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When Words Fail

From the archives:

July 14, 1994

The red brown rose petals on my antique card table makes me want to paint again. Painting expresses in color what words sometimes can't express for me. I know how to convey anger, love, hatred, lust, happiness and loneliness on paper but there are perhaps a hundred or a million other emotions that are just shades of the emotions that have words attached to them. How do you combine anger, frustration and jealousy into words? Even using those words in the same sentence rarely conveys your true emotion.

When I'm painting I can put colors and lines down to express myself. The beauty of painting is I can slop down my emotions and if no one can tell what I was feeling when I painted it, it really doesn't matter. If you can express your moods to others through color it's called art. If you just release yourself on canvas you are simply a painter, not an artist. My paintings as well as my journals are just for me to release myself. They are not meant to convey any particular message to any particular person. Sorry.

I'm getting the urge to do some heavy duty writing, the kind that people pay you for. I'm a little scared because I've never done it before, but I think I'm ready to start.

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