Skip to main content

10 Jobs I Could Never Do!

I love my job. I’m a marketing consultant for a web development firm. I get to work with lots of small business owners and do my best to help them increase their income.

I’m lucky. I was thinking about it. There are quite a few jobs I wouldn't want to do, but if push came to shove, I would do them to provide for my family.

On the other hand here are…

10 Jobs I Could Never Do!

While some of these may be obvious, others are perfectly respectable careers that I could not manage.

Slaughterhouse Worker – I’m far from a card-carrying member of PETA. I eat meat, wear leather, and don’t have a problem with hunting as a sport. I could even be a butcher, as long as someone delivered the cow already dead. I have no desire to actually do the killing, nor would I.
Garbage Collector – Simple enough, but it’s not for the reason you think. I don’t get grossed out very easily. My problem would be actually collecting the garbage. Inevitably, I’d find something cool or even slightly useful and it would become mine. Next thing you know my property is condemned and I’m being featured on “Hoarders”
Podiatrist – I’m actually fascinated by medicine, and would definitely like working as a doctor. However, feet are pretty ugly. Even the cute ones are pretty ugly. Not only that, nobody goes to the podiatrist unless their feet have issues. My guess is that they spend their days looking at the ugliest of the ugly.
Urologist – See podiatrist, substitute penis. Enough said.
Kindergarten teacher – Teaching is a noble profession. Kindergarten is not teaching, it’s herding. Don’t get me wrong. I love kids. I have two of them myself and the whole cluster of shorties that hang out with my friends and family members. I love kids… Just not 26 of them at a time. I’d be okay for a while, then one day, like a firecracker… Snap… I’d be on the news. They’d interview my neighbors who would all tell you I looked perfectly normal.
Children’s Services Worker – Some parents are SHITTY. Actually, a surprising number of them are just complete idiots. My wife is a social worker, and I hear things. If I had her job, I wouldn’t go interview the kids, work with the parents, set up counseling, create a plan, and hope it all works out. I go in and pick the kids up by the scruff of the neck toss them in a squad car, drive them to the nearest shower, buy them some PJs and read them a good night story. If their parents protested, I’d say “You’re an Idiot” then you’d hear that familiar… Snap… And again, I’m on the 11 o’clock news.
Bath and Body Works salesperson – I can’t even walk past the store without wanting to hurl. The store is filled with many lovely fragrances. However, when you walk inside, you’re hit with every lovely fragrance simultaneously. At least the garbage collectors get to work outdoors. Worse yet, I’m sure that stuff permeates you personally. You’re going to be farting, lavender, roses and chamomile until the day you die. I’m pretty sure most of the old ladies I know once worked at Bath and Body Works.
Plumber – I live in this magic fantasy world. If there’s something gross in my home, it gets flushed. If it doesn't go down, I call the plumber. Oh sure, they get those occasional calls when a toddler flushes their My Little Pony, but generally, everything they recover his gross. Unlike the garbage collector, plumbers don’t rescue buried treasures.
Tobacco Company Executive – I couldn’t live knowing that my personal fortune and well-being depends on me knowingly killing as many people as possible with long slow painful deaths.
Genocidal Dictator – See Tobacco Company Executives, only not as bad because at least I’m killing them quickly.

Well, there you have it… My list of 10 careers I’d never choose.


You may have noticed a few omissions from this list.

Serial Killer – I’m not much for murder, but if I’m going to do it, I’m going to do it right. I probably would even be one of those nice serial killers like Dexter.
Gynecologist – With podiatry and urology, it’s clear I’m scared of the uglies. But let’s face it, I’ve been doing my best to study gynecology for quite a while. What’s another eight years of study?
Yankee Candle salesperson – The smell would generate the same hatred as Bath and Body Works, if I didn't have slight pyro-maniacal tendencies.

None would be my first choice, but hey, a paycheck is a paycheck.

Let's hear from you… What job could you never do, and why?

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Friday Funnies: Funny Retail Signs

Well, it's Friday so maybe you're planning to do a little shopping tonight. Watch carefully, and you might find some entertaining retail signage such as these. Here's a collection of funny retail signs from around the globe, mostly from the good old USA.

If you're planning to stay overnight, make sure you have a shilling and a few extra pence if you need to stable your horse. Here are the Rules of Inn.


After Christmas wrapping paper goes on sale, and so does Rapping paper, apparently.


Special offers are everywhere! You can get two drinks for the price of two! Don't worry, after four you won't notice how much you're spending anyhow.


Sometimes no caption is necessary.


But I'm so hot.  I'm sure everyone inside doesn't mind looking at me.


I didn't even bother going inside.  Clearly I would violate several of these store rules.


This was seen on a Dairy Queen drive through.  I always keep my secret ice cream money in my underwear.


You should pay a…

More Realistic Anniversary Gift Traditions

New Anniversary Gifts Destined to become Traditional My wife and I have been married for 20 years today. Over the past 20 years I made efforts each year to observe the traditional anniversary gifts. Some of them are certainly more difficult than others, and many of them are hard to find gift worthy in the modern age.
Therefore, I offer you a modern take on anniversary gifts. How many of these will become traditional?
First Anniversary – The Ramen Noodle anniversary. Let’s face it, you blew $30,000 on the wedding, and your student loan debt hasn’t gone anywhere. Share a Cup O’ Noodles. Eat with chopsticks on the floor because you can’t yet afford a couch.
Second Anniversary – The Puppy Anniversary. She’s been looking at you with those eyes that say she wants to start a family, but you just bought a new couch. Get her a puppy instead.
Third Anniversary – The Kinky Lingerie Anniversary. Leather, silk or lace can re-fire the engines after a year of flannel pajamas that smell like the puppy,…

An open letter to Emmanuel Macron, President of France

Dear Pres. Macron,

The President of the United States, Donald Trump, has been invited for the celebration of Bastille Day, a day for celebrating democracy and independence of the French people.

As a citizen of the United States, I encourage you to revoke the invitation. Donald Trump does not represent the vast majority of the American people. As you have stated publicly, if the United States is not going to support science, you have offered US scientists the option of emigrating to France for the continuation of their studies on climate change.

Additionally, Donald Trump has made his nationalist and blatantly racist feelings known on multiple occasions, again something I know that you personally find offensive.

The majority of Americans would support the decision for France to revoke his invitation. Citizens of the United States need to take responsibility for removing their country from a position of influence on the world stage. Our previous president, Barack Obama, strived to be a …