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Friday Funnies - Weather Funnies

A little old man buried his wife of 50 years. Quiet and contemplative, he stood at the grave site with his children, grandchildren and their first great-granddaughter. If they had said their goodbyes and stood in near silence.

Suddenly, a bolt of lightning struck nearby together with a massive clap of thunder. A few seconds later, a long rolling thunder trailed off into the distance.

The old man began to smile, then chuckled audibly.

The great-granddaughter took her hand and placed it in his. "Why are you laughing; what's so funny?"

"Grandma has announced her arrival."

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A grocery store manager overheard part of a conversation between a customer and one of his cashiers. The cashier said "We haven't had any for a while. I don't know when it's coming, but lots of people have been looking for it. When it finally comes, I hope we get a lot because we're gonna need it."

The customer left and the manager hustled over. Tersely, he said, "Never tell a customer you don't know when a product is arriving. Tell them you're sure it will be in stock next week. Now what was the customer looking for?"

"Rain."

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Although he was a qualified meteorologist, Hopkins ran up a terrible record of forecasting for the TV news program. He became something of a local joke when a newspaper began keeping a record of his predictions and showed that he'd been wrong almost three hundred times in a single year. That kind of notoriety was enough to get him fired. He moved to another part of the country and applied for a similar job. One blank on the job application called for the reason for leaving his previous position. Hopkins wrote, "The climate didn't agree with me."

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The Michaels family owned a small farm in Canada, just yards away from the North Dakota border. Their land had been the subject of a minor dispute between the United States and Canada for generations. Mrs. Michaels, who had just celebrated her ninetieth birthday, lived on the farm with her son and three grandchildren.

One day, her son came into her room holding a letter. "I just got some news, Mom," he said. "The government has come to an agreement with the people in Washington. They've decided that our land is really part of the United States. We have the right to approve or disapprove of the agreement. What do you think?"

"What do I think?" his mother said. "Jump at it! Call them right now and tell them we accept! I don't think I could stand another one of those Canadian winters!"

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Last Labor Day, I called a friend in Canada that I hadn't talked with for a while.

"How was your summer?" I asked.

It was great, she said. We had a picnic that afternoon.

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How to forecast the weather in Seattle: If you can see Mt Ranier, it's going to rain. If not, it already is. 

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An honest weatherman: "Today's forecast is bright and sunny with an 50% chance that I'm wrong."

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Not funny, but interesting: Source: Rocky Mountain News

"If you are caught without an umbrella when it starts to rain, will you stay drier by running to shelter instead of walking? 

Thomas Peterson and Trevor Wallis, of Asheville, N.C., both climatologists, calculated that running made one 44% drier over 100 meters (about 328 feet). 

To test their findings, they measured off a 100-meter course and waited for it to rain. They wore identical dry clothing that had been weighed before the test (they wear the same size) and wore plastic bags under their clothes to trap any water that might seep through. Peterson walked the course, while Wallis ran. Afterward, they weighed the clothes again. The result: Wallis' clothes were 40% drier.
Frankly, we'd take a cab."

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