Skip to main content

Friday Funnies: Dog Days of Summer



L.A. public pools don’t have lifeguards—[they] have life coaches. If they see you struggling in the water, they say, “Are you happy with the decisions you’re making?” and give you a pamphlet for a yoga studio.

~ Craig Ferguson
– –

A commuter train from New York to Washington DC suddenly lost power and slowed down to a crawl.

The conductor comes on the intercom. "Good news and bad news.The bad news is we've lost power and are coming to a stop. The good news… You're on a train not an airplane."
– –

We use a really strong sunblock when we go to the beach with the kids. It’s SPF 80: You squeeze the tube, and a sweater comes out.

~ Lew Schneider
– –

Summer has the dumbest names for holidays.

What day do we try to get everyone together? Independence Day.

What day does everyone have off work? Labor Day.
– –

A shepherd was teaching his apprentice

"Lad, how many sheep are in the field?"

After a moment the apprentice said "18".

"Well done, now round them up."

"20"
– –

Some people take up swimming for exercise so they will live longer.

Some people take up swimming just to live longer.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The Worst Part of Being Disabled

The central character of my novel is a wheelchair user. I know that's no big surprise. It's important to me, however, that I'm able to relate the experience of severe disability to a universal audience. I want to make sure the character expresses his worldview in a powerful way. For example, you can close your eyes, but that doesn't help you truly understand blindness. Every so often I hear about some sociology professor who gives everyone a disability for a day. People come up to me and tell me how they learned to understand my limitations and frustrations because they borrowed a wheelchair and went to the mall.  If they want to understand my frustrations, they should borrow a wheelchair and go to a job interview. Whether you have been disabled your entire life, or spent your life in perfect physical condition, I want to get your perceptions on true disability. What do you feel is the worst part about being disabled? Please be very specific. You can choose any disabil

Personal Space: an invisible disability

The worst part about being disabled for me may surprise you.  In a previous post I invited you to share your thoughts about disability. (See:   The Worst Part of Being Disabled ) I face numerous frustrating challenges on a daily basis. I'm constantly dependent on others. I need help bathing and dressing. I can't drive, cook, hold a book or feed myself. I rely on family, employees, technology and the goodwill of others. Some days it's frustrating, but I've learned through experience how to manage all this help. Other frustrations are attitudinal barriers. Today I live very comfortably and have a high family income. I'm an entrepreneur, but not because of my unquenchable desire to build businesses, but because very few companies would be willing to give me a job. I made the decision more than 15 years ago that I could build a business easier than I could find a job, so that's what I did. My single biggest frustration however isn't getting the help I need or ov

Endangered Gorilla Killed after Child Falls into Habitat

One of this week’s trending topics on Facebook and twitter was a tragic story. A small boy fell into the gorilla habitat at the Cincinnati Zoo. Minutes later the western lowlands gorilla, a critically endangered species , was shot and killed by zoo personnel. A tragic story has been made even more tragic through misinformation and misguided opinion on social media. Here are six ways that Facebook and twitter users made the situation worse. It’s the mother’s fault! I’m a father of 14-year-old twins, a boy and a girl. I don’t know a single father or mother that has never in their lives lost sight of their three-year-old. I compare it to a trip to Walmart. You’ll see a toddler screaming and a mother completely exasperated, and usually another child being completely ignored. Those of you without children stand in judgment. I know I did. “If that were my child I would…” I’ll let you complete the sentence in condescending judgment.  Parents, however, understand. We’v