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Steven Wright cracks me up....
- I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you're not using?"
- Someone sent me a postcard picture of the earth. On the back it said, "Wish you were here."
- I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
- I have two very rare photographs. One is a picture of Houdini locking his keys in his car. The other is a rare photograph of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.
- Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.
- When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, "Well, what do you need?"
- If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
- When I was in boy scouts, I slipped on the ice and hurt my ankle. A little old lady had to help me across the street.
- Smoking cures weight problems...eventually...
- The sign said "eight items or less". So I changed my name to Les.
- I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart.
- I know the guy who writes all those bumper stickers. He hates New York.
- A beautiful woman moved in next door. So I went over and returned a cup of sugar. "You didn't borrow this." "I will."
- I took lessons in bicycle riding. But I could only afford half of them. Now I can ride a unicycle.
Sometimes things just bounce around my head, and eventually fly out at tremendous velocity. Here's a few. I've written most myself, and given credit where credit should and could be given.
Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around with his head out the window? Dogs love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle' or the 'Porsche Boxster' could be the 'Porsche Boxer'?
Another thought... what about the Pontiac SunFYRE?
I think NHL teams south of St. Louis should be banned. Eliminated... Phoenix Coyotes, Atlanta Thrashers, San Jose Sharks, Tampa Bay Lightning, Dallas Stars, Anaheim Ducks, Carolina Hurricanes, Florida Panthers,
If it ever actually snowed on hockey night in any of these cities, no one would show up for the games. The only reason they have teams here is that every single fan has to buy a $140 hockey sweater, because the only place they ever wear a sweater is to the arena. It's 58 degrees inside and 82 outside!
How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
"My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can. That's almost $7.00 in dog money." -- Joe Weinstein
No one ever says "It's only a game" when their team is winning.
Just Like...
"Size doesn't matter, it's how you use it." is only spoken by men with small penises (and their misguided girlfriends.)
Top 10 names I wanted for my son, but my wife wouldn't have it.
- Emmitt (after Emmitt Smith)
- Franklin (after Benjamin Franklin, and Franklin Roosevelt)
- Mario Emerson (after Mario Andretti and Emerson Fittipaldi)
- Huck
- Timothy Nolan (his initials would have been TNT, dynamite kid!)
- SunFyre
- Little Man
- Xavier (because the letter X is cool.)
- Soaring Eagle Dancing Bear
- Mickey (and his twin sister would have been Minnie)
Have you ever noticed that the Plus Sizes stores often carries incredibly bright colored clothing, usually neon or pastels. Why do their buyers assume that heavy women have significantly different fashion sense than anyone else in the world? These stores believe they are serving their buyers because they consistently sell merchandise. The fact is that 16 + women only have one or two stores in each town to choose from. There are a dozen stores in every mall to serve the 105 pound teenager, and they don't even have jobs!
Well, time to get back to work!
Monday afternoon, the Pennsylvania Lottery Big 4 game hit the number 3-1-9-9. The winners who picked that exact number get $5000. I never play the daily number type lotteries, and if I did I wouldn't have picked 3-1-9-9. So, why do I bring it up?
Because, Monday evening, the second daily Big 4 number came up 3-1-9-9. If you'd played that number both afternoon and evening, you'd have won $10,000 on your $2.00 bet. So, if you're a winner in the morning, don't quit playing!
By the way, the odds of your particular number popping twice in one day is 1 in 100 million! Not good investment policy. Don't spend the kids College Fund.
"Man who catch fly with chopsticks can accomplish anything." -- Mr. Miyagi
I can't believe I've seen two movies in the theater this month. We rarely get out without the babies. My mother and her husband came for some "baby time" on Sunday afternoon. My little brother D. came with them. KAT, D. and I went to the movies. I wanted to see The Italian Job, but it's already gone from our theater. They have six or eight theaters and three were showing The Hulk. Apparently I missed Italian, so if someone saw it and wants to review it, send me your review.
Our second choice was Jim Carrey's Bruce Almighty. I'm kind of lousy at reviewing comedies. Generally it boils down to "Did I laugh by ass off?" I can think of three distinct scenes that my ass was completely gone. Generally I chuckled throughout the movie. But the "I'll apologize when monkeys fly out of my butt" scene, the Jennifer Aniston Orgasm scene, and the IBM computer guy talking in tongues scene had me cracking up.
If I haven't intrigued you by now you probably won't go see it anyhow, so I won't make this a long review. Here's the basics from IMDB. "Bruce Nolan (Carrey) is a whiny, complaining frump. During a rant, he blames God (Freeman) for the world's wrongs - only to be confronted by the Almighty himself, who gives Bruce divine powers to see if he can run the world any better."
Jim Carrey and Jennifer Aniston are surprisingly a believable couple. They are both funny without being over-the-top. Carrey occasionally stretches into his Ace Ventura wackiness, but keeps it under control and within the context.
Morgan Freeman uses his dry calm humor as God. I've always known that the Almighty has a sense of humor, but I didn't realize he was black too. Great casting!
If you enjoy good clean comedy, sprinkled with a message, you'll love this movie. See it before it leaves your theater. If you like Jim Carrey only in small doses, like me, you'll also really like this movie. He's at his best without beating you over the head. Nothing about it requires a theater seat, so if you wait till video you will enjoy it just as much, but it's worth $15 and popcorn.
I did a stupid thing this weekend. KAT did something kind of dumb last week, and I found out about it on Saturday. On Monday, I'd asked her to buy a disposable camera with a flash for a project. Saturday, we were using up the film on the babies so we could take it to one-hour photo. Only then I realized that the camera didn't have a flash, and the project photos would be useless. It put the project another week behind. It wasn't a really big deal but it made me angry. I said something like, "I can't believe you did that, what an Idiot!"
Calling the woman you spend your life with an idiot is stupid. Doing it in front of her sister, my sister, and the Twins is stupider. (I know it's "more stupid" but stupider sounds better.) She was understandably upset at me. She left the house in a hurry to run an errand.
I apologized to our sisters. Then, after she got home, I apologized to KAT. She was still pretty mad. She said, "You yell at me and call me names when I make a mistake. You wouldn't do that to an employee or friend. Shouldn't you treat me at least as well as them."
I realized, she's right. I'd dance a little dance before telling a friend or employee they'd messed up. I know I hold KAT to a higher standard. I had often complained to her when someone screwed up on the job and it cost me money. I don't want to tiptoe around her, but I do it around other people.
Then it hit me. I don't need to begin coddle her, I need to hold everyone more accountable. If I'm mad at someone at work because they mess up. I need to yell a little. I need to tell people when they do something idiotic.
With KAT, I just need to respect her as much as everyone else. I don't need to be perpetually nice, but fair.
I called one of my best friends and told her about my revelation. She said, "Now rather than just having KAT mad at me, I'll have friends and employees mad at me too."
I said, "Shut up, Idiot".
It's going to be a long week.
That got me thinking, why are other states famous, or infamous? So, with a little research, we've developed a new list of state mottos.
Enjoy,
The most valuable single comic book of all time is the first issue of The Amazing Spider-man. It sells for about $30,000. Later that year (1962) they introduced us to the Green Goblin, one of the best villains ever.
I've always enjoyed comics when they make it to the big screen. Superman, Batman and the X-Men were some of my favorite movies. Spider-man beats them all in one important category. The movie stayed true to the original comic book story. And feel. They created a modern movie with the 1962 comic book feel. The underground wrestling tournament, and the '60s diner that M. K. works in are great examples. Peter lives in a little cookie cutter development, so 60's middle class Long Island.
I like this guy. I've always liked him since Cider House Rules and the Wonder Boys. I never expected him to do a superhero, but he turned out to be a great choice. Peter Parker was supposed to be a frail, insecure teenager. Tobey Maguire played Peter perfectly. When Spider-man appears, you lose Peter and Tobey.
I like her too. Always have. She's been in tons of movies (44 so far) and she only turned 21 two months ago. I probably liked Kirsten Dunst best on ER (at age 14) and in The Virgin Suicides. In Spider-man she goes Red, and looks amazing. She's far more talented in my opinion than some of the roles she's played. This is a great example. She's the damsel in distress.
Here's the basic plot. Geeky teenager gets bitten by radioactive, genetically engineered, Super-spider, who mysteriously never makes another appearance nor bites anyone else, ever. Teenager (who lusts after neighbor-girl) takes on strange properties of said spider. Teenager has an Uncle Ben who says "with great power, comes great responsibility" then promptly gets killed by a car-jacker. Teenager could have stopped the murder, but didn't. Feels responsible then dedicates life to fighting crime. Teenager saves girl repeatedly and defeats big ugly green guy.
Ok, it sounds cliche and done, but it wasn't. A few little plot points made this movie more enjoyable without destroying the classic Superhero storyline. I won't post spoilers for good movies, but I'll just say, "does he get the girl?"
The supporting cast was done well too, with one exception. Cliff Robertson doesn't look anything like the original Uncle Ben! You decide. Willem Dafoe has the face of the Green Goblin. One of my female friends once told me that he's "so ugly, it makes him sexy, kind of like Mick Jagger". Maybe there's hope for guys like me yet!
Ok, I've raved about this movie long enough. You are probably wondering why it didn't make my top 100 list. One criteria of top 100 movies is that they are "done". Lots of movies get close to "done" but never get finished. This movie obviously needed tons of computer generated graphics. Unfortunately, they did a terrific job throughout many scenes, but failed to finish it off. The scenes of spider-man swinging through the city and Peter Parker jumping from rooftop to rooftop looked completely computer generated. If you want to see absolutely amazing computer effects, check out The Matrix. Spider-man should have hired the same guys, because they knew the computer effects would make or break this movie. It broke it. Overall, great movie, but not perfect. (And perfection was within reach.)
I caved. A couple people told me I needed more naked women and less aimless babble. So for a couple weeks we've tried theme days and naked women. Guess what!? The stats don't lie. Less of you are turning up when I'm announcing a big event, like Horny Thursdays. When I was just going off about something random and spontaneous, people were tuning in. Now they aren't. Hello... hello... is there anyone out there?
So, Horny Thursday is no more. Just to let the J.O. Club down easy, I'll post a few sexy pictures now and then on a separate page. I'll probably put that page up later tonight.
In other news: NASCAR is calling a press conference at 10:00 a.m. today. They will be announcing that RJR, makers of Winston cigarettes will be leaving the series as a sponsor. The former Winston Cup Series will now be sponsored by Nextel, makers of cell phones.
I'm so glad. I would have liked to see NASCAR and the other recent series give big tobacco the boot a long time ago. I'm just thankful that my favorite sports will no longer try to convince my kids that smoking is somehow cool.
While I'm glad NASCAR took the initiative now, let's not give them credit where none is due. The fact is we are a stone's throw from legislation preventing tobacco from advertising in any sporting event. NASCAR was just hoping they could find a reasonable replacement for tobacco before the legislation came to pass. It's difficult to find companies with an extra $300 to $600 million to spend on a single sport. (Yes, I did check out that figure.)
The scary thing is, if Winston makes $1 per pack profit, and RJR makes enough profit to spend up to $600 million on NASCAR, that means they would have to sell an additional 12,000,000,000 cigarettes. (And Winston isn't even the biggest cigarette company.)
Cigarette companies are fighting judgments against them constantly. They are claiming that even though they never told anyone cigarettes are bad for you, everyone should have figured it out when they started coughing up lungs. They are saying these judgments could put them out of business, and innocent people would be out of work. Besides, cigarettes are still legal, and people still want them.
People want them because they can't stop, not because they are pleasurable. I don't know a single person who said that their first cigarette was a wonderful experience that made them want more. People started smoking because their parents smoked, or their friends smoked, or someone they admired on TV or in the movies smoked or they saw a deceiving tobacco advertisement. Their first cigarette was rapidly followed by coughing, nausea or both, and their first thought was "why do people actually like this?" Then they had another because their must be something to it. Then one more try... boom, addicted.
Cigarette executives think the public and judges are being rough on them. They should be thankful I'm not a judge. I'd bankrupt every cigarette company, then take every ounce of personal wealth from every executive who's ever worked for a cigarette company for more than five days after the first of 34 surgeon general's warnings came out in 1964. I'd collect their personal wealth down to the penny and distribute it equally among every family that's ever lost someone to cancer, heart disease, or low-birth weight. There would probably be a decent check for everyone involved.
My message to cigarette executives is the same as telemarketers... "Quit your job now, or commit suicide, either is acceptable."
Most sincerely, SunFyre
First, let's talk about the new stripe below the navigation menu. The first four buttons are links to Top Lists. I get bumped up the list every time someone clicks there. Hopefully more people will come visit SunFyre. You can help me dramatically by clicking the first four buttons. (The fourth button contains links to adult content. Don't click it if you don't like Porn. The other three are reasonably safe.)
The next three buttons are links to Amazon. These are for the people who want to shop at Amazon, but don't want to search my page for a link. Now, every time you visit Amazon, I'll earn a commission if you click my link first. The first button is generic Amazon, the second button is for DVD's and video games are available under the 3rd Amazon button.
The last button is a SunFyre banner. If you'd like to link SunFyre from your site, I'd greatly appreciate it. I'll be putting new buttons up for other people's sites too.
If you'd like your site to be reviewed and possibly linked from mine, send me a link and an image. The images should be 88x31 or smaller.
The week following September 11, 2001 everywhere you looked were American flags. Stores were sold out. Every home had flags in the yard or windows. Every car had a sticker, or sometimes just a child's drawing taped in the window.
When U.S. troops invaded Afghanistan, people brought their flags out again. Then troops invaded Iraq, and we saw a few more.
The other day, I saw a faded torn sticker on the back of a Chevy and it made me a little sad. I feel like the flags and stickers have faded, but not the patriotic sentiments behind them.
Lets not wait until the next American tragedy. The unfortunate truth is that, in this new world, there will be more tragedy on American soil. Perhaps by terrorism, perhaps accident, perhaps by natural catastrophe. When it happens, Americans will unite again.
I encourage everyone not to wait, but show how we are united as a nation today. If you have an old tattered flag in front of your home, replace it. If you have a sticker, faded and torn on your car, get a new one or perhaps something more permanent.
Happy Flag Day.
I had a terrific link to pass on for my next installment of Horny Thursday, but I checked it out again today, and the site was down. There was something in Italian. Here's what it said, maybe one of you can translate. It probably says something like "This idiot put Porn on his site, even though we said No Porn". Maybe not, 'cause in Italy they have nude beaches. They probably just shut him down for not coughing up the Lira. (eh, Euro)
Anyhow, since the link isn't available, you get a double dose of sexy pictures.
By the way, the links database is up and running. It's pretty cool, but does have some advertising. I'm using Bravenet to host the links page. The pop-unders are a little annoying, so if someone wants to donate $8.25 a month, I'll get them removed.
Please add your favorite links, or even a link to your own site!
The surveys are going down hill. I think they were too long and relatively boring. Sometimes I think to hard. Anyhow, I'm doing new surveys now, starting every Wednesday. These will be quick and easy surveys, and probably lots more fun. This week's survey is about summer! How do you plan to spend your summer? And what is your ideal vacation?
I'm planning future surveys including hottest male and hottest female, greatest movies, and current event surveys. Send me more suggestions.
So, I'm dumping the corkboard as of today.
The links page will be up later today too, so keep an eye out for new construction. You'll be able to add your favorite links, or links to your web sites. Mega pop-up ad pages will be zapped, so don't bother. I'll gradually be adding all the links I post in my log entries.
Also, don't forget... Horny Thursday is coming tomorrow. I've found a couple great links, as well as more sexy pictures. If you hate nudity, come back Friday!
We have been feeling safe because SARS is a long way off, but now the rodents are attacking closer to home. Granted, none of us will probably croak, but several dozen people will be living with the "Yes, I was one of them that caught monkeypox and No, you can't have an autograph." for the rest of their lives.
Here's the full story according to the New York Times.
Woman Kills Man with Her High-Heeled Shoe
Jun 9, 9:40 am ET
NEW YORK (Reuters) - Add "The Shoe Murder" to the chronicles of New York's crimes of passion. A stormy relationship ended up on a Brooklyn street in the early hours of Saturday when a 220 pound woman sat on her ex-boyfriend's chest and clubbed him to death with her size 12 high heeled shoe, police said.
Anna Rhinehart, 40, told authorities she attacked Roosevelt Bonds, 51, in self-defense after he punched her in the mouth, knocking out her two front teeth.
The passionate struggle to the death began at 3 a.m. Saturday when Bonds saw Rhinehart at a restaurant with another man, police said.
"There was a dispute between them and the man was struck in the head and body with a blunt instrument," police spokeswoman Det. Carolyn Chew said.
Rhinehart was charged with manslaughter and criminal possession of a weapon. "It was her shoe," Det. Chew said
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Then reality sets in. A 40 year old, 220 pound woman gets caught with another guy, and beats her boyfriend to death while sitting on him. Only at 3 a.m. in New York.
Thank you, Ms. Rhinehart, you've ruined the sexy stiletto heroin for me, perhaps forever.
Police Rescue Pre-School from Rubber Spider
Jun 9, 9:37 am ETBERLIN (Reuters) - Trembling teachers at a German pre-school called in police to confront a giant spider crawling in a sandbox but it turned out to be a rubber toy, police in the western town of Heilbronn said Sunday.
"They were all highly agitated and trembling with fear," a police spokesman said. Two officers closed off the sandbox and surrounded the "spider" before discovering it was just an imitation toy.
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Was the janitor really that busy?
Was the spider charged with a crime, or let off with a warning?
Have I asked one too many stupid questions about this stupid story?
Drug Dealer Ordered to Return Lottery Payoff
Jun 9, 9:36 am ETHOUSTON (Reuters) - A Texas man who won $5.5 million in the state lottery has been ordered to give it up because he bought the winning ticket with money made selling cocaine, federal officials said Friday.
Lawyers for Jose Luis Betancourt argued that the ticket was purchased with cash from selling old clothes, but a jury in federal court in Brownsville, Texas, disagreed and ruled on Wednesday he had to forfeit the cash, said Assistant U.S. Attorney Nancy Herrera.
Betancourt, 52, was arrested on Jan. 17, just three days after collecting the $5.5 million, for selling 36 grams of cocaine to an undercover agent.
Prosecutors said he had been selling cocaine for at least two years before winning the lottery.
He was found guilty of drug dealing last week and is behind bars awaiting sentencing that could put him in prison for life.
Texas Lottery spokeswoman Kristina Tirloni said the forfeited money would go to the federal government, not the state.
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Most of us would retire comfortably on $5.5 million, but apparently some people like to continue working, even if they were drug dealers! He reminds me of more than one NFL Star from Texas who can't keep out of trouble after they hit the bigtime.
Re-Enactment of Gettysburg Postponed
Tuesday, June 10, 2003 5:51 a.m. ET
GETTYSBURG, Pa. (AP) -- The 140th-anniversary re-enactment of the Battle of Gettysburg has been postponed because long periods of rain have made the fields too muddy.
The annual event, normally held around the anniversary of the July 1-3, 1863 epic Civil War battle, is now scheduled for Aug. 8-10. It was originally scheduled for July 4-6.
"There are few, if any, sites on the East Coast that would be capable of handling an event of this scope and size under the current weather conditions," said Randy Phiel, the event operations director for the Gettysburg Anniversary Committee. "We had to be practical and act responsibly."
In addition to concerns for the safety of the re-enactors and spectators, the event was postponed because of concerns from the farmers whose fields will be used. The farmers won't be able to get to their fields to plant or harvest for several more weeks, Phiel said.
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Seriously, I'm pretty surprised that the actors canceled. I understand the business of tourism, and liability insurance, and damaging a historical site. But, these guys are hard core! Had one of them broken an ankle in the mud in Gettysburg, they wouldn't have sued. They'd just have yelled "Saw it off, and let me bite a bullet!"
I do feel bad for the local Gettysburg community, about two hours drive from here, because those little shop owners and restaurateurs desperately need the tourism revenue every summer. Next season, because of this delay, several of them will be gone.
If you are a huge history buff, Gettysburg should be a pilgrimage. If your one of those (like KAT) who hates that "historical, museum, artsy crap" you'll still have fun. She did when I dragged her there. The town has great little shops and restaurants, plus museums and historical crap that is actually very cool.
Here's the official website. and the site for the Visitors Bureau.
Height of Pleasure, Brothel Offers Plane Sex
Friday, May 30, 2003 10:22 a.m. ET
SANTIAGO, Chile (Reuters) - Having sex in Chile can take you to new heights. At least that's the claim of local brothel Fiorella, which offers clients a flight over the capital, Santiago, accompanied by two ravishing women.
For 350,000 pesos ($500) a client is entitled to an hour-and-a-half session in a small but lavishly decorated aircraft complete with a cooler for fruit and champagne.
"We've been offering this service for around a month-and-a-half now. The standard service is for a gentleman accompanied by two of our girls, but we can also accommodate a group session," a woman answering the business' phone line, told Reuters on condition of anonymity.
Fiorella has three light aircraft. The prostitute "flight attendants," as they are called, are previously selected by the client, are supposed to speak more than one language and be between 18- and 26-years-old.
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If you and your significant other want to have a turbulent romance, search the web. You'll find several places to get high. I didn't link any of the businesses here, simply because I only endorse things I've had personal experiences with. And I can't convince KAT.
Do you have your own two cents? Or maybe a verifiable news story? Send it to me for next Two-Cents Tuesday.
Well, we've had our first user submission. Thanks, Mandarin.
I Like Monkeys.
The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. I thought that odd since they were normally a couple thousand each. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200. I like monkeys.
I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed. Then they punched my genitals. I stopped laughing.
I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new environment. They would screech, hurl themselves off the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.
Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive: they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sorta dropped dead. Kinda like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Damn cheap monkeys.
I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room, on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked like I had 200 throw rugs. I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck. Then I had one dead, wet monkey and 199 dead, dry monkeys. I tried pretending that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for a while, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell real bad. I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in the toilet and I didn't want to call the plumber. I was embarrassed.
I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunately there was only enough room for two monkeys at a time so I had to change them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn't all go bad. I tried burning them. Little did I know my bed was flammable. I had to extinguish the fire. Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in my freezer, and 197 dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. The odor wasn't improving.
I became agitated at my inability to dispose of my monkeys and to use the bathroom. I severely beat one of my monkeys. I felt better. I tried throwing them away but the garbage man said that the city wasn't allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him that I had a wet one. He couldn't take that one either. I didn't bother asking about the frozen ones.
The early survey results are coming in for June. Many of my readers apparently spend too much time surfing, and don't play console games. Thank goodness, because I don't own a PS/2, or GameCube or the one with the X that Bill Gates is currently using to milk teenage wallets.
Most of you play web based games, even more than store bought PC games. So I'm developing a new tradition here at SunFyre. Every Monday morning, I'll throw up a couple new games or diversions. These will be safe enough to play at the office when you are trying not to get motivated for the week ahead. We should have had a few posts since the past Horny Thursday to require scrolling. You won't get busted for looking at naked pictures on Monday.
You might still get in trouble for playing games all morning at work, but if you promise to email your supervisor a link, you should get off the hook. Eventually your entire department will have betting pools on who can score highest on SunFyre games. You Slackers should get a significant residual income every Monday morning. Don't thank me, just send a percentage!
Here's your first installment. I'd write more, but you'll ignore me and play all day anyhow so I'll shut up now.
I rented Catch Me If You Can over the weekend. I first read this book back in the '80s and loved it. For a while, I wondered why no one ever made a movie based on it. I figured it would make a great CBS Sunday Night Movie or at least a USA Network exclusive. As years went by, I never saw one, and figured it got overlooked.
I should have figured that Frank Abagnale would have held out for a big deal. He got it when Steven Spielberg, Tom Hanks and Leonardo DiCaprio signed up for the project.
Here's the Reader's Digest version. Leonardo plays Frank, a 17 year old who, when his Dad is bankrupted by the IRS for tax evasion, runs away and gradually begins to steal by writing bad checks. Within two years he successfully poses as an airline pilot, a pediatrician, and an assisting prosecuting attorney. He traveled throughout the world, cashing checks and forging documents to the tune of $4 million.
Tom Hanks plays the FBI agent, Carl Hanratty, who finally captures him. (I'm not giving anything away, the movie opens with his capture.) Hanks character is a little bit bumbling, but not so much that you didn't expect him to eventually crack the case.
Hanks and DiCaprio both give great performances. And Spielberg is always a master storyteller. This movie is funny, and a little thought provoking. It's one of those I enjoyed the next day just as much as when I was watching it. I kept remembering little lines and reworking the plot in my head.
Strangely, the book is written by a professional liar, and therefore somewhat unbelievable. Spielberg made the movie version equally fantastic, but somehow credible.
Typically I'd recommend seeing a movie first, then reading the book. Books are usually better than movies, and it's difficult to spoil a book because the enjoyment is in the reading rather than the finale. This movie is different. It's as good or better than the book. You may want to read the book first, then rent the DVD. (Rent or buy the DVD in widescreen edition, the cinematography is terrific too.)
SunFyre
Happy Birthday to Me. Today is my 33rd. Send me a card from here or here or here. It was a dreary birthday, it rained and the kids were cranky much of the day. Ok, it wasn't the kids. I was cranky. Our friends came over with their two year old, who they affectionately call "wild man". And I got a sneak preview of my life, times two. My 33rd year looks more challenging every day. I'm a little cranky.
Well I'm off to tuck in the little ones. June 7th is an important day! Here's a little about the history of June 7th.
On June 7th in the year...
1498 Christopher Columbus left on his third voyage of exploration. 1712 The Pennsylvania Assembly banned the importation of slaves. 1775 The United Colonies changed their name to the United States. 1860 The book, Malaeska, the Indian Wife of the White Hunter by Mrs. Ann Stevens, was offered for sale for a dime. It was the first "dime novel." 1892 John Joseph Doyle became the first pinch-hitter in baseball when he was used in a game. 1914 The first vessel passed through the Panama Canal. 1929 The sovereign state of Vatican City came into existence as copies of the Lateran Treaty were exchanged in Rome. 1939 King George VI and his wife, Queen Elizabeth, arrived in the U.S. It was the first visit to the U.S. by a reigning British monarch. 1955 "The $64,000 Question" premiered. 1965 Sony Corporation unveiled its brand-new consumer home videotape recorder. The black and white unit sold for $995. 1976 "The NBC Nightly News," with John Chancellor and David Brinkley, aired for the first time. 1998 James Byrd Jr., at age 49, was murdered in Jasper, TX. Byrd had been dragged to death behind a pickup truck. On February 25, 1999 William King was sentenced to the death penalty for the racial crime while two other men charged awaited trial. Celebrating birthdays with me...
Born in 1981, Russian model (and occasional tennis player) Anna Kournikova became a professional tennis player at the age of 15.With her partner, Martina Hingis, she won two Doubles titles. Her success on court pales in comparison to her success as an Internet heart throb. While making teenage boys fantasize, she's been romantically linked to Britney Spears. Prince was born in Minneapolis in 1958 as Prince Roger Nelson. His biggest hit is ``When Doves Cry,'' which topped Billboard's Hot 100 for five weeks and sold more than 2 million copies. Prince garnered awards including 2 Grammys and the Oscar for Best Score for the soundtrack to Purple Rain. On his 35th birthday in 1993, Prince shocked the nation when he changed his name to an unpronounceable symbol while in contract disputes with Warner Brothers. He happily changed his name back to "Prince" upon the expiration of his contract.
Born in 1952, Irish-born actor Liam Neeson became a superstar in 1993 with the success of Schindler’s List. Among others, Neeson appeared in, The Dead Pool (1988), Darkman (1990) and Husbands and Wives (1992). Still, it was not a film that caught the eye of director, Steven Spielberg, but rather Neeson’s Broadway debut in "Anna Christie." Neeson’s performance made such an impact on Spielberg that he offered Neeson the role of Oskar Schindler in the critically acclaimed Schindler’s List. Neeson has gone on to star insome of SunFyre's favorite movies, Nell (1994), Rob Roy (1995), Michael Collins (1996), Les Miserables (1998) and a couple small art house projects called Star Wars Episode I & II.
Tom Jones was born in 1940 and began singing professionally at the age of 16. By 1965, Jones had a smash hit with the song, "It’s Not Unusual." Jones followed up with a string of hits including, "What’s New Pussycat", "I’ll Never Fall in Love Again" and "She’s a Lady". Jones lost some of his star power in the 70s and early 80s, then rose to fame as a cover artist with Prince’s "Kiss", EMF’s "Unbelieveable", and the Beatles tune "All You Need is Love". Born in England in 1909, Jessica Tandy won her Oscar at the age of 80, for the film Driving Miss Daisy. Tandy began a successful theatre career playing Ophelia in a 1934 production of "Hamlet." In 1940, Tandy moved to America, where she met and married her husband and frequent co-star, Hume Cronyn. Tennessee Williams discovered Tandy in 1947, and quickly hired her to play the tumultuous Blanche DuBois in his play, "A Streetcar Named Desire," and Tandy went on to win a Tony Award for the role. Of the many performances that Tandy gave throughout her career, some of the most memorable were in Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds (1963), Cocoon (1985), Driving Miss Daisy (1989), Fried Green Tomatoes (1991) and Used People (1992). Tandy passed away in 1994.
I'm planning to make Fridays "Video Review Friday" to give you something to rent or go see. I even have Catch Me If You Can ready to write, but I'm tired. It's a terrific movie... go see it or rent it, the DVD came out last week. Or wait until tomorrow night and I'll give you the details.
Meanwhile, peek at the reviews page, leave a message on the corkboard, and take the darn survey.
Last month 16 of you told me how it was. Here's the results (although the survey is still running on our archives page.)
Yes Please!
- Video reviews
- Jokes
- Naked women
- Weird news stories
- Funny pictures
- Game reviews
No, Thanks
- Naked men
- Opinions and rants
- Gross Pictures
- Babble about my babies
As for video and movie reviews, I'll keep them coming. Send me your recommendations, or even reviews of your own.
Jokes sure... no problem. Did you hear the one about the Priest, Rabbi, Lesbian, Penguin, Irish woman, Polish guy, Blind guy, and Bill Clinton who all walked into a gay bar? Never mind, you probably heard it.
I'm starting to look for weird news and funny pictures. I'll post them as I get them.
Anyhow, below is our first weekly installment of Horny Thursday.
You said no to gross pictures and naked men. I've listened and respect your opinion.
You also said no to hearing my opinions about the world, and listening to me babble about my Twins. To that I say "Shut up, and go away." Do you think I do this for my health? Yes, actually I do. I babble endlessly as sort of therapy. It's my Damn site, and you are cheaper than a therapist! Anyhow, since we've started we have been increasing readers almost every day. So, somebody reads this stuff. Thanks.
I'm sorry, our 50 minutes is up, get off my damn couch... SunFyre
Well, I actually made it to the movies. Saturday afternoon KAT and I went to see the Matrix sequel. The Matrix Reloaded was pretty good. It rode the borderline between Worth the Rental and Worth the Popcorn. The thing that finally pushed it into the $15 category is the special effects. Reloaded is full of computer generated graphics, which I typically don't like, but I was amazed.
There are several intense fight scenes, one wins the prize for originality when Neo fights many copies of the same agent. The badass Agent Smith from the original is back, only he's figured out how to replicate himself. Neo kicks his asses, all 50 of them, The scene is relatively cool but because it's so impossible it must be computer generated, it makes the other fight scenes less believable. Whether you believe Keanu Reeves is actually a martial arts master is irrelevant. The scenes are still cool.
Morpheus (Laurence Fishburne) is less omnipotent in the sequel, which makes him more interesting. Trinity (Carrie-Anne Moss) is pretty awesome again, but her role isn't as important to the plot.
The plot was the area where the movie lost points for me. Fans of the original appreciate the Hitchcock-ian aspect of "is this the real world I'm living in?" We've all had those moments of "this can't really be my life." We could somehow relate to Neo and his new understanding of reality.
Reloaded has a completely different twist. Now he's comfortable with his new environment and he's faced with "Am I really the Saviour of these people?" You get an interesting look into the city of Zion where the freed people now live deep inside the earth. One plot line has the machines burrowing toward Zion and imminent attack. The other major plot line has Neo trying to hack the Matrix from the inside out. You also get a little better understanding of the architecture of the matrix, and how the programs work together to create this world.
Unfortunately, without giving much away, the plot lines can't coexist. There are major space-time issues that would baffle even Jean-Luc Picard. If you don't know who Jean-Luc Picard is, you will probably not be bothered by the confusing plot that is contrary to most science fiction. If you are a Star Trek fan, you won't like the fact that some plot inconsistencies are not explained.
It's hard to tell whether the plot was sloppy in editing, or whether they are holding back for the 3rd installment of the trilogy. I'll admit, it left me wanting more. I just hope it delivers later this year.
We've also added a corkboard. Please feel free to post messages. It is pretty empty right now.
One final note, the file name of this page has changed from index.htm to index.html to work better with the message board. If you have bookmarked this page, you may need to update.
Please watch your head and wear your hard hat and safety goggles.
Ashley Judd looks smart and sexy in this movie. Unfortunately, a lousy plot and lousy writing make High Crimes a loser in general. Her character in particular never gets fleshed out properly. I never developed a good feeling for her. She's supposedly a young lawyer on the fast track to partnership, when her husband is arrested for a mass murder he committed in the military nine years earlier. She becomes convinced he's innocent, and risks everything to free him from an obvious conspiracy.
This movie had the makings of a dynamic courtroom drama, with a plot that military conspiracy theorists would go crazy over. It seemed like a formula plot, but the formula works so, why not?
Unfortunately, somebody got the idea that they should dump the formula. The courtroom drama flopped when the prosecutor suddenly drops the charges. Ultimately, the conspiracy wasn't a conspiracy. And when good guys are bad and bad guys are ok, no one is surprised.
If you think I've just spoiled the plot... sorry, but it was spoiled before I wrote this.
So why did I give it my "worth the rental" rating? Simply, any movie that lets me watch Ashley Judd and a scantily clad Amanda Peet (who has a relatively small role) for two hours deserves a little credit. This movie wasn't unwatchable. We just kept waiting for it to get better and it didn't.
A final note. For Morgan Freeman fans, which I am, don't bother with this movie. He has a weak character, poorly written and very cliche. He's an incredibly talented actor, who got a bad role.
Tomorrow, I'll review the new Matrix movie. Check back in.
Sunday we went to see the NASCAR race in Dover DE. It was 50 degrees, extremely windy and sprinkled on and off all afternoon. The race should have been three hours. At the three hour mark, they were only on lap 202 of 400. I looked at KAT and said "next year let's go to a race in June". Then she informed me it is June. It felt like March. We actually left early. The seats were horrible, and it was freezing. Not worth $100. Next year, we will probably go back to Pocono. It's a much better venue for watching racing.
At around lap 250 we started walking toward the car. We stopped by a couple trucks selling stuff, but didn't find what I wanted. I was looking for one of those mini helmets. Oh well.
We listened to the race on the way home. It actually had a pretty good show for the fans that stayed. Ryan Newman won, holding off Jeff Gordon, Jeff Burton, and Tony Stewart.
Tony had a terrific race considering he had a one lap penalty. He pitted with one wheel outside the pit box. KAT got a terrific photo of the illegal stop. He was pretty upset about the penalty, but he clearly broke the rules, and I have the evidence.
By far, KAT's favorite part of the show was the gas men going to fill up their tanks. After each stop they'd walk across in front of us pulling their carts. KAT thought they looked like people pulling their children in wagons. Most times they were only towing one can because with so many yellow flags they rarely used both. After a long green, she saw the guys running with two cans in their wagons. "Oh, look" she said "Twins!"
The event was dedicated to the Armed Forces. There were several fly-overs by jets, planes and helicopters before the race. We were just getting our seats so we only got one decent picture. I think I enjoyed the planes more than the cars because of our lousy seats.
