My assistant, Nicole, is about to go on maternity leave. This is her second pregnancy; both since she has been working for me. In the past 10 years I've had six of my attendants become pregnant. Both sisters, three sisters-in-law, and several close friends have had babies. Finally, as most of you know, my wife and I have twins. All told, I've experienced 26 babies in the past 10 or 11 years, so I'm somewhat of an expert on pregnancy.
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| common questions about pregnancy |
Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is plenty. I probably would've stopped after a dozen.
Q: I'm approximately 8 weeks pregnant. When will my baby move?
A: At approximately 18, he will move to college. Approximately 4 years later, he will move back home. After that, it's anyone's guess.
Q: What's the most reliable method of determining the baby's sex?
A: Childbirth
Q: My wife is five months pregnant. She is extremely moody. She talks irrationally, and occasionally seems downright psychotic.
A: So, what is your question?
Q: Do you recommend accepting drugs during labor to lessen the pain?
A: Yes, Absolutely! As a matter of fact, you could also offer some to your wife.
Q: How do I avoid a surprise baby shower?
A: Place a washcloth over his Wee-Wee when you change his diaper.
Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.
Q: During labor my wife will experience intense pain. What is best way for me to empathize with this pain?
A. Ask the obstetrician to show you your hospital bill.
Q: We are about to have twins as well! When should we expect to be ready for another baby?
A: LOL, it'll never happen.
Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife began to act and feel normal again?
A: Perhaps when the kids go to college. Perhaps.
Q: What is the best way to be prepared financially for a new baby?
A: Purchase a disposable diaper. Take all of your money and place it in the diaper. Then toss it into a landfill. Repeat the process after every paycheck for the next two years. This should prepare you for a baby.
Please feel free to keep those questions coming... after all, why should I keep all this wisdom to myself.
Post your question in the comments below.
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