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Showing posts from January, 2012

Friday Funnies: Laughing at Death

Um, I'm OK!

Clem's pickup had been hit by a semi in an accident, and Clem was suing the trucking company for damages. In court, the trucking company's lawyer was questioning Clem. "Didn't you say, sir, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?'" asked the lawyer.

Clem responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into the -"

"I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'?"

Clem said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road -."

The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Your Honor, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the investigating Highway Patrolman that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. P…

Mitt Romney Pays $6 Million in Taxes. Was it enough?

Presidential candidate, Mitt Romney released his tax documents today. I won't go deep into specifics but generally he had about $20 million in income, and paid about $6 million in taxes over the past two years. If you do the math, it's roughly 15%.

You may be screaming, "but that's my tax rate! How unfair!"

Here's why you're wrong. Mitt Romney paid exactly the right amount of taxes.

If you made $10 million a year, and your tax rate was roughly 33%, wouldn't you try to save money? Of course you would. You would hire an accountant, and you would look for tax breaks, credits and discounts that would reduce the amount of money you have to pay.

Mr. Romney did this successfully, primarily by using a tax credit for large charitable donations. Mr. Romney donated about $1.6 million per year to his church and other charities. He gave away more money than he paid in taxes. Few readers of this blog made charitable donations at a higher rate than their personal ta…

NFL Conference Champion Predictions

I usually don't write much about sports. I'm an avid fan of the NFL and Formula One, and I love watching baseball and going to minor-league hockey games. But brighter minds than mine write about sports.

Some going to announce my picks for the Conference Championships. I won't go into extreme detail, I'm just going to document them here so when I'm bragging I can prove I picked the winners. If I'm wrong I may delete this post. :-) Just kidding.

The early game tomorrow is the Baltimore Ravens and the New England Patriots. I've liked Baltimore all season and figured they or Pittsburgh would represent the AFC. The Patriots are always a talented team, but didn't expect them to go deep.

Then, I watched the Patriots annihilate the Denver Broncos. They have the whole package, good defense and amazing offense. I'm taking the Patriots over the Ravens. Baltimore has a solid defense, but they aren't going to be able to keep Brady from scoring 21 or 28 poin…

Friday Funnies: Blessings in Disguise

Bless This Food

Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served.

When Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away.

"Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer." said his mother.

"I don't need to," the boy replied.

"Of course, you do "his mother insisted." We always say a prayer before eating at our house."

"That's at our house." Johnny explained. "But this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook."


The Magician and the Parrot
A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again. 
There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the Magician did every trick. 
Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show, "Look, it's not the same h…

MegaUpload Raid Proves SOPA Won't Work

Why the MegaUpload Raid Proves SOPA Won't Work

If you are following news about online piracy yesterday, I don't blame you. I've spent more than my share of time than this topic deserves, however I did catch the story about the FBI raid on a company called MegaUpload, with servers rented in Virginia.

MegaUpload, which reportedly generated $175 million last year, acts as a storage and transfer facility for extremely large files. It allows people to store large files and share them with others. They have policies in place that if a copyright holder discovers a file that they own, it can be reported.

According to the Feds, the abuse reporting system wasn't adequate to protect copyright holders. Additionally, they stated that the executives knew and willingly allowed pirated material to be stored. They cited a two-year investigation including internal e-mails.

The raids arrested seven individuals in Virginia and New Zealand, including the CEO. The raids in New Zealand were …

Movie-Theater Etiquette

The Groupon Guide to: Movie-Theater Etiquette

To maintain the suspension of disbelief necessary to enjoy a film, movie theaters maintain a complex code of conduct for their guests.

Here's a look at what you can and cannot do during a movie: Talking is frowned upon.Frowning is frowned upon, as your physical displeasure may spread to other patrons.Texting is tolerated, as long as your phone's virtual keyboard noises are disabled.Making the keyboard noises with your mouth is not necessary.Enjoying popcorn is encouraged.Dipping Reese's Pieces into your soda is discouraged, on grounds of radical deliciousness.Deducing the film's twist ending before the director intended is considered rude.Aiming a laser pointer at the screen is considered hilarious.Being too good at preshow trivia will arouse the suspicion of the theater's security force.Not being good enough at preshow trivia will do the same.Allowing the emotions aroused by the film to later be replicated by real-world…

SOPA-PIPA impact on Small Business

Later today I'm planning on publishing the following article in the newsletter I sent for my day job, editor of Private Duty Today, an online business journal serving CEOs of home health agencies.

Here is the article in its entirety...
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I'm usually hesitant to express my personal political views. Private Duty Home Care owners cover the gamut from extremely conservative to extremely liberal, and everywhere in between.

Because of that, our official policy is to inform readers about the impact of legislation and its lawmakers on our businesses, but not spout opinion. We try to provide insight, but not influence.

However, I'm going to make an exception today. There are two bills about to go to legislative debate, one in the House and one in the Senate. While these two bills have broad bipartisan support, they have virtually no support in the eyes of the American public. OpenCongress.org which tracks users opinions on upcoming and past legislation, shows the bi…

SOPA is Back! Open letter to Lamar Smith

House Judiciary Committee Chairman Lamar Smith just announced that the SOPA markup is expected to continue next month.

“To enact legislation that protects consumers, businesses and jobs from foreign thieves who steal America’s intellectual property, we will continue to bring together industry representatives and Members to find ways to combat online piracy,” Chairman Smith said.

“Due to the Republican and Democratic retreats taking place over the next two weeks, markup of the Stop Online Piracy Act is expected to resume in February.

“I am committed to continuing to work with my colleagues in the House and Senate to send a bipartisan bill to the White House that saves American jobs and protects intellectual property.”

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Chairman Smith, I challenge you on the issues following issues.

Please explain how less competition protects consumers.

Please explain how increasing expenses for small businesses to prove that they own the intellectual rights to their own products and servi…

PIPA: An open letter to Sen. Pat Toomey and Sen. Bob Casey

Senators Toomey and Casey,

I've written to you previously regarding PIPA. I am a Republican and small business owner in Northumberland County. I make my living directly by selling products and services from my home in Pennsylvania.

Many of my products are electronically published products, and I have personally seen my products pirated. I do understand and respect how destructive piracy and counterfeit goods can be.

Our country is unique in that our ability to speak, write, and share information is virtually unbridled, particularly online. I would rather live in a country where piracy and counterfeit goods were rampant, than one without easy access to free speech, free protest, and the right to assemble.

I hate the messages displayed by the Westboro Baptist Church. I dislike many of the actions of so-called political advocates who claim to represent the universal viewpoints of both Democrats or Republicans. However, I would defend their right to do so without hesitation in both c…

Happy Birthday, Michelle Obama

Happy Birthday to Michelle Obama.

The First Lady of the United States is someone I've come to respect and admire. She is a shining example for my daughter. Intelligent, articulate and educated, she displays a beautiful balance between her professional life and family.

Every First Lady takes on causes and responsibilities while she serves in the White House. I do believe that there have been some extraordinary women that were far more than simply the spouse of the President. I believe that each of them has played an important role in our nation's history.

Mrs. Obama, however, has gone above and beyond the traditional First Lady.

She's become a true model to young people, girls in particular. She demonstrates that you don't have to choose between career and family. She shows young girls that they can be dedicated, focused, professionals, or they can choose to be mothers and the CEO of their families. She also demonstrates that anything in between is okay too.

My daughter …

Friday Funnies: Nothing Amuses Me Today

Unfortunately, I've decided not to do my regular Friday Funnies post. Below you'll find nothing humorous; no jokes, no comics, no random rants about the ridiculousness of the world.

My brain is focused on something more serious. The Stop Online Piracy Act is a serious issue that will start affecting everyone who makes their living, as I do, on the Internet, as early as next week.

Already three major websites, Wikipedia, Reddit, and WordPress, have committed to shutting down in protest on January 18. Other websites are considering it.

Please read my post from yesterday about the legitimate potential effects of SOPA on many of the largest websites in the world.

Unfortunately, major media companies, banks, music and book publishers and law enforcement organizations who make large donations to political campaigns want to see this bill passed. They have convinced Republicans and Democrats to build bi-partisan support this piece of bad legislation.

According to many reports, informe…

Stop SOPA

Some of the most popular sites on the Internet could be in serious trouble if the Stop Internet Piracy Act (SOPA) passes this month. The House of Representatives will be conducting hearings and potentially voting on January 23. Or, if it's sister act, Protect IP Act (PIPA) goes through the Senate later.

If you use any of these sites regularly, you probably should get in touch with your representative in Congress.

Reddit -- This social bookmarking site allows users to share content and links to content. Unfortunately, if any of that content is linked by someone who doesn't own the rights, Reddit could be the one taken down.

Deviant Art -- This platform for amateur and professional artists to share, exhibit, and promote their work is visited by 45 million different people each month. If any of the pieces uploaded are copyrighted, or in the interest of parody, a derivative work of a copyrighted work could get Deviant Art in trouble. This could cause the entire site could come down…

Sexiest Cars in the World, if you're a Wheelchair User

Wheelchair users unfortunately don't have much choice when it comes to automotive sexiness. It's better than it was, but still not terrific. Only a few vehicles can be converted into wheelchair accessible vehicles.
I've been thinking about getting a new car. My current van, the Chevy, is now 12 years old and has about 150,000 miles on it. It still runs really well; but I'd rather buy a car when I want one of them when I need one.
The first two times I bought a car, I bought full-size vans. My first car was a 1990 Ford E-150. I bought it because I thought I would be able to drive it. After purchasing the car I realized that there wasn't any technology that would make it safe for me to drive.  My second car was a 2000 Chevy Express. I wanted the Ford, but I couldn't justify the extra expense. In fact, I had to lease the car because I couldn't afford the payments. After five years of payments, I still owed $10,000.

Here are nine different models of car I was …

Friday Funnies: Funny Retail Signs

Well, it's Friday so maybe you're planning to do a little shopping tonight. Watch carefully, and you might find some entertaining retail signage such as these. Here's a collection of funny retail signs from around the globe, mostly from the good old USA.

If you're planning to stay overnight, make sure you have a shilling and a few extra pence if you need to stable your horse. Here are the Rules of Inn.


After Christmas wrapping paper goes on sale, and so does Rapping paper, apparently.


Special offers are everywhere! You can get two drinks for the price of two! Don't worry, after four you won't notice how much you're spending anyhow.


Sometimes no caption is necessary.


But I'm so hot.  I'm sure everyone inside doesn't mind looking at me.


I didn't even bother going inside.  Clearly I would violate several of these store rules.


This was seen on a Dairy Queen drive through.  I always keep my secret ice cream money in my underwear.


You should pay a…

1980's Film Alphabet

I stumbled across this great graphic that brought back memories from my teenage years. This alphabet of iconic 80s films transported me back in time. Suddenly I have the desire to tie a sweater around my shoulders, do aerobics to Olivia Newton John while wearing leg warmers, play Frogger and Pitfall, then pop one of these films into my VHS.
Some of these are tough to figure out.

See more about the artist, Stephen Wildish, or see his blog for the 1980s Film Alphabet answer key and the 1990s Film Alphabet.
http://stephenwildish.co.uk/


20 Fortune Cookies You Don't Want to Get

So you're on a date, and just had a terrific meal at a Chinese restaurant. Your fortune cookie arrives, and your fate rests nestled inside its sweet crispy goodness.

Here are 20 fortune cookies you definitely do not want to open!