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Showing posts from October, 2011

Halloween Is Ruined

Halloween has become a shadow of what it once was, thanks to pushy religious people, pansy school administrators, slutty college girls, urban myths and temporary Halloween shops!

So here is my rant!



Hey, religious nutballs... you don't have to dress your kid up or go trick-or-treating, but don't spoil it for the vast majority that have adopted this pagan holiday and made it kind of fun! Seriously, you don't like the devil, fine, dress like a hobo, a nerd or an Angry Bird and score yourself some Snickers and Peanut Butter Cups. Still nothing? Stay home with your porch light off. Actually, we don't Trick anymore. The whole "trick-or-treat" thing was just a ploy to get some candies. Actual tricking is a lot of work, and we're pretty lazy.  You got Easter and Christmas away from the pagans, and Jesus wasn't even born in December. Leave Halloween alone please.

Hey, Pansy School Administrators... First, you banned toy guns; soldiers and police officers are no …

Halloween Fun!

Halloween Fun!

A Trip to the Warehouse Club

I mentioned on my Facebook page my trip to Sam's Club yesterday. Here are a few things I didn't expect to see.

48 packs of diapers, but 108 packs of adult diapers, I guess they are betting on grandma.288 feminine napkins, 288 count box of chocolate bars, coincidence, I think not.For $400 I can get one of those signs with the flashing arrow and movie marquee letters. My next Fourth of July party will be easy to find.Prewrapped Christmas gifts -- now your company can buy a box of assorted prewrapped gifts. This says to your employees "I care about you enough to buy you a Christmas gift, but not enough to know what's in it or wrap it myself."50 pound bags of unpopped popcorn for about $40. So that means the movie theater margin is more than 99%.50 pound bags of uncooked rice for about $20. I'm opening a combination movie theater/Asian restaurant.Gigantic bags of chicken wings were more than I expected. Now I know why I have to pay six dollars for a Heineken on $…

Webcam Horror Show

My son, Jason, decided on "Jason" from Friday the 13th.  The kid's a natural.  Ch Ch ch ha ha haa!






Rules for Mom's Day Off

My wife has been rather stressed. Honestly, I probably have a lot to do with it. So, today I created a list of rules to give mom a day off from being mom. I printed them and hung them around the house for all to see.

I'll let you know how it works.

MOM'S DAY OFF
Today is Mom's Day off. Here are the rules. Obey them or get a beating.

You cannot use the word "Mom". Today you may call her "Miss Kristie" or "Mrs. Tweed".She cannot fix you food. Learn to get yourself a snack or starve. As a matter of fact, you should bring a snack for Mom too.If you need anything, ask Dad.We will be doing all of Mommy's chores. We will clean. We will take care of the pets.The only reason you can't interrupt mommy is to give her a hug, or if there is a fire. It better be a big fire, or a big hug.The house will be quiet. Loud children will have duct tape placed on their lips.No visitors.Answer the phone, answer the door, be polite and take a message.Mom gets th…