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Showing posts from February, 2012

Whoopee Cushion -- Supporting Families Since 1920

My children each received a $5.00 gift card to Dollar General for Valentine's Day. This may seem like a strange gift, but when your gross income is only $6.00 per week, it can be a favorite store. Last night, my wife and I took the children to Dollar General in search of treasures. My son found a Whoopee Cushion and my daughter found a fart machine, which can make six equally disgusting noises at the touch of a button. The novelty wore off before we left the store, so they opted for other purchases, but something occurred to me on the drive home.... ... There is an entire industry, perhaps employing hundreds of people, in the manufacturing and distribution of devices that make flatulence sounds. What an awesome niche! Somewhere there are little first graders who bring Dad into work on Career Day and he tells the children that he engineers whoopee cushions. Everyone likes it except the little girl whose dad is a firefighter, because she no longer has the coolest dad

Kiss Me on a Chair -- Anna Pillsbury (video)

Valentine's Day ended a little over an hour ago, but that doesn't mean we can't sing a love song, does it. Anna Pillsbury thinks so. I ran across this adorable little song on YouTube from an adorable young woman. I was stunned to see that was uploaded in June 2010, and as of this moment has only been watched 2442 times . I think she is worthy of being world-famous, or at least as famous as me. Anyhow watch the video, then send all your friends to this page and tell them to watch it too, then share, share, share and let's see how many views we can round up for Anna. In case you're wondering, I don't know her. Never met; I have no vested interest in her success. But I'm convinced that she epitomizes what the music industry should be. So help me make her rich, famous, or let's at least make her smile. Good luck, Anna Pillsbury. If I ever meet you, I'll kiss you on a chair! Download this song on iTunes:

Is 98% of America Still Racist? (part one)

I made an active decision long ago that I wouldn't be racist. That may sound strange. Probably 98% of you would say the same thing. In fact, 98% of you probably are racist, just to a much lesser degree than people labeled as racist. Ask Newt Gingrich if he's racist, he'll tell you absolutely not. Ask virtually any intellectual black man if Newt Gingrich is racist, he'll tell you yes, absolutely. There are degrees of racism , and the most enlightened among us are the people who acknowledge our own pre-judgments and make an active choice to dismiss them. Let's take a look at the most extreme examples of racism. On the one extreme we have members of hate groups. Organized groups (such as the original Ku Klux Klan ) that not only dislike members of other races, but make a significant effort to see that people of other races are put down or hampered in their efforts to live a normal life. The worst of these extremists are genocidal . The attempted exterminat

Great Valentine's Day Gift Ideas For Men and Women

Some women know what men really want for Valentine's Day . This woman gave him a beautiful bouquet of bacon roses, a DVD and an Xbox 360 game. Most women would give their boyfriends some hot sex. While this is nice, let's face it, it's only about 11 minutes of pleasure. The bacon alone will last at least 15 minutes. Men are guilty of this too. They buy chocolate or lingerie. What they're saying is they want their girlfriend to look sexy, but have no interest whatsoever in helping them stay that way. I'm thinking of getting my right a gym membership and a pair of sweatpants. It tells her,"I care about your health and your body, but I love you no matter what you look or dress like." Think about Valentines from your lover's perspective. Get them what they desire, even if it's totally screwed up in your head! Happy Valentine's Day to all the lovers out there! Shop Women's Clothing at Amazon

The Strange Case of Origami Yoda

My son, Jason Andrew, just finished reading The Strange Case of Origami Yoda   and the follow-up book in the series,  Darth Paper Strikes Back: An Origami Yoda Book . He loved both of them. He actually read them twice. In the books there are instructions to make Origami Yoda and Darth Paper. Today I ran across the above photo of Origami Yoda. It's much more elaborate than the one they teach you to create in the books, but it's extremely cool. Jas' made about two dozen paper Darth Vader andYoda figures while he was reading the books. Anyhow, if you are a nine-year-old boy in fourth grade you love them. If you are a 41-year-old guy who sometimes acts like a fourth grader, you'll also love these books. If you'd like to purchase them, consider doing it from Amazon using my links.  I think I earn about $.40 per book which go into the Jason's Million Project. Description from Amazon In this funny, uncannily wise portrait of the dynamics of

Friday Funnies: Losing Husbands and Wives

Lost Wives Two guys, one middle age, one young are pushing their carts around Walt-Mart when they collide. The middle age guy says to the young guy, 'Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going. The young guy says, 'That's OK, it's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate.' The middle age guy says, 'Well, maybe I can help you find her. What does she look like?' The young guy says, 'Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, is buxom wearing no bra, long legs, and is wearing short shorts. What does your wife look like?' To which the middle age guy says, 'Doesn't matter, --- let's look for yours.'  Lost Husband A married couple had been out shopping at the mall for most of the afternoon. Suddenly, the wife realized that her husband had disappeared. The somewhat irate spo

Friday Funnies: a couple LOLcats and one shameless plug

Is this the new flavor at Kungaloosh Gourmet Tea Company ?

Rapid Weight Loss is a Myth

Today on Facebook one of my friends was talking about how he lost 15 pounds in the past seven days , and was so proud he was going to reward himself with a good meal. He had been on a liquid diet, drinking only juices. For his privacy, I've removed his name, but I want to share with you what I wrote to him. One of my biggest pet peeves is that there is an entire industry that has been created around weight loss. Books, pills, diet aids, specialty foods, juice machines and gastric surgery all have one thing in common. They lie to you about weight loss, and they have no motivation to actually cure you. My Facebook friend (whom I don't know in real life) is going to enjoy a good meal and hop on his scale tomorrow to discover a 3 or 4 pound weight gain. This misinformation is going to convince him that juicing is working and food is bad. What's really happening is his body is reacting to the changing intake. He was getting unlimited water, and his body was letting i

Bachelor Casserole

Tonight I made my kids "Bachelor Casserole" something I used to eat a long time ago. It's super easy, super cheap, it almost tastes like real food. I stole this photo from the web, but it's kind of similar. Here's the recipe:  Bachelor Casserole Ingredients: Two bags of Ramen noodles (I used creamy chicken) one can of condensed soup (cheesy broccoli was in the cupboard) one can of meat (chunk chicken in this case) fresh vegetable (clearly optional) breadcrumbs (to make it look like real food, again optional) When I was a bachelor Ramen noodles were only $.10 apiece. A can of condensed soup was about a quarter, and a can of meat was less than $1.00. For about a buck and a half I could make four meals. Step #1  -- Cook the Ramen noodles.  The flavor doesn't really matter, because the flavor packets are optional. This way you can make this beef noodles with a can of tuna if you want. Step #3  -- Drain off most of the water and  add the conde

Super Bowl predictions for 2012

My prediction for the Super Bowl is based more on like/dislike than science. I've just never been a New England Patriots fan. I'm not a huge Giants fan either, primarily because they are in the same division as the Cowboys, however since the Cowboys are long gone I'm going to take the Giants. The New York Giants will win the Super Bowl , because they have been able to put together at crunch time this whole season. They started out injured, and improved every week. When they finally beat the Cowboys on the last game of the season, they looked like a world-class football team. At that time I said they could go all the way. Eli Manning is as good a quarterback as any in the league, including Tom Brady . The difference between Manning and Brady this year is their receiving corps. Tom Brady has a bunch of average receivers, and spreads the ball around well. Eli Manning has amazing receivers. Three of them are capable of going the distance on any given play. Because of

Simple Voter's Guide: How You Should Vote in 2012

There are so many issues and so many opinions. Sometimes, it comes down to some basic core values. Here is a handy guide to voting for President of the United States. Before you comment... this was meant to be funny.  Keep your ranting in check.  Children may be reading this blog as they stumble upon it while searching for porn.

Growth of the United States through History (animation)

My son was asking how we went from 13 colonies to 50 states in the United States. I described how the land was always here, but just divided and subdivided until we have the state borders we have today. I didn't do a great job. Then... I ran across this very cool animation today and thought I'd share with you. I wish I knew who did it, because I'd like to give them credit. Animated map of the growth of the United States:

Kia Dream Car Commercial

Hilarious commercial. I'm not sure my dream car is a Kia, but it certainly beats the minivan I've been looking at. Beautiful, inspiring, funny and bikini-clad... sounds exactly like my dreams. Enjoy Thanks to Ali Stevens at 94KX .

Proper Etiquette when Meeting Cityfolk

In the beautiful Appalachian Mountains of Pennsylvania it's important that our citizens, although partially removed from world culture, art, high society and, well, civilization in general, we need to be aware of proper etiquette in social situations where we do meet people from cities. Otherwise, without proper etiquette we may be mistaken for West Virginians. Therefore, here are a few friendly etiquette tips to help my fellow Pennsylvanians. Never take beer to a job interview. Any job where it's acceptable to drink will already have beer. It's friendly to identify the people in your yard before yelling at them. Simply hold your gun level until you recognize them. Taking a snack to church is okay, but bringing a cooler is frowned upon. Even if you know for sure that you are in someone's will, it's still considered rude to bring a U-Haul to the funeral home. When decanting wine, make sure to tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to bruise

The Origins of Groundhog Day

Groundhog Day is celebrated tomorrow, February 2, and the United States and Canada. The most notable groundhog is from Punxsutawney Pennsylvania, aptly named Punxsutawney Phil . They've been celebrating Groundhog Day each year since 1886 and have attracted as many as 40,000 visitors. But you may be wondering how Groundhog Day got started . The truth is we don't know. Groundhog Day or Candlemas Day was celebrated by the Pennsylvania Germans in southeastern and central Pennsylvania dating back to the 1700s. The first known reference was dated February 4, 1841 by a Berks County storekeeper: Last Tuesday, the 2nd, was Candlemas day, the day on which, according to the Germans, the Groundhog peeps out of his winter quarters and if he sees his shadow he pops back for another six weeks nap, but if the day be cloudy he remains out, as the weather is to be moderate. Another early reference comes from an early English poem that speaks of Candlemas Day, that speaks of clouds a