16 Games Zynga Should Make

We all know and love Farmville.  Zynga, the makers of Farmville, have made Cityville, Chefville, Castleville, Petville, Yoville, Fishville, and The Ville.  Pioneer Trail used to be called Frontierville.  Zynga also announced its first official sequel, Farmville 2!

Their games are awesome, even if their naming conventions are a bit uninspired.

Well, now it’s time for Sunfyre to help out, or should I say Sunfyreville.

Here are a bunch of games that Zynga should make.  Maybe they will throw me a bone if one of the ideas is a hit.

"I can make you a star." - Producer, Duck Naked

Pornville – Your Cartoon Villite is an adult movie producer.  You have to hire talent, scout locations, purchase the best video equipment, rent web hosting space and produce your works of art.  Imagine the customization features for the avatars.  Can you say plumber overalls meets French maid outfit?  You can visit your neighbors to earn extra lube or gift them some cocaine.

Nerdville – You can create your own nerd cave in mom’s basement.  Earn three online college degrees, while not actually becoming gainfully employed.  Awards would include action figures, sci-fi weaponry, and tickets to Comicon.  As you advance in levels your hacking skills will improve, as will your MMORPG reputation.  Just remember the secrets to success, Mountain Dew, Red Bull and avoiding sunlight.

Washingtonville – Move up through the ranks of government.  Use your ample starting quantity of “Daddy’s Influence” to avoid the draft and get into a Poison Ivy League School.  Get your undergraduate in philosophy and your law degree, then run for local office.  Here you’ll use the last of “Daddy’s Influence” and begin collecting “Ass Kisses”.  You’ll have to use a lot of them to earn more later.  Eventually you’ll team up with lobbyists, union reps and special interests all while trying to avoid those dreaded constituents.  Success will lead to the rank of House Member or Senator.  Or you can choose the real power road, and become First Lady. Keep an eye on your favorability rating or you’ll be relegated to a career as a keynote speaker.

BMOCville – You can be the Big Man on Campus in this exciting new game.  Try out for the sports team while trying to get your avatar friends drunk and captured on video.  Give nerds a beat down, and use athletic prowess points to escape campus security and increase your test scores.  Rack up panty points to level up.

TSAville – Here you try to stop terrorism, by earning points.  To earn points you simply need to improve your racial profiling skills while stomping on civil liberties.  Advance workers will be able to molest their friends and submit them to full body x-rays.  Don’t get caught letting a bottle of hair gel or a pair of nail clippers onto the plane or you’ll be scanning baggage.  Advance players can earn a bomb sniffing dog.  It’s a blast!

"In the name of Peace on Earth, I keeel you!"

Terrorville – You’re a radical religious freak who has to avoid the workers in TSAville and try to put out fires on your burning holy book.  You’ll gain skills such as anthrax culture growing, dirty bomb making, id forgery and human trafficking.

MethVille – You’ll break bad as a chemist trying to master the perfect methamphetamine formula known as Blue Crystal, all while trying not to get killed by the drug cartel, arrested by the DEA or fired from your job as a high school chemistry teacher.

Walking DeadVille – You wake up in the hospital to discover the zombie apocalypse is well underway.  Armed with a baseball bat and a revolver, you head out to find your other Facebook friends and work together for survival.  Remember head shots only, everything else grows back.

CheersVille – You’re a bartender, serve those beers before they’re warm.  Your Facebook regulars will stop by daily.  Nothing else will really happen.

PimpVille – Put your Ho’s out on the streets.  Don’t let ‘em smoke too much crack or get to fat, or profits will go down faster than they do.  Start as a lowly alley pimp outside the strip club and work your way up to Madam of Perfectly Respectable Dating Service for gentlemen of means.  Avoid the cops while servicing judges to gain immunity.  Rewards include large purple hats with matching trench coat, and drive around in your pink Hummer Limo.

"Wanna go for a ride?" wink, wink, nudge, nudge

Pedo-ville – Start out capturing photos at the playground and work your way up to the sexual predators’ list.

SantaVille – Time to start playing with elves.

Hobbitville – Time to start playing with dwarves.

PMS-Ville – Score romance points with your significant other, but keep an eye on the calendar.  Every 28 days everything you do will potentially result in satanic flames bursting from her eyes.

Cat-Ville – Eat, then lie perfectly still for 8 hours.  Repeat.

"I love peanut butter, but it's on the top shelf."

GimpVille – Every player is given a random disability.  Work together to accomplish your daily tasks.  Wheelchair users can take blind friends to the movies and describe every scene.  Blind friends take wheelchair users to the grocery store so they can get stuff off the top shelf.  Your deaf friend will drive you both around.

ZyngaVille – You are a video game producer.  Hire lots of cartoonists and a couple bad computer programmers.  Scour the internet blogs for awesome new ideas.  Create games that require you to annoy the shit out of your friends with 400 daily wall posts.  Then keep the best parts of the game reserved for those who buy electrons you call “gold coins”.  Name it something unique, then throw the word “ville” at the end.  Retire happy and rich.