to stretch the lining of my stomach. You see, that full feeling you get on Thanksgiving day, that bloated feeling that can only be described as walrus-like, is completely preventable using these easy steps.

Most of you tend to eat light for a few days before Thanksgiving. You want to eat a lot on the Holy Turkey Day, so you try to pinch calories for several days before.

The problem is that your stomach lining will actually shrink after about 48 hours. The acid in your stomach is reduced. If you don't exercise those so called "stomach muscles" as Fat Uncle Pete calls them, they go flabby.

Then, midway through helping #2, the pain begins. That's when you start talking about how you could have eaten four plates full when you were in your twenties. By the end of your second plate, you're forced to collapse on the sofa,…

One of my best friends is a little person. She's about 3 feet tall. She'll tell you 3 feet 2 inches, but I think that's with shoes. We are close. I can tell her short people jokes and she can make jokes me in a wheelchair. No hard feelings, but we know when to quit.

Anyhow, she was visiting this weekend and complained about neck pain. I suggested she try a massage therapist. Massage has done wonders for me. She was asking lots of questions, what to wear, etc. Finally, she asked about price.

I told her that $60-$70 is typical for an hour, but definitely schedule a full hour because half an hour cost $45 or $50.

She said,  "It seems rather steep... I wonder if I could get 'half-price'".

I was shocked, because I wouldn't even have gone there!