Home - June Archives - May Archives - New Orleans Archive
As most of you know, I back-dated a few entries after I returned from New Orleans. It's August 20th and the August log is getting large. So I am doing my regular monthly archive today. There is new New Orleans entries posted just yesterday. For those of you who haven't tuned in for a couple days, make sure to check out the new July 2003 Archive. It has a couple new things.
Furthermore, I'm making a special Archive exclusively for New Orleans. It contains all the July New Orleans log entries as well as more full size photos. Now all the entries and photos are on one page. Please visit the New Orleans Archive.
Thursday the 24th we dropped Sun Jr. and A. Grace at KAT's parents' house. we felt that two three hour plane rides, five nights in a hotel room, several dinners out and 95+ degree heat would be too much for two 15 month olds. It was almost too much for their parents.
Honestly, we needed a break. Raising twins is a full time job. We both work, I work from home, so beyond our regular jobs we chase babies. Anything else (like bathing, eating and sleeping) becomes of secondary importance.
There were a few times while we were away that I missed them so much I wanted to hop a flight home. One evening the convention brought in a local jazz band. (The only really good music I heard in New Orleans.) And I was thinking about Sun Jr. He'd just started dancing whenever he hears music he likes. He loves something with a good beat and seems to love horns. I wished at that moment he would have been with me, because I know he'd be dancing. Another time at the Riverwalk mall I saw a little girl walking like a drunken sailor, very similar to the way A. Grace does right now. I missed my baby daughter that day.
The trip home wasn't nearly as difficult because of them. I just knew that whatever discomfort or outright pain I was in was only temporary, and in a few short hours I'd be home.
My trip home started much as the trip to New Orleans. I was felt up by another large African American man with a security badge. (It was nice, I got his number, we are also still dating.)
Lucky for me, my new friend Mike was working the gate again in New Orleans. He carried me onto the plane. Before we got on, I figured out the best seat for me to use was 4-C. We talked Mike into asking the other passengers to swap. The plane wasn't full, so it was pretty easy to rearrange people.
A few hours later we were driving home to Reading from Philadelphia. I couldn't wait to see my kids. When we arrived they were waiting at the front door. Their grandparents had brought them home in time for our arrival. They opened the front door and both kids ran from the house. Our little girl ran straight into my wife's arms. Our little boy ran toward me, then stopped. Apparently he saw a stick in the yard. It looked like more fun. He picked it up and took a bite.
Welcome home.
Monday night was family night. My beautiful wife, my two sisters, my grandmother, my father and his wife all went to a classy New Orleans restaurant in the French Quarter called The Court of Two Sisters. It's this strange little restaurant in a courtyard between Bourbon and Royal Streets. The restaurant has been around for about a hundred years. Before that it was a notions shop owned by two sisters of a prominent Louisiana Family.
As the story goes, the waiters would be required to whistle as they walked carrying food. Whistling guaranteed they weren't eating off patrons' plates. Our waiter was named Jeremy and he wasn't whistling. Apparently they are no longer required to whistle. I'm not sure, but I think I saw Jeremy chewing something more than once. Maybe not.
I had turtle soup. Normally I love turtle soup, but this was made with brandy and didn't blow me away. Everyone else enjoyed dinner thoroughly, and I took a tip from Jeremy and snuck a few bites off everyone else's plate.
Tuesday night we were back at the convention for the final banquet and awards ceremony. Normally those awards ceremony things bore me to death. This was different. This organization is like giant family. It was like a big party among friends.
The final ceremony was a formal affair. I wore a tuxedo shirt and bow tie. My funny little body doesn't fit coats with tails very well, so I went coatless.
I felt confident and on top of the world that night. I've always felt my wife was attractive, but she looked amazing that night. She was one of the most beautiful women in a room of 1500 beautiful people. I'd made a few friends, and many acquaintances throughout the week. I got to introduce them too my wife that night. I loved the feeling of them doing a double take. It's amazing how a beautiful woman at your side can influence people's perception of you.
She didn't say so, and probably wouldn't, but I think she felt beautiful that night too. Above everything else, that made me happy.
I met some incredibly wealthy, incredibly talented, very prestigious people that night. If I told you there names, some you'd recognize and others you wouldn't. I even made a couple important business contacts. Perhaps I'll tell you all about them another day, but not today. Today is about remembering a great night with a beautiful woman.
Sunday was pretty much filled with conference meetings, but Sunday night was a foundation event for the association. The event was $2,500 per table of six. I hadn't kissed enough butt to get free tickets, so we decided to wander the French Quarter instead. I figured I probably wouldn't spend $2,500, and if I did I'd have a much better party.
We saw lots of people with beads. KAT said she wanted some. I told her she'd have to flash somebody to get some. She said "I'm not doing anything dirty just to get beads!" She'd regret saying those exact words later.
Late in the afternoon, we walked down Decatur from the hotel toward the French Market. We stopped and wandered around a park called Jackson Square, I believe. Apparently most of the year Jackson Square is filled with buskers (street performers), fortune tellers and artists. In late July many of them are on vacation. Foot traffic in the Quarter is at its lowest of the summer and the heat and humidity is at its highest.
There were a couple artists, a couple henna tattooists, and about five really bad fortune tellers. I assume that these were people who take over spots when the regular tarot card readers are vacationing or working in Baltimore.
We saw this Korean man painting with tiny flat brushes. We realized he was doing little paintings strung together to form words. In a few minutes we watched him create several paintings for passers-by. We'd been looking for something unique to commemorate our trip. We found it that day. For $20 we got a unique piece of art. It took him the whole of 12 minutes. As we were walking away with our new prize, thinking we got a terrific deal, I realized this guy can crank out five or six of these can hour. He's making $100 an hour.
It was hot and nightfall was approaching so we headed over three blocks to Bourbon and began to walk back. For a guy in a wheelchair, Bourbon Street is great. After dark they shut it down to traffic. It's the smoothest part of the quarter because all the sidewalks are brick or stone. The six blocks were an easy walk, and the scenery was certainly interesting.
There's only one thing that flows more than alcohol in New Orleans, sexuality. And Bourbon Street is the center of all sexuality and alcohol consumption. We walked down through and saw restaurants with appetizers for $50, next to a "GrandMa Went to New Orleans and All I Got Was This Lousy Tee Shirt" Shop, next to the club with topless-bottomless table dancing at moderate prices!.
There were probably a few hookers, but it was difficult to tell because many women were wearing very little. Every so often, you'd see a balcony crowd tossing beads to the people below. The crowds were so thick below the balconies you couldn't see what people were doing to earn their beads. KAT wouldn't let me investigate!
She also wouldn't let me stop in at Larry Flynt's Hustler night club. I told her Larry is in a wheelchair too, so it's probably very accessible. She said "That's what I'm afraid of."
We were almost back to the hotel. Finally, KAT said "that's it, I'm getting some beads." I got all excited thinking she's headed into the balcony crowd. But she just went in a tee shirt shop and plunked down a couple bucks. She walked out, untangling two strands. She said, "See, nothing dirty" and suddenly dropped one strand. It hit the sidewalk and slid, almost in slow motion into the gutter. She reached for them without thinking. I'm not even sure how much of that puddle was New Orleans daily rain water, spilled beer and urine. All I know is when those beads came out of the gutter they had a disgusting film completely coating them.
She carried them home holding them only by a single bead. She wanted to get her 99 cents worth so she wouldn't throw them away. She should have shown her boobs, it would have been less "dirty".
Saturday night the conference began with a keynote speech and a cocktail reception. The reception had mostly those tall tables you use while standing. The kind that guys in wheelchairs can count the used chewing gum from underneath. I finally found a back corner table. I'm very social, so it was about my last choice, but the only choice where I could actually put a plate down.
The table ended up being relatively popular. People who don't particularly enjoy big social events would eventually find my table and sit. I met four or five interesting people, and another half dozen dorks.
Then and extremely tall, extremely attractive woman walked up and sat down. Everyone else had first names in big letters, and full names in tiny letters on name tags. Her tag simply said Model Mary. She instantly sat down and shook my hand. She said "I'm Model Mary, and I've been looking forward to meeting you."
I'm expecting to wake up any minute from some teasingly good dream. You see, models, or at least women who look like them are usually only excited to meet me in dreams. Typically women who stand 5 ft. 11 never even see me roll past.
She shook my hand, and sat as if this were a completely natural occurrence. Then she began to tell me about her brother who uses a wheelchair. I usually hate these conversations. People assume I give a crap about their brother, sister, daughter, son, or brother's uncle's cousin's grandmother. They also assume that this poor sad slob to whom they are related gives them an understanding of my life. Before they get into describing how he was a champion athlete before he drove drunk and smashed his Pontiac and now his most recent accomplishment is being able to drink Thanksgiving dinner through a straw, I cut them off.
I remember one time in a night club in Philadelphia. I was about 21, and this incredible looking woman asked me to dance. She was older, probably 28 or 30. We start dancing, and my beer goggles have me thinking things are going well. She is standing close and asking about me. Then she says, "I'm so glad to see you out tonight, my seven year old son is in a wheelchair, he has muscular dystrophy." Then I realized this was a charity dance, or maybe she wanted to feel better about something.
I stopped dancing and said "I'm really sorry. I don't want to mislead you, but I never sleep with women with children. Goodbye." And I rolled away.
In retrospect, I probably hurt her feelings. But hopefully she'll see her son as a more complete person. She'll understand that wheelchair guys are similar to other guys. We are sexual beings and a$$holes sometimes too.
Anyhow, Model Mary was getting ready to tell me some lousy story about how her brother inspires her. I was going to bolt, but Hell, she was at my table and I wasn't giving it up.
Then, she stopped talking about her brother. Come to find out, she'd heard about me in a professional capacity. She didn't realize I was disabled until later. We ended up having a great conversation. Model Mary is a Ford model, some of the highest paid in the world. She also was extremely intelligent. She was transitioning from her modeling career into professional speaking and wanted marketing advice.
We only spoke a few minutes, but it was one of the most enjoyable meetings I had all conference. If you ever get a chance. Don't avoid dinner with a highly paid fashion model. They are people too!
Saturday was one of those lazy days. We slept late. Had breakfast in the lounge on the 21st floor. The hotel, as you can see in yesterday's log, is two towers stacked on a five story building. We were in the tallest tower. To get to the 21st floor lounge, you had to go down to levels 1, 2 or 5. The fifth floor is actually the roof of the main building. On the roof were two swimming pools and a cabana type lounge. We figured we'd spend lots of time here, KAT swimming, and SunFyre watching bikinis. Just walking across the roof however we realized New Orleans is a stupid place to have a swimming pool. It's so humid you'd probably jump in, and never ever get dry. Apparently everyone else thought the same, because I didn't see a single bikini babe the entire week.
After breakfast we cruised down Canal Street to the Riverwalk. It's an old warehouse and wharf connected to the new convention center. It's been converted to a mall. We went there just to have lunch, then walk around the French quarter, but the mall was pretty cool so we spent the afternoon in air conditioning.
We ended up eating at the food court. Around here a mall food court consists of a pizza place, a Chinese place, a Mexican place and four or five sandwich shops. I assumed that's just the way it was everywhere. Down there the food court had the same pizza, Chinese and Mexican, but four shops sold seafood instead. Definitely a pleasant surprise for me.
The other thing about New Orleans is that everything is spicy. Spicy isn't quite the word. Much of it is Damn Hot. There are even stores where all they sell is hot sauce, hundreds of varieties.
Food is extremely important. There are cooking schools on nearly every corner. Many shops that would sell tee-shirts and post cards also sold hot sauce and beignet mix. If you've never heard of a beignet, it's a type of fried dough pastry covered in confectioners sugar. They usually come three to a order, but I've never seen anyone eat three. I think they are a social food, which fits right in line with the New Orleans philosophy. Food and drink are good... food and drink with friends is better!
Music is extremely important in New Orleans too. Unfortunately, it's important as a tourist trap. Every mini market and tourist junk shop had a huge rack of Cajun music CDs. You could hear the blues everywhere, but only because bars and restaurants and even the local beer mart had it blasting over speakers to draw the crowds in. If you are looking for great live music, hop a plane to San Antonio, because that's where the good music has gone. The only live music I heard here was complete crap.
Even the Riverwalk mall had a four peace jazz band that wandered around playing, and looking like they couldn't give a sh*t.
The convention opened Saturday night so we didn't make it to the French Quarter yet.
We checked into the New Orleans Marriott on Canal Street yesterday afternoon. The accommodations alone made the travel worth while. The convention we were attending was held in the hotel. My father was serving as president of the association holding the convention, so the Marriott gave us the Presidential Suite. It was on the 40th of 41 floors, only the top level restaurant was higher. The Presidential Suite had two bedrooms, a dining area, a small kitchen, and two sitting areas. All the furniture, with the exception of the dining room table, was antique (or reproductions, how would I know.)
I took a bunch of pictures of the interior and views from the 40th floor, both daytime and nighttime. The pictures didn't look right when I squished them down for this log, so I made a completely separate page of Presidential photos. Enjoy, but realize they are quite large for those of you using a 14.4 modem.
After checking in, my grandmother who asks too many direct questions, asked another one. She looked at me, KAT, and my sister and said "I am inviting a friend to join us for dinner, is that ok?" My sister, KAT and I all looked at each other, and none of us knew we'd even invited Grandma to dinner. We were planning on finding large quantities of seafood and alcohol, and didn't expect she'd be accompanying us. Apparently we were wrong.
"Uh, ok." We all mumbled almost in unison.
Around 8:00 p.m. Susan arrived. She was somewhat younger than we expected. My grandmother's friend was actually the daughter of my grandmother's friend from Pennsylvania. Susan was 50ish and extremely cool. Come to find out, she worked for the National Park Service. Her job is organizing tourism in the French Quarter. She knew New Orleans like the back of her hand. She asked us what kind of food we wanted, to which we replied "seafood".
"It's Friday night so lines will be long." She pondered, then said "I know where we'll go."
"Is it accessible?" I asked, not expecting a terrific answer.
"Absolutely, why would I take you somewhere that wasn't?" She said. I was surprised by her certainty about the accessibility, as well as the accessibility of the streets between here and there. She knew exactly where I should get off the sidewalk, and travel in the street. Come to find out, when the Worlds Fair was in New Orleans in the mid '80s she was charged with making the French Quarter as wheelchair accessible as possible.
As difficult as getting from the airport to the Marriott was, I assumed incorrectly that's the entire town was one giant barrier. In fact, New Orleans is an extremely flat City. Almost every shop and every curb was either flat or ramped. I had very little trouble getting around. Even the sidewalks, which were mostly made of flatrock and paving brick, were extremely well maintained.
We arrived at Deanie's Seafood around 8:30. In Reading, we consider a line at a restaurant a 30 minute wait in the bar before our table is ready. In New Orleans, a line means people standing outside the door waiting to get too the bar. The bar then has a wait of 45 minutes to an hour. We sat at the bar and drank beer and margaritas. The margaritas were served in a draft beer glass, and the draft beer came in what looked like a fish bowl. Either they purposely swapped glasses for some kind of ambience thing, or our bartender was dyslexic. Either way, my sister enjoyed a very big beer.
At 9:30 we sat down to the biggest heap of incredibly fresh seafood I've ever seen. I ordered catfish. It was approximately 20 small catfish fillets deep fried. Their free appetizer was new red potatoes boiled in the same water in which they boil crawfish. They were perfectly cooked and very spicy. KAT had a blackened red fish that was wonderful. If you order fish in Pennsylvania, they ask you "broiled or fried". Down there, almost everything is fried, except a few blackened varieties.
Amazing food, great atmosphere. Visit Deanie's on the corner of Lake and Iberville.
Well, I'm back! I neglected you longer than originally anticipated. I'm sorry, so shut up!
Actually, I got back last Wednesday. It took me a full week to get caught up with work. Today is August 6th. I decided to back-date my entries until I get caught up. That way you get the effect of traveling right along with me.
I'm going to give you a full account of my travels over the next few days. We had a pretty good time. Actually, it was an awesome trip, book-ended by two bouts of anxiety. I anticipated that my first airplane trip in 26 years would be challenging to say the least.
We arrived at the Philadelphia Airport a full two hours before the flight. The plane was scheduled for 9:41 a.m. so we had to leave our house at 6:00. That meant getting up at 4:45 a.m.
Tip O' the Day... Give extremely accurate information to the baggage check person! My wheelchair runs on batteries and requires a charger. I made sure I had dry-cell sealed batteries, the only kind approved for airline travel. They run about $200 each, $400 for the pair. We were checking our luggage and the ticket counter woman asked "What's that?" and pointed to the charger. For some reason my wife has always called it a "battery" rather than a "battery charger". So she said "It's his battery."
For those of you who don't know, a wheelchair battery charger is a large metal box with long heavy duty wires protruding. If I were building a bomb big enough to take out an airliner, it would probably look similar. Anyhow, the woman says, "We need a battery box for that." and before I could say "No, it's just a charger." she disappeared into the depths of the magic baggage conveyor belt room and didn't return for 40 minutes. In this 40 minutes, I missed my breakfast window.
We got through security where a small black man patted me down in the name of National Security. It was nice, I got his number, we are now dating.
We reported to the gate counter about an hour before take-off time. They told us we would board first, 30 minutes before take-off. I'm thinking half an hour is perfect. I estimated 15-20 minutes to get me on board, that left 10-15 minutes for everyone else. Apparently, 10-15 minutes for everyone else isn't enough time. I made the flight 15 minutes late. Apparently, 15 minutes is pretty important when flying. Next thing you knew, we'd missed our place in line on the runway. So we actually took off around 10:45.
Getting on the plane was a treat. They stick you on a little cart that looks like it should roll under cars at Jiffy Lube. When I saw it, my first thought was to have the guy check the transmission while he was down there. Then I realized the cart was for me.
I got rolled back to aisle 7, seats D E & F. We realized at that point that the arm rest on row 7 seat D didn't raise up. Eventually, in significant pain, they got me into seat 5 C. I highlighted it for you on the diagram.
Somehow, the hour we lost on the runway was made up in the air. We only landed about 15 minutes late. My question is, if they can make up time by flying faster, why don't they always fly faster. It's not like there's traffic, or road construction. I didn't see one tractor trailer either. You'd think they'd get up there and just let her rip!! Didn't they see Top Gun for craps sake?!
Getting off the plane was a little easier. I talked this big guy named Mike into breaking every airline rule, and picking me up and carrying me off. No more f#cking Jiffy Lube cart!
As I mentioned, I anticipated the flight would be even more difficult. I was relieved to be on the ground only 20 minutes from downtown New Orleans. I'd called a cab company called United about a month earlier. I asked them if they had wheelchair accessible taxis. The incredibly friendly woman said, "certainly, we do". In that incredibly friendly way all Southern women seem to speak.
About three days before my trip, I called United cab company again and said, I need to make arrangements for a wheelchair accessible cab from the airport to the Marriott downtown. "How far in advance do I need to reserve a wheelchair accessible cab?" Another incredibly friendly southern woman said "no need to reserve one, we always have them near the airport, just call from a courtesy phone, and someone will be there in 10-15 minutes."
I'm thinking, this is the best wheelchair accessible taxi service I've ever seen!
We arrived and called from the courtesy phone. "Hello, thank you for calling United Cab Company." A third incredibly friendly southern woman answers.
"Hello, I need a wheelchair accessible cab at the airport." I said in my very tired, yet equally friendly Yankee voice.
"A what? A wheelchair what?" She replied.
"I need a wheelchair accessible cab, like a van with a lift, or perhaps a ramp." Thinking she just wasn't familiar.
"Oh, you mean a handicapped van." She replied. "We don't have any of those."
"But I spoke with someone the other day..." and I continued to tell my tale. To which she replied "Gee, someone must have given you the wrong information. We don't have any of those. Thank you for calling Unit..." I hung up.
We went to the Airport Shuttle service desk. A tremendously friendly southern woman said "How may I..."
"I need transportation to the Marriott." I said. "I need a wheelchair acce... um... Handicapped van."
She says, "Certainly, did you make a reservation?" And she started to type something on her hidden computer screen. My sister who was traveling with us relayed the cab company story, and informed her we didn't have a reservation.
"Well, you need to make a reservation 48 hours in advance." She said with a southern smile and she stopped typing. "But we don't have 48 hours." My sister replied equally friendly.
"Well, you need 48 hours." She said again. Smiling.
"Is there someone you can call?" I asked.
"Well, I suppose I could call dispatch upstairs." She said, and began dialing. Some answered the phone, and she said "Hello, there's a man in a wheelchair here. Does he need 48 hours notice?... yes... ok." Click. "They said you need 48 hours." She said smiling.
I'm a small man. 5 foot nothing, 130 pounds, and I have a soft voice.
"WE DON'T HAVE 48 HOURS. WE NEED A RIDE NOW. CALL UPSTAIRS AND MAKE IT HAPPEN. IF YOU CAN'T... FIND SOMEONE WHO CAN." I yelled, surprising everyone particularly her. She looked like a deer in headlights. Speechless, literally with her mouth open.
At that point a little man who made me look big shuffled up from behind. He introduced himself as a supervisor and made two calls on his cell phone. Thirty-five minutes later the shuttle arrived. Twenty minutes later I was in the bar next to the Marriott eating my first meal (red beans & rice) since leaving. Eleven hours and forty-five minutes, including adjustment for Central Standard Time. I was beat, and my vacation hadn't even started.
I'd like to apologize for something I've done, and something I'm about to do. I've been ignoring you, my faithful SunFyre readers for a few days. I've put up a few things, some of them were even funny, but I haven't written anything myself lately. You see, I got a new game. It's Star Wars Galaxies. For those of you who became addicted to EverQuest a few years ago, this game is even more amazing.
You choose one of eight races from the Star Wars world. Then you choose one of six general career paths. Eventually you get better in your career and can specialize in about 30-40 different possible careers. Everything from bounty hunter to exotic dancer is available.
This massively multi-player game is played online. There is a hefty purchase price of $50-$80 dollars, plus there is a monthly fee of about $12. I used to think they should give away the original software on games that charge a monthly fee, but now I've had a change of heart. Anyone who invests $50 in a game is serious about playing it. That's important for multi-player games, because as wonderful as the graphics are, and the story-line is great, and the world is mammoth, but all of that would be worthless without enough players.
I've played other games that gave the software away, or sold it as low as $3.99. There were tons of new players who left before the first free month expired. One game boasted 600,000 CDs distributed, but their four servers typically had 100-200 players at a time. EverQuest had 40 servers running with 2000-3000 players each at peak hours.
Star Wars Galaxies has about 20 servers, and they all seem well populated, even with the high price of the original software. I've been waiting for this game for about three years, shortly after I got EverQuest. It was worth the wait.
I know I'm telling you my review already, but I'll actually be reviewing this game in depth over the coming weeks. So, buy the game now if you've been thinking about it. If you still aren't sure, I'll give you more detail later.
They say the worst food in New Orleans is better than the best food most other places in the world, so I'm planning to eat a lot. KAT lost 9 1/2 pounds before the trip (and she looks amazing) so she's hoping to eat guilt free all week.
I've heard about the methods of getting beads at Mardi Gras. Does that work all year round? If so, I'll be flashing my nipples to everyone I see. (Does it work for guys too?)
I'll be back on Wednesday the 30th, probably with some interesting travel tales. I'm a little nervous, frankly. I haven't been on an airplane since 1977. I was 7 years old and it was a puddle jumper in comparison.
I'm not afraid of flying, I've just never done it because hauling my disabled butt onto an airplane is a huge pain. KAT has always been reluctant to fly, so she never minded driving long distances. I've driven from Kentucky to Maine to Florida (not in one trip) and we've always enjoyed it. But New Orleans is significantly further, and we have limited time. We would have had six days of driving 8-hour days.
Anyhow, I'll be back next week, with pictures and stories I'm sure.
There were two golfers out on the course. One of the men pulled out a cigarette, and asked his friend for a light. His friend pulls out a 12 inch Bic lighter.
"Wow, where did you get such a large Bic?"
"Oh, my Genie got it for me."
"Your Genie? You have a Genie? Where is he?"
"He's in my golf bag."
"Can I see him?"
"Sure" the friend answers.
So the golfer looks in the bag, and out pops the Genie. The golfer says "I am your Master's best friend. Would you grant me just one wish?"
The Genie says "Yes, just one wish."
So the man wishes for a million bucks. The Genie slips back into the bag and soon the sky begins to darken. It gets even darker, and the golfer looks up to see a million ducks flying overhead.
The man gets upset, and says "What's the matter with that stupid Genie? Is he hard of hearing? I asked for a million Bucks, not a million Ducks!"
His friend calmly says to him, "Do you really think I asked for a 12 inch Bic?"
I've signed up for a couple affiliate programs recently. The new bar down the left shows a couple I'm highlighting this week.
One of the sites, Beverage Bistro, got me thinking. Their slogan is "Delivering Gourmet Necessities". Specifically, they deliver beer, coffee, and wine. Which of those are truly necessities? Which could you live without? Well, we will find out in SunFyre mini poll #3.
Another site I started an affiliate relationship with is International Jock. They sell fashion underwear for men. I felt a little embarrassed about cruising around a site full of nearly naked men. But, then I saw it, the rubber thong. I must have it. Please send an email to KAT and ask her to buy them for me. She won't regret it!
We went to the mall today. KAT had to get a dress for our trip next week and a birthday card for her mother. If you ever want to experience an exercise in futility, take two 14-month-olds into Hallmark. Therefore, I waited outside the store with the Twins. We ate Goldfish.
I noticed A. Grace was staring at something. The toy was across the hall, and something in the window definitely had her attention. We moved closer and her gaze never waivered. She saw something she liked. Around that time, KAT came out of her store. I said, "A. Grace has picked out her first toy." We went inside and I handed her a giant Incredible Hulk doll. It was green and fuzzy with black fuzzy hair. She absolutely went berzerk.
KAT wasn't happy at all. Her little girl should like doll-babies and teddy bears. We went to the doll aisle to see if something else triggered an emotion. No success. She loved her Hulk.
There is finally some good news being reported.
Masturbating Lowers Prostate Cancer Risk
So, to all the women who've posed in Playboy, and stated in their personal interview that they are attending medical school, and hope to cure cancer... congratulations, you may have succeeded. To all the centerfolds who didn't have such career aspirations, we thank you anyhow.
I visited a site called Rubber Faces. They provide perfectly normal head shots of the stars, and a little Java applet that lets you stretch, poke and squeeze the head. Here's a few I created. (The one of Russell Crowe is from their site.)
<---Shaquille Shaqenstein --->
<---Russell Crowe after Gladiator Russell Crowe after Gladiator VII --->
<--- Eminem, Cocky White Rapper What he'd look like if he wasn't a rapper, just a cocky white a$$hole --->
<--- Bill Gates Bill-ze-bub --->
I actually made about a dozen. I'll add more throughout the month.
This evening, Sun Jr. taught me something new. He and his sister are both sick, and not eating very well. We've been trying to encourage them to eat by offering food they like. Tonight's special was Tater Tots. He still wasn't eating.
I remembered recently reading that around 14-18 months, kids enjoy dipping. So, I squirted some Heinz Ketchup on his tray, and showed him how to dip. He looked at me puzzled and said (in baby language of course) "Father, that's very interesting, however quite ineffective. Your method simply coats one end of the tot far too heavily, while leaving the opposite end completely barren of condiment."
"Why, son, you are correct." I replied. "Do you have a suggestion?"
"Allow me to demonstrate, Father." He said, still in his own language.
Then he promptly smeared the Ketchup, creating a thin coating all over his tray, hands, face, bib and several articles of clothing. Then, the genius appeared to me. He carefully picked up a naked, and tasteless Tater and by simply using his Ketchup coated hand, transferred it to his mouth. The formerly uninteresting Tot, now had the perfect amount of Ketchup completely surrounding the morsel.
Then, as any proper gentleman would, he offered me one of his delicious creations. I thoroughly enjoyed it.
There are no limits to this new found technique. I'm looking forward to our next trip to the all-you-can-eat buffet, complete with baked potato bar. I plan to dip both hands directly into the tub of sour cream, then gently caress a baked potato. I believe this new discovery should draw quite a bit of attention at the Country Club.
Please, go forth and spread the word. Please give Sun Jr. credit.
Proud Papa, SunFyre Sr.
I get a few hits every day from search engines, mostly from Google and Yahoo. Yesterday, I got my first hit from CompuServe. (Although it's powered by Google.) So I was thinking, how do I get more search engine traffic? I have meta tags in place, but most of my hits come from text searches of hot topics. I got a bunch after the Iranian Twins died. People wanted more information than 23 seconds on TV news I guess.
So, I decided to write a little story based on the top 20 searches performed on CompuServe yesterday.(With their rank in parentheses.) Here's my tale, complete with the #1 result from each search....
The races ended, and more highly paid athletes from MLB [9] and the WWE [10] took over the television. I turned it off.
I started thinking about my money again. How much will the IRS [11] take? Oh well, it's ok because now I can afford to fly to Las Vegas [12] and play the dollar slots! Maybe I could become famous too. Maybe I'd even get a guest slot on Big Brother 4 [13]. That would get me some instant fame. Then I could get a sexy man like Orlando Bloom [15]or Johnny Depp [16]. Then I remembered I'm not gay.
That's when my cell phone started blasting my new Britney ringtones [17], and it was a f#cking telemarketer! So I politely wished her a slow and painful death, and hung up on her. I can't wait until the new Do Not Call list [14] takes effect!
I opened a fresh pack of Yu-Gi-Oh [18] cards, and ate them. (It's ok, it's on the South Beach Diet.[19]) Then I went to see Orlando and Johnny (I'm really not gay) in Pirates of the Caribbean.[20]
Search, and ye shall find... SunFyre, hopefully.
Here's a sample of the new links I've added. I took the links from the old links page and transferred them and added these new ones. If you have a good link, or a site of your own, please send it to me.
Baby Ink Tattoo - This chain of tattoo houses will ink anyone, however they specialize in children. They will put real permanent tattoos on children as young as 8 months old.
IWaNGF - I Want a New Girlfriend began quite a while ago as a weblog. This guy would go off about his life, then stick the current naked female pictures he was using for girlfriend replacement. Now the site is virtually 100% Porn, and is pushing a for profit site called inthevip.com.
New State Mottos - Have you ever noticed that most state mottos are stupid? Well, we have obtained the new unofficial mottos for every state. Remember, SunFyre is an equal opportunity offender.
Well, I'm off to bed. More construction in the morning on the links page.
Take the poll!
Goodnight, SunFyre
Eventually, she cheated on me as she'd done with me, and I should have expected that. We broke up, which dramatically reduced the amount of sex we had, but didn't end it completely.
I was young and inexperienced. She wasn't. I just started thinking that is probably pretty common. So, this week's featured poll asks, not how old were you, but how old were they, comparatively.
"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds." Albert Einstein
- There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001)
What if the hokey-pokey really IS what it's all about?
- Educate your children to self-control, to the habit of holding passion and prejudice and evil tendencies subject to an upright and reasoning will, and you have done much to abolish misery from their future and crimes from society.
- Benjamin Franklin
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
- Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
- Dr. Seuss
"We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?" My wife and I have a perfect understanding... I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine Courage is not limited to the battlefield or the Indianapolis 500 or bravely catching a thief in your house. The real tests of courage are much quieter. They are the inner tests, like remaining faithful when nobody's looking, like enduring pain when the room is empty, like standing alone when you're misunderstood.
- Few people think more than two or three times a year; I have made an international reputation for myself by thinking once or twice a week.
- George Bernard Shaw
Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement "There are 10 types of people in this world. Those who understand binary, and those who don't." Does Anal Retentive have a hyphen??
- An executive is a person who always decides; sometimes he decides correctly, but he always decides.
- John H. Patterson
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
Conjoined Iranian Twins Die After Surgery
Jul 8, 7:52 AM (ET)
By D'ARCY DORAN
SINGAPORE (AP) - Laleh and Ladan Bijani, 29-year-old conjoined twins from Iran, died Tuesday shortly after neurosurgeons separated them in the third day of surgery.
In their homeland, people cried out in shock or wept as Iranian state television broke into normal programming to announce their deaths on the operating table in Singapore.
"Is my beloved Ladan really not with us anymore?," Zari Bijani, an elder sister of the twins, said after Ladan's death was reported. Seconds later, she fainted.
The Singapore hospital announced Ladan's death first, then, a few hours later, a nurse involved in the surgery said her sister Laleh had died.
"Everyone upstairs is crying," said the nurse, speaking on condition of anonymity. "We treated them like family because they had been here for seven months."
Earlier, doctors said Ladan died after they were unable to stabilize her condition.
"As the separation was coming to a close, a lot of blood was lost. The twins were subsequently in a critical state," said Raffles hospital spokesman Dr. Prem Kumar.
The risky, marathon separation procedure began about 10 p.m. EDT Saturday. Before the operation, doctors warned that the surgery could kill one or both of the twins, or leave them brain-dead.
It was the first time surgeons tried to separate adult craniopagus twins - siblings born joined at the head. The surgery has been performed successfully since 1952 on infants, whose brains can more easily recover.
The brains of Ladan and Laleh Bijani were separate, but were nonetheless stuck together after years of lying alongside each other.
Kumar had warned that controlling the bleeding and moving the twins from a seated position onto separate beds would be the biggest challenge, and that the condition of either twin would remain largely unknown until they wake up after surgery. The twins were seated during the operation.
As one of the final points of the separation procedure, surgeons cut a finger-thick shared vein from Ladan - leaving her to rely on a similar sized vein taken from her right thigh that was grafter to her brain.
Rerouting the finger-thick shared vein, which drained blood to their hearts, was considered one of the biggest obstacles in the surgery. German doctors told the twins in 1996 that shared vein made surgery too dangerous.
The team of doctors had to contend with unstable pressure levels inside the twins' brains just before they worked to uncouple the sisters' brains and cut through the last bit of skull joining them, Kumar said.
The sisters' brains had "to be teased apart very slowly," Kumar said. "Cut. Teased apart. Cut. Teased apart. In the process, you encounter a lot of blood vessels and other tissues."
He said surgeon worked "millimeter by millimeter."
Dr. Marc Mayberg, chairman of neurosurgery at the Cleveland Clinic in Ohio, had said by telephone the pressure fluctuations could be fatal.
Although the sisters knew the operation could kill one or both of them, they decided to face those dangers after a lifetime of living conjoined and compromising on everything from when to wake up to what career to pursue.
"If God wants us to live the rest of our lives as two separate, independent individuals, we will," Ladan said before the operation.
An international team of 28 doctors and about 100 medical assistants were enlisted for the surgery. The Iranian government said Monday it would pay the nearly $300,000 cost of the operation and care for the twins.
Participating neurosurgeon Dr. Benjamin Carson, director of pediatric neurosurgery at Johns Hopkins Children's Center in Baltimore, has separated three sets of craniopagus twins.
Because this operation is a medical first, surgeons have encountered unexpected obstacles not seen in infants. It took longer to cut through portions of their skulls because their older bones were denser than previously believed, Kumar said.
As the procedure dragged on, surgeons tried to get adequate rest, slipping out of the operating room for breaks when their expertise was not needed, Kumar said.
Classical music played softly as surgeons worked simultaneously in tight spaces in front of and behind the twins, who sat in a custom-built brace connected to an array of lines feeding them intravenously and monitoring their vital signs, Kumar said.
The sisters were born into a poor family of 11 children in Firouzabad, southern Iran, but grew up in Tehran under doctors' care.
Second, the cell phone was hilarious. It has four buttons that each play a different ring tone, followed by an Asian woman's voice saying "Information, may I help you?"
The beeper was great too, for about 60 seconds. You press one of three rubber buttons and it made different beeper sounds, very loud beeper sounds. A. Grace learned quickly that if you bite the buttons, they pop through the case. Apparently, she got a little baby drool inside the thing, because it started going off! It wouldn't stop. We tried to remove the batteries, but the lid was screwed down. We shook it, then smacked it. Finally, we hit it with a hammer. It broke, but was still going off, only this time with a deep groaning sound! We wrapped it in a towel and pounded it until the sounds ended, then hit it once more.
We documented the destruction.
The next morning we found this little plastic piece in A. Grace's diaper. Apparently when she'd popped the buttons out, she swallowed a tiny piece. That piece apparently is important to make the little f#cker stop beeping.
She got home from work and promptly popped an Imitrex, her migraine medicine. She said her headache should be gone by dinner. When she didn't order a Margarita after dinner, I knew it wasn't gone.
We needed a couple things, so decided to run a few errands without the children. We went to this discount lots store. Normally I stay away from those places. I always find terrific junk on sale, then I'm disappointed later. I actually only bought a couple toys for the kids. Sun Jr. always grabs at our cellular phone whenever it rings. I got him a little toy cell phone and beeper set. I also got him a "my first remote control" car. One of those that goes forward when you press a button, and backs up in a circle when you press the button again.
I was going to get a Clifford stuffed animal for A. Grace, but KAT said she has too many already.
We got home around nine and KAT fell asleep reading, and I played Star Wars Galaxies until midnight. I was up a little later than normal, because I knew I could sleep 1/2 hour later in the morning since the babies were away. We set the alarm for 6:45 rather than 6:15.
Babies have a funny way of influencing your daily life, even when they aren't around. At 6:45 the alarm went off, KAT hurried to help me get dressed, and I was in the office within 20 minutes. She went to jump in the shower, when we looked at the clock simultaneously. My office clock said 6:05! We checked the bedroom clock and it said 7:05. That's when KAT remembered Sun Jr. had been messing with the clock yesterday morning. We'd actually gotten up at 5:45.
I'm actually pretty awake on 5 1/2 hours.
I had a very G-rated weekend. KAT and I celebrated our sixth wedding anniversary on the 28th. A wild and crazy time we had! The night before we stayed up 'til midnight putting little stickers that said 25 cents on a few dozen items. A few dozen more got 50 cent stickers. Then we went to bed.
We wanted to get as much celebrating in as possible so we got up at 5:30 a.m., an hour before the Twins would normally get up. We then carried four card tables into the yard and put up signs that said "Yard Sale". We hadn't even gotten everything outside when the vultures descended. They come with rolls of quarters and wads of one dollar bills, because they know the good stuff goes early, before sellers can make change. By 11:00 a.m. it was over. Our carcasses had been picked clean and we had $190 in our pockets.
We celebrated our new found wealth at the fair. Our little township was celebrating its 100th anniversary. And I thought we were doing well after six years.
The carnival kind of sucked. There were about 6 booths to buy $3.00 slices of pizza, $6.00 sausage sandwiches and corn dogs, 2 for $5. I had the two for five. They had three or four "spin-n-pukes" that neither the babies nor I could ride, and KAT wouldn't be caught dead on. And let's not forget the games that are nearly impossible to win, except for the ping-pong ball to win a goldfish. It costs $1.00 to play to win a $0.20 fish that will be dead by morning.
On the bright side, the band was actually really good. And the Twins got their first pony ride! It turned out to be a pretty fun night. I can't wait until the 200th anniversary!
We came home and watched Monsters Inc. It was the second rated-G movie for the weekend. We watched Lilo and Stitch on Friday while we were writing out price tags. Both movies were pretty good. I won't go into great detail, but I'd recommend both.
Monsters Inc. was my favorite of the two. It had a unique and original story line. Monsters Inc. is the name of the utility company in the monster world. They manufacture electricity by harnessing the power of screams. The massive factory has a magic door into the closet of every child in the world. The closet doors open, the monster growls and the child screams. The scream is bottled and monster world has a little more power. Pixar does it again with original stories and incredible animation. John Goodman stars with Billy Crystal, and they are hilarious.
Lilo and Stitch was really great too. Stitch is a bad-to-the-bone alien who gets banished from his home world and lands in Hawaii. Lilo is a bad-to-the-bone little girl who's sister is trying to keep the family together after their parents are gone. They imply in the movie that the parents are dead, but never actually say so. Ving Rhames is a big black social worker with Men in Black sunglasses and gold earrings. The bad little girl and bad little alien help each other out and try to live happily ever after, listening to Elvis. That's when everything goes wrong.
I wish I could say we had a G-rated weekend for the kids' sake, but the kids were in bed before we started either movie. I'd borrowed the DVDs from my sister. The fact they were free helped me watch them, but I should have rented them long ago. Monsters Inc. should have been on my see in the theaters list.
Happy July! I'll be updating slowly for the next few days. I have another construction project on the links page. I think you'll find it useful. I'm also about to archive the June log, so this page will load faster. It took me 25 seconds yesterday on DSL. I'd hate to see it on dial-up.
