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Pregnancy - Frequently Asked Questions

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My assistant, Nicole, is about to go on maternity leave. This is her second pregnancy; both since she has been working for me. In the past 10 years I've had six of my attendants become pregnant. Both sisters, three sisters-in-law, and several close friends have had babies. Finally, as most of you know, my wife and I have twins. All told, I've experienced 26 babies in the past 10 or 11 years, so I'm somewhat of an expert on pregnancy.

common questions about pregnancy
common questions about pregnancy
Here are some common questions about pregnancy ...

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?

A: No, 35 children is plenty. I probably would've stopped after a dozen.

Q: I'm approximately 8 weeks pregnant. When will my baby move?

A: At approximately 18, he will move to college. Approximately 4 years later, he will move back home. After that, it's anyone's guess.

Q: What's the most reliable method of determining the baby's sex?

A: Childbirth

Q: My wife is five months pregnant. She is extremely moody. She talks irrationally, and occasionally seems downright psychotic.

A: So, what is your question?

Q: Do you recommend accepting drugs during labor to lessen the pain?

A: Yes, Absolutely! As a matter of fact, you could also offer some to your wife.

Q: How do I avoid a surprise baby shower?

A: Place a washcloth over his Wee-Wee when you change his diaper.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?

A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: During labor my wife will experience intense pain. What is best way for me to empathize with this pain?

A. Ask the obstetrician to show you your hospital bill.

Q: We are about to have twins as well! When should we expect to be ready for another baby?

A: LOL, it'll never happen.

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife began to act and feel normal again?

A: Perhaps when the kids go to college. Perhaps.

Q: What is the best way to be prepared financially for a new baby?

A: Purchase a disposable diaper. Take all of your money and place it in the diaper. Then toss it into a landfill. Repeat the process after every paycheck for the next two years. This should prepare you for a baby.

Please feel free to keep those questions coming... after all, why should I keep all this wisdom to myself.

Post your question in the comments below.



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