Skip to main content

Signs You May Have Overdone It on Thanksgiving

By

I overate on Thanksgiving, as usual.  If you're not sure, here are some of the signs...

  • You ate the turkey, the pop-up thermometer and the plastic net.
  • All your silverware is worn down to tiny stumps.
  • Scientists are reporting a slight but measurable shift in the earth's axis.
  • Paramedics brought in the Jaws of Life to pry you out of your chair.
  • Your "Gravy Boat" seats 12!
  • You ate enough potatoes to cause a shortage... in Idaho.
  • Your morning jog registered a 3.9 on the Richter Scale.
  • Pricking your finger for cholesterol screening only yielded gravy.
  • The scale at the health food store registered "Error - 1 person only please" when you put in a quarter.  When you pressed continue, it charged you a buck and a half.
  • Nine guys tied ropes to you and tried to float you in the Macy's Parade.
  • Your relatives want to go home, but they're stuck in your gravitational field.
  • Representatives from the Butterball Hall of Fame called... twice.


Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Marvels of the Science: Rocks and Things

By
My kids have a science test today. We've been studying rocks and minerals, erosion and weathering, and other science-y geology stuff all week.

All that work, and we just should have done in Internet search. After all, everything on the Internet is factual when it comes to science.

Here's a perfect example, a quick documentary that teaches us everything we know about rocks and 2 minutes and 43 seconds.

Stretch your brains!


The Least Scientific Nature Documentary Ever -- powered by Cracked.com
Post a Comment
Go! »

More Realistic Anniversary Gift Traditions

By
New Anniversary Gifts Destined to become Traditional My wife and I have been married for 20 years today. Over the past 20 years I made efforts each year to observe the traditional anniversary gifts. Some of them are certainly more difficult than others, and many of them are hard to find gift worthy in the modern age.
Therefore, I offer you a modern take on anniversary gifts. How many of these will become traditional?
First Anniversary – The Ramen Noodle anniversary. Let’s face it, you blew $30,000 on the wedding, and your student loan debt hasn’t gone anywhere. Share a Cup O’ Noodles. Eat with chopsticks on the floor because you can’t yet afford a couch.
Second Anniversary – The Puppy Anniversary. She’s been looking at you with those eyes that say she wants to start a family, but you just bought a new couch. Get her a puppy instead.
Third Anniversary – The Kinky Lingerie Anniversary. Leather, silk or lace can re-fire the engines after a year of flannel pajamas that smell like the puppy,…
Post a Comment
Go! »

An open letter to Emmanuel Macron, President of France

By
Dear Pres. Macron,

The President of the United States, Donald Trump, has been invited for the celebration of Bastille Day, a day for celebrating democracy and independence of the French people.

As a citizen of the United States, I encourage you to revoke the invitation. Donald Trump does not represent the vast majority of the American people. As you have stated publicly, if the United States is not going to support science, you have offered US scientists the option of emigrating to France for the continuation of their studies on climate change.

Additionally, Donald Trump has made his nationalist and blatantly racist feelings known on multiple occasions, again something I know that you personally find offensive.

The majority of Americans would support the decision for France to revoke his invitation. Citizens of the United States need to take responsibility for removing their country from a position of influence on the world stage. Our previous president, Barack Obama, strived to be a …
Post a Comment
Go! »