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Character Snapshot: Mansfield


"Mansfield" as I call him has been on 73 first dates and 0 seconds. Tonight makes number 74, although he stopped counting in the mid-30s. He's become a master of the first date.

He attended Mansfield University nine years ago for a semester and a half, accruing 15 credits in the process. On the 74th date he is wearing a Mansfield University basic gray T-shirt with white letters. It is simple, so he doesn't think of it as bragging, but he made sure to work the words "my alma mater, Mansfield University" into the conversation at some point during each date.

Mansfield isn't a bad looking man. He has curly red hair, which hides the fact that it's slightly thinning. It matches his red mustache, which is thick but well groomed. It doesn't stretch across his entire top lip, just a little broader than an Adolf Hitler. Subliminally, it made all of the women slightly uncomfortable, but only one person, a Jewish woman whose grandmother died in the prison camps, ever was able to pinpoint what made her uncomfortable. Number 26 left the date early without saying goodbye, just excused herself to use the restroom and disappeared.

Mansfield was a customer service representative for the cable company. It wasn't a bad job, but not particularly good either. It was a medium job.

In fact, everything about Mansfield was medium. His job was okay, paying well but not terribly interesting. He performed adequately at it. He was overweight, but not obese. He had a pleasant face, but not particularly handsome. He considered getting a tattoo, but never actually got one. He had talked about it on some of his dates. He drove a used Ford Taurus, well-maintained. He lives in a one bedroom apartment on the second floor which he keeps relatively tidy, just in case.

The only thing unusual about him at all was his red hair. Several times he'd been complimented on it, because it was his only unique feature. To this he replied the line he practiced, "Well, I know you're wondering, and yes, the drapes DO match the carpet." The cheesy line was successful at neutraling any positive effect of his red hair.

That was the problem with Mansfield, and why tonight his record would fall to 0-74. Mansfield was medium. Perfectly average in every way. There is nothing about him that made him a great catch, yet nothing about him so horrible that he would be strangely interesting. When the roommates of his 74 first dates would ask the women how it was, they all replied "Okay". When asked if they were going to see him again they replied, "Maybe."

Don't worry about Mansfield. He has a date next Saturday night that he's excited about.

Comments

  1. Looking forward to hearing more about "Mansfield!" How does he even get the dates in the first place, is what I want to know!

    ReplyDelete

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