SunFyre Sept. Oct. 2003 Archive

My two cents... It's just a matter of time now until some guy buys a bunch of wood-look boxes, rubber mallets and wooden tent stakes and sells kits on eBay for $89.95.

If you'd like to see a close-up of the kit, click here or click the photo above.

October 30, 2003... 10:27 p.m.... Chubby Hubby

I saw this funny little game on Ben & Jerry's website. You whack-a-ghoul or 99. The game got stupid after sixty seconds, but it got me thinking about ice cream. I'm not really an ice-cream-when-it's-cold-outside person, but I could go for some Peanut Butter Cup right now. Some people think I'm weird (and this is only one reason) but I love one big bite of really good ice cream.

Most people get out a big bowl, two scoops maybe three, and sit down for the evening. It's about impossible to digest without using every ounce of energy your body can gather. Have you ever heard of someone diving into a bowl, then running a marathon? Some people will tell you the feeling afterward is part of the experience. I've experienced bloating before.

I'd rather have one bite of really good ice cream. Give me something with tons of chocolate, and a bounty of flavor in every bite. None of this $1.99 per half gallon, where the #1 ingredient is artificial flavor and #2 is Poly-sorba-mono-di-glycerine-sodi-bi-carbo-carcino-crap. Don't give me any ice milk, low fat frozen yogurt, sorbet, Italian water ice or light frozen cream.

Give me Chocolate Orgasm! Actually, that's what I'd call my ice cream if I made it. Chocolate Orgasm! It would have all the markings of a sensual experience. It should stir all the senses. It should have a great texture, smooth yet firm. The aroma should tantalize before your tongue ever touches it. The taste is so incredible that you desperately want another, but are concerned about heart problems if you attempt it. You take one taste, and moan involuntarily. You can have another, but only after a brief rest. Finally, you definitely desire to share the wealth you've discovered. That's great ice cream.

We've already discussed my favorite, I love Chubby Hubby too. Kristie is a Cherry Garcia and Chocolate Fudge Brownie girl. Vote for your favorites at the right. Also, please take our other surveys.

October 24, 2003... 7:55 a.m.... Slowing Down

My two cents... I'm surprised, not that they retired the aging Concorde fleet, but that they aren't replacing it with something more modern. Everything gets faster in our world except airline travel.

My trip to New Orleans from Philadelphia included a three hour flight. It took an additional 4 hours to get to the airport, park, check luggage, pass security and board the plane. Once on the plane we sat for 45 minutes before take-off, but I won't include that because we made up half an hour in the air. After the plane landed, gathering our luggage and getting a taxi and traveling downtown should have added another 1 1/2 hours, but being in a wheelchair turned that into three hours. In the 11 hours it took to fly, I could have driven from here to North Carolina. Had I been going to Charlotte, I would have arrived at the same time, and had my car there.

Trans-Atlantic flights are obviously longer and you can't drive, so flying is an obvious choice. (Row-boats are slow and your arms get very tired.) In a world where time = money more than ever, and terrorism is costing us significant increases in time, I would thank that a product like the Concorde would still be valuable. We aren't talking a little savings, it's a huge time savings. The Concorde traveled New York to London in half the time of its nearest competitor.

I guess it all again comes down to supply and demand. How many aging Concordes are available to travel safely and how many people are willing to fork over cash for a short flight.

I'm surprised we haven't seen a smaller Supersonic plane appear. Perhaps a 20-40 seater could fill the demand for daily high-speed service to London.

Some of you are smarter about this than me, so email me and give me your impressions. I'll publish them here.

October 23, 2003... 11:07 p.m.... Old Movie Reviews

I was looking through an old website I'd created two years ago. It was mostly ugly, and completely crap. It did have a couple movie reviews, however. So since I haven't reviewed anything lately, I'll put them here exactly as they appeared before.

CHOCOLAT

Kristie and I just rented Chocolat on DVD. I'd give it about three stars, one thumb up, or whatever you prefer. I tend to rank movies into three categories... "change your life" movies, "an evening of fun" movies, and "I wish I had two hours of my life back" movies. Chocolat fits into the evening of fun category. We both enjoyed it, but it didn't live up to the Oscar hype.

I never give away endings in my reviews, but I'll tell you this. There is an inevitable conclusion so it's predictable. I wasn't necessarily disappointed because of the predictability, but I was disappointed at the speed in which it ended. Three or four stories all had predictable outcomes, but it seemed like the director said "oh geeez.... we are two hours into this picture already... we'd better wrap things up." So they knocked off one character, another returned from the missing, some people fell in love, and one guy gorged himself on chocolate. Not bad for the last ten minutes.

Besides the last 10... the rest of the minutes were wonderfully done. Lots of symbolism, fabulous photography, good acting and writing, and interesting plot inter-mingling kept us entertained.

The Cell

Here's the scoop. Jennifer Lopez, as Catherine Deane, is beautiful as always. She always surprises me. She's intelligent, talented, and did I mention beautiful. She's never had a fabulous role, I wonder what she'd do. The first great part she gets will set her apart as an Oscar contender, or just another singer who acts. She needs a great part to test her metal. This wasn't it!

Vince Vaughn, as Peter Novak, was disappointing. I like him in several movies, and am disappointed with him in others. He seems to need a well written complex role to do his best work. This definitely wasn't well written or complex. We give Vince a mediocre rating here, but with the caveat that he didn't have much to work with.

The Cell was disappointing over all. The plot has been done, the writing was practically non-existent, and the entire movie was very predictable. Unlike Chocolat, the predictability wasn't from an inevitable conclusion, just from a lack of effort. The writer, Mark Protosevich, and rookie director, Tarsern Singh, are both to blame.

On a positive note the visual effects and photography were amazing. Often when covering dark subject matter, the natural reaction of a director is to film in blues, grays, and lots of black. This was elegantly done with a combination of gold, red and some green. Whenever Jennifer was inside the mind of the psychotic patient, a surreal quality to the coloring matched the surreal images. At other times, she entered the mind of a child, and it was light. The photography almost created characters.

Speaking of psychotic... Vincent D'Onofrio is pretty good in the role of Carl Stargher, a serial killer who has slipped into a coma before mentioning to the FBI the location of his, not yet dead, most recent victim. Thank goodness Vincent wasn't given many lines to muddy his character. He was able to act rather than babble the crap that the other stars muddled through.

If you absolutely love the REM video "Losing My Religion", then you may want to sit through this. It's done by the same director, with similar visual style. If you only like the video, then watch MTV for 8 or 10 hours and maybe you'll see it. That would be less painful.

UNBREAKABLE

M. Knight Shyamalan does it again! Kristie and I rented Unbreakable and we assumed that we wouldn't get caught the way we did with The Sixth Sense. But he got us.

If you enjoyed The Sixth Sense you'll love this movie too. Shyamalan again is brilliant as a writer and director. He possesses a rare talent of writing original plot lines and great dialogue. The characters are well developed and believable.

My favorite character is, Elijah Price, a disabled man played by Samuel L. Jackson. He has Osteogenesis Imperfecta, a.k.a. "brittle bones disease" and is about as breakable as people come. He's decided that if he's virtually made of glass, there must be another freak of nature that is virtually unbreakable. He's followed every major disaster in the Philadelphia area for decades, then finally he hears of a train derailment which kills 131 people leaving only one survivor without a scratch.

Bruce Willis plays David Dunne, a reluctant hero. He's a security guard and was that sole survivor. He's contacted by Elijah who proceeds to compare David to a comic book super hero. At first David dismisses Elijah as a con man or crazy, or a little of each. As time goes on, however, he realizes that his only injuries, save one, in his life have been fabricated. He realizes that he's never been sick, injured, or in any true danger since a near drowning accident as a child.

Gradually, David comes to understand his unique powers and ultimately his destiny. One of the most touching scenes is when he confides in his 12 year old son. His son was with him the day they met Elijah and was the first to believe.

Two other characters are common in M. Knight Shyamalan movies; the City of Philadelphia and the color Red. I was in Philadelphia the day they filmed the outdoor sequence in The Sixth Sense and I remember being upset because, between film crews and a protest outside Planned Parenthood, it was about impossible to get through center city. At that time, no one could have predicted the phenomenal success of his first movie. Now, he has Hollywood clout. He uses it to bring movies to Philadelphia. I loved watching and trying to figure out the locations. Maybe someone can tell me if the stadium David works at is Villanova, Penn, or Temple University.

The color red was a subtle symbol in The Sixth Sense but is much more significant in Unbreakable. David sees evil things people have done or are about to do. Often, you can see the bad people through the crowd wearing red. The final person that David comes in conflict with is wearing a red-orange full body jumpsuit maintenance uniform. The person with the most red has done the worst evils.

This will probably make my top 100. I always love movies with strong characters with disabilities. Furthermore, it's just a terrific movie.

October 22, 2003... 12:04 a.m.... Battle of the Sexes

I got to thinking about my kids. They will be 18 months old on November 2nd and I'm already seeing subtle differences in the way they view themselves. Our son rarely cries when he gets hurt. He's already learned that boys must be tough. Our daughter loves to brush her curls, and loves when we say "so pretty". He has a stuffed dog, and she has a baby doll. We didn't assign them toys, but they seemed to the naturally drawn to them. They both love to play with small cars, so maybe there is hope for a race car driver among them.

Long story short, I created a survey to gather perceptions about the perceived skills, tasks, careers and hobbies for men and women.

Ok, the politically correct SunFyre says, anyone can do anything they want, gender is irrelevant. Now, the honest SunFyre says, there are still gender roles, gender barriers, and gender perceptions. Ignoring them completely would be politically correct, but reality incorrect.

I also theorize that women, equally to men help maintain these gender perception differences.

We will look at anything from traditionally gender weighted careers, to household responsibilities. We will look at work, at play, and in the bedroom. We will even look at who makes the best criminals.

Please take the survey by clicking here. All responses are completely private and confidential. Heck, you might even have fun!

October 20, 2003... 10:50 p.m.... Wild Weekend

The children were away, and I had a wild weekend! First, I went pheasant hunting, and bagged me a bunch of pheasants and a few chickens. After that I went out drinking, but got depressed when I calculated the alcohol I've consumed in my life. I ran into a Playboy Bunny, and we played strip poker. I won. Then I stopped to see Carmen Electra, and she showed me how to do aerobic striptease. By this time I was pretty drunk. I ran into Lars Ulrich from Metallica. I bitch-slapped him until he bled. Then I went home and explored the differences between male and female orgasms. My work here was done.

Friday, my mom picked up Jason and Ainsley. They had been very fussy all day, and frankly so had I. Kristie and I had been planning to have a "date" but decided we both needed quiet time. I played and she read.

Saturday I was supposed to go to that wedding in the Poconos. I bailed. It was around 56 degrees at our house, 100 miles south and several thousand feet closer to sea level. I figured it was going to be cold. I'd just been recovering from a nasty cold and didn't want to beat myself up again. Kristie wasn't happy at all. She didn't want to go alone, but she did. A couple of friends came over and we played cards.

Kristie came home early and was still shivering. Apparently, not only was the ceremony outdoors, but her table at the reception was right next to the door. She froze all night.

The third weekend in October is a pretty risky time to have an outdoor wedding. It was sunny, but extremely chilly. The bride didn't realize the facility didn't have a contingency plan until about a week before the wedding.

I'm picturing the sales representative from the lodge saying "Well, this room is available, but look at the view outdoors." Then after the booking, saying "Woohoo, Double Commission Day in October!" You know he/she booked the indoor room too. Kristie said the room across the hall had an evening wedding. That room probably heard the reception band from the first group throughout their wedding ceremony.

People pay huge dollars to rent these lodges and country clubs, then they are treated like commodities. Kristie and I got married in a church, and held the reception downstairs. We donated $100 to the church and tipped the Sexton another $100. And it was perfect. We had the church for three days before to set up, and no competition for catering, parking, or with another reception band.

Even the food was marginal. Kristie had prime rib that was far from prime, and baked potato with broccoli. You figure that between the two weddings, that chef mass produced about 600 steaks. It's going to be crap, and he/she doesn't care because their job isn't at stake.

Next time, hire a outside caterer. Every job they get depends on the last meal they serve. If they serve rubber chicken or not-so-prime rib, 300 people go home complaining. If they serve a masterful meal, 300 people go home with their business card in their pocket.

Sunday was wedding number two. My administrative assistant, Michele, married her "boyfriend" Bill. I always thought it was funny watching them, like teenagers playing house. Bill is 61, and had never been married. He's considerably older, but a kid at heart. I guess he decided to settle down now that he's an adult.

Their wedding was small. I think Kristie and I were the youngest there, lots of white heads. This wedding was held at the local Young Republican Club. If everyone there was members, they need to change the name, but I'll be an old Republican someday too.

It wasn't the huge blow-out affair of Saturday, and probably didn't break the bank, but it was elegant, simple, meaningful and the food was awesome! The ceremony itself was held in one end of the dining room. I felt like I was at dinner theater, but it made the atmosphere even more comfortable. No pews or folding chairs.

The table favor was simple. Little brown gift bags with fall leaves. Inside were Iris bulbs, and a note encouraging people to renew their own relationships, and plant the bulbs as a symbol of that renewal. Elegant in comparison to Saturday, a bottle of cheap wine with custom printed labels saying "Kristen loves Bubba" or whatever his name was.

Our table was small, for four originally. The other couple was a no-show, so we sat alone. Kristie said "I'll have to thank Michele for the quiet dinner for two."

October 17, 2003... 1:42 p.m.... Shouldn't I Be Working?!

Yes, absolutely, but I've given up for today. I have an office in my home. It gives me tremendous flexibility to work when I want and loaf when I want.

Here's the problem with flexibility. It's so damned easy to be flexible. Flexibility often turns into procrastination. When you are an entrepreneur, procrastination = unemployed!

Every morning I get up at 6:15 a.m. and am in my office by 8:00 at the latest, usually 7:15. I often stay up late (midnight or 1:00) but always get up early to promote my own self discipline (which I lack at times).

This morning was no different... except... my kids were have been up several times each night for about a week. We aren't sure why, they just aren't sleeping well. Last night was the worst, Ainsley woke at 11:00 p.m., just as I was getting in bed. Jason woke at 11:30, and woke her up again. Every time one would fall asleep, the other would wake. This continued every thirty minutes like a Cuckoo clock until about 3 a.m.

Thank goodness they are visiting grandma this weekend. I wish I could say that Kristie and I were planning to order out, not get dressed, and have wild sex all weekend... but I can't. We have two weddings, one out of town. (An outdoor wedding in the Pocono Mountains in October! Fire the wedding planner!)

Anyhow... now I'm dragging. The kids are down for their "morning" nap because they slept until 9:30 this morning. They were in a pretty good mood considering. I think I'm going to bed as soon as Kristie gets home.

Last night, when they were still my beautiful little angels, I made this and this on this website. If you look carefully, thier names are embedded in the images. It's kind of cool, but takes a little figuring. You have to use pictures with lots of contrast, and use relatively small images. I used a high resolution photo and it was still processing after 10 minutes. Also, I had trouble cutting and pasting into FrontPage 2000. I really should upgrade FrontPage or switch to Dreamweaver, but as I mentioned yesterday, I'm cheap.

Well, the babies are awake. I'm going to feed them lunch now. Dad's in charge... cold pizza!

October 16, 2003... 7:42 a.m.... Are you ready for some Football?

If you are anything like me, cheap, you always bought the Madden Football Series for PC a year or two after it first comes out. We browse the $9.99 rack and say, "last Christmas this was 40 bucks!"

The last Madden I bought was 2000. I got it last year for $12 including tax and gas to the mall.

So, why did I fork out $34.99 on Amazon for 2004? Good question. I've never done it before. One answer: Franchise Mode. The new Madden game is the first in the series to have a franchise mode where you can be Jerry Jones or any other owner. I've tried several other no-name football franchise games, and every one was lousy. I hoped that Madden would have at least put a little thought into it.

My expectations were relatively low considering this is the first year of franchise mode. I was blown away. It's an excellent game all the way around.

You can start with any existing NFL team, or you can start with a fantasy draft. I prefer the draft method, it really gives you the opportunity to create a team suited to your coaching style. My first season I used the Dallas Cowboys, but I prefer a strong running game. I drafted Larry Allen, Ahman Green, and Lorenzo Neil. I had a great run blocking team started. By this time the top quarterbacks were gone so I drafted Tom Brady, who turned out to be a good pick. A few more receivers, blockers then Tony Gonzalez was still available, so I took him. It was round 12 and my only defensive player was a strong safety. I started filling in defense starters, but the other 31 teams had already depleted the best players. I should have been more balanced.

Next was pre-season mode. I lost three out of four games, and got destroyed by offenses in the secondary. The computer realized they were beating my corners, and scored about 35 points per game with the long pass. I had plenty of room under my salary cap, so I traded draft picks for two strong cornerbacks. I also noticed that several players had improved their skills during pre-season.

My first season ended 11-5 and I made the conference championship game. I lost to Chicago.

The real focus of franchise mode is the off-season. I'm excited to start my next season. I figured my guys would improve, and I'd be destined for Superbowl greatness. Then, I got notice that my offensive and defensive coordinators both got head coaching jobs. I hired new coaches from other teams. The next phase is called retirement. Twelve of my players retired, including seven starters. My great blocking line was destroyed. Furthermore, I had traded my draft picks, so I couldn't rely on the draft. I drafted four from college, who all turned out to be a bust.

To make a long story short, I went 5-11 next season and attendance was way down because the fan expectation was way up. In franchise mode, you focus on attendance and revenue.

Season three was better. The draft helped. I lowered prices on nachos and those big foam fingers. That helped attendance. We made the wildcard game and lost.

As far as pure football goes, it's still one of the best, probably the single best on PC. Madden 2004 is also available on PS2 and XBox. If you think franchise mode sounds like fun, buy 2004. If you just like football games, get 2003, it's probably in the $9.99 rack.

October 14, 2003... 7:46 p.m.... Reader writes

Then MoonStar proceeded to attach 28 items! Most were funny pictures or cartoons, many of which I've seen about 20 times before.

Don't get me wrong, I love getting emails, especially from women with astronomical code names! But 28 attachments borders on excessive.

Furthermore, my stuff is for "grown-ups", but Arriana, don't you work with grown-ups? If your afraid of getting caught, email SunFyre anonymously to your supervisor. Eventually he/she will be laughing along with you, and spreading the joy throughout the office!

I'm not going to post all 28, but two or three of them will make the cut. Here's the first one.

What's funnier that this license plate on a sexy black BMW convertible?? This is.

Wouldn't it be great if we had a little more romance in our lives, it only costs $1.00!

MoonStar didn't send me these, but I figured I owed you after the last one. This quiz is called simply Boobies or Butt? It's for "grown-ups" so please be careful at work. Lastly, Nice Tits!

October 13, 2003... 8:21 a.m.... Happy Columbus Day

So there was this guy, an Italian guy who liked to float around in boats. So he thought, rather than actually go anywhere and get a job driving boats, maybe I could get someone to give me a couple boats, maybe three. Then we'd just sail along until we hit something. So he went to the King or President of Italy and said "hey" and the King or President said "get out." So he did.

Then the Italian said, "I'm good with the ladies. Maybe I should talk a chick into giving me a couple of boats, maybe three. So he went to a Sugar Mama named Isabella, and said "hey". And she said "hey, yourself".

But she wanted more than just sailing. She heard about cool stuff from India, and said "gotta git me sum of dat" (in a Spanish accent of course). So this dude named Columbus, after a small town in Ohio, said "I'll get you some of that, baby." And he hopped on Nina, Pinta, and Santa Maria, then he got on some ships and named them after his girlfriends.

So he set sail for India. But like most great entrepreneurs, he became one because he sucked at having a real job. You see, India was East, and he went West. Then he crashed into America, populated by natives and a few left over Norsemen. And he said "Indians!" Then he had sex with a bunch of them, and went home.

Now 500 years later, we know that Columbus discovered nothing except maybe a couple Caribbean Islands, but we still honor him with a "Day". His way with women eventually killed him (syphilis). Today several cities, counties and hundreds of department store sales bear his name. Some people get off work, but mostly those who work for slacker companies anyhow. Nobody has big Columbus Day family parties except a few Italians and Canadians (it's Thanksgiving in Canada). The Italians seem to forget that their King (or President) gave him the boot.

Is it a bad thing? Not really. I'm sitting at my desk and the phone hasn't rung all morning. Why? Because most of my customers are slacker companies.

October 12, 2003... 11:10 p.m.... No Longer Romantic

I've gotten several emails from people asking how my sister fared through Hurricane Isabel. I got this email from her 11 days after the hurricane.

Several other readers submitted photos, including a North Carolina Department of Transportation helicopter pilot assessing damage. He took these photos of North Carolina where route 12 was completely washed out. Seeing it, I can't believe they could rebuild it but I suppose they must.

October 11, 2003... 11:40 p.m.... minor update

I updated the reviews page and finally indexed the archives from July and August. I've been going full speed with work lately, and have been quite the slacker when it comes to SunFyre. I'm finally caught up and should be able to restore a little more balance in my life. Hopefully that balance will include more updates here. I also moved the navigation line from the bottom to the little box on the right. I don't know about other people, but I was getting annoyed by scrolling.

October 10, 2003... Noon-ish... Oddly Enough

My two cents... it sounds uncivilized to most of us to beat someone to death just because they are accused of stealing a penis with sorcery. But in America, Lorena Bobbitt did it with a steak knife and is allowed to go free, and even considered a hero by some. Which is less civilized?

October 6, 2003... 7:15 p.m.... please pass the Ibuprofen

My knee is throbbing. I had a little accident today. It scared me half to death.

My little boy, Jason, has been playing with the joystick on my wheelchair for the past couple days. He grabbed it once by accident and the knob came off in his hand. When I got on the airplane to New Orleans, the joystick was fine. When I got off it was broken. It still works, but the little knob comes off.

Anyhow, I've been gradually raising my voice to him. In my house we don't shout very often, and never slap or spank. It's not that I'm morally opposed to beating your children (I am, but that's not my reason) it's that I can't spank. I can't physically grab my kid to hug them, so I certainly can't beat them.

He'd been playing with it all day. As I increasingly got loud, he'd stop, but he'd be back an hour later. Short term memory is extremely short at 17 months old.

Lately the kids have been standing or sitting on my leg rests. Sometimes when they are particularly calm I give them little rides around the house. I keep the chair turned off whenever the kids are around, but when they are mellow, it's perfectly safe.

At lunch time I leave my office and spend a couple hours with the kids. As soon as I rolled into the kitchen, Jason Andrew climbed up on my leg rests to get a hug. Then he sat down to get a ride. I started across the kitchen when he suddenly reached up and grabbed my joystick, pulling it toward him. I instantly was going top speed and we both slammed into our large dining room table. The entire table, and six chairs slammed into the far wall. I ended up with the table crushing both knees and Jason Andrew was under the table. Our nanny, Joy, rushed over and picked him up. He had a scrape on the back of his head, but was relatively uninjured.

Honestly, I thought I'd killed him. I was completely freaked out. After I checked him out and then checked on Ainsley, I began to feel the pain. I'd say "I'll probably never walk on it again" but that would be a stupid disabled-guy joke, so I won't say it. I decided not to go to get x-rays, but I'm debating on it now. One knee hit softly, but the other hit hard.

Most people don't know how powerful wheelchairs can be. My wheelchair goes about 7 mph. That doesn't seem like much to most, but it's a pretty brisk jog.

Some time if you are feeling adventurous, go out on the street, close your eyes tight, and just start running. Try it in a parking lot, so the first thing you hit will be a building or parked car. In your yard you're likely to trip, and that wouldn't be as convincing. Anyhow run into something big. At 6-7 miles per hour, it will knock the wind out of you. Chances are you'll have at least one bruise, or sprain, or if you're lucky you'll get a small fracture.

You're still not completely convinced, I can tell. Well, let's add some physics. My wheelchair, with me in it, weighs 526 pounds. The wheelchair is made of steel, rubber and vinyl. So let's try the experiment again. This time invite two linemen from the Dallas Cowboys to run behind you. Immediately after you hit the building or SUV, 500 pounds of Cowboy will slam into you. Granted Cowboys aren't made of steel, so you'll get off easy.

September 28, 2003... 5:50 p.m.... Classic Children's Literature

Having small children, I'm so excited that they are already showing a passion for reading. We are always reading terrific books like Goodnight Moon, One Fish Two Fish, Goodnight Gorilla, and other classics.

You have to be careful, however. Not all children's books are classics. Some contain messages that may not exactly fit your value system. Here's a few books we decided against.

Children's Books That Didn't Make the Cut

1. You Are Different and That's Bad
2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
3. Dad's New Wife Robert
4. Fun four-letter Words to Know and Share
5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
6. The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
7. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
8. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
9. All Cats Go to Hell
10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
11. Some Kittens Can Fly
12. That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption
13. Grandpa Gets a Casket
14. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
15. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
16. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
17. Strangers Have the Best Candy
18. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way
19. You Were an Accident
20. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
21. Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games
22. The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan
23. Your Nightmares Are Real
24. Where Would You Like to Be Buried?
25. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
26. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
27. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
28. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry

Thanks to Mandy for sending me these.

September 27, 2003... 11:17 p.m.... "Skinny People Should Be More Sensitive"

I saw a woman today I haven't seen since March of 2001. I remember the date pretty precisely, not because I liked the woman, or have thought about her much since then. I remember the date because she annoyed the crap out of me at my wife's baby shower.

Two Marches ago the "girls from work" had a baby shower for my wife. They had been planning it for about a week when my wife's doctor told her to stay home from work the last three months. So the office baby shower turned into the kitchen baby shower, in my kitchen.

The "girls" brought a mountain of diapers and a new face. I'd met most of them at the Christmas Party, but Stephanie was hired in March. Actually, Kristie hadn't met her more than five minutes. Stephanie's first day was Kristie's last day. She was somewhat of a shower crasher, but she brought diapers, so we let her in.

I've never met anyone who carried around a cloud of negatively like Stephanie. She's overweight and unkempt. Her appearance wasn't the negative part, just a symptom of the cloud.

At one point two of the "girls", Heather and Kim, were standing in the corner complaining that the health club they both attended was reducing its hours and was interfering with their workout schedule. Then they went off on a tangent about how they loved using the stair-climbers or something off. They were both physically fit and very attractive. They laughed and joked about calf pain and sweat and how horrible it was, but they kept coming back for more.

Most of the remaining women were half listening to the conversation and joking about how these young beautiful women with no husbands, mortgages, or children had plenty of time for exercise.

Then Ms. Negatively speaks up, purposely loud enough for the exercise team to hear, and says something like "They are so rude to be complaining in a room full of overweight and pregnant women." Heather and Kim quietly changed their subject. Everyone else looked at each other. Most of them were 30s and '40s women with figures resembling pears. They had all probably been in better shape before, but none were grossly overweight. Suddenly they felt fat.

Stephanie had no idea her cloud had just sprung a leak. She went on to get another plate of Swedish Meatballs.

I was mad. I had been listening in on the conversation between Heather and Kim also. Between the lines it was clear they both absolutely loved working out. Talking enthusiastically about their exercise wasn't rude. Most of the women could have absorbed some of that enthusiasm, and maybe been motivated to search for time of between husbands and children and career to add a little exercise. Or maybe they simply would become more comfortable with their lives believing that their time was better spent with family than on a tread mill. Either way, fine.

The only person who could have been offended legitimately was me. After all, I sit on my a$$ in a wheelchair all day. But I wasn't offended. I enjoyed listening to their enthusiasm for exercise, and I certainly enjoyed admiring the results!

Stephanie just hadn't made a shocking comment in over 12 minutes, and figured she was overdue.

I'm a smart guy. I've never toned down my intellect for anyone. I believe if anyone has talent or ability, or simply perseverance, they should never be afraid to demonstrate that to anyone. Those women had the ability to stay healthy, healthier than most. They should have been inspiring to others, instead they were dismissed as anomalies.

I bumped into Stephanie again today, almost literally. She was hard to miss. She was up to 260 lbs. (She informed us of her exact weight during the conversation.)

My wife's company was having their summer festival. They invite back all the families they've helped over the years for a reunion. (She's a social worker.) I was sitting with Kim listening to her tell about completing a half-marathon. Thirteen miles of pain, and one tremendous feeling of accomplishment. When Stephanie sat down, Kim changed the subject. She had several people enthralled. Now over 18 months after Stephanie's little comment, Kim was embarrassed to be talking about health and exercise and achievement.

Stephanie begins to tell us that she was planning gastric bypass surgery. Two of her friends had it and lost over 100 lbs each. She gave us the standard laundry list of reasons she's fat, then went off about her excitement about changing her life. Granted, one off her friends spent a month in the hospital recovering from surgical complications, and the other friend has lost so much weight she looks unhealthy. But she talked about these risks like it was a heroic adventure she was undertaking. She's Indiana Jones of vanity surgery.

Reality, she's probably subconsciously hoping for complications to make her tragedy more telling.

Here's the reality of gastric bypass surgery. They re-route a large section of your stomach, creating a pouch that fills very quickly. You are forced to eat less. Typical people must eat five or six meals a day, some of them no larger than a couple slices of bread. You can't drink more than a certain amount, or it fills the pouch into the esophagus, causing a gag reflex and vomiting.

You lose weight simply because it's impossible to eat enough calories to sustain your mass. You eat less and your huge mass (because this surgery is only done on massively overweight people) burns lots of calories as you move in normal fashion. Technically you can eat whatever you want, but if you over eat, you vomit, and you will become weak by not getting enough vitamins and minerals. Doctors typically recommend multi-vitamins and strict dietary habits for best results.

But, if these obese people had simply the discipline and self esteem to learn to eat right, eat less, and exercise more they would lose weight equally rapidly. Furthermore, their body would find a balance of health. When the doctors sew off your stomach, they are taking educated guesses about the quantity of food you need for sustaining life at a healthy weight. If they guess wrong you'll either balance too heavy or thin.

Now I'm sure there are a couple people who will say, "Jason is an idiot, he doesn't know anything about gastric bypass, and its benefits to overweight people."

I will admit I'm not an expert, but I'll leave you with one thought. My wife, Kristen, lost about 80 lbs in two years. One day she literally walked into my office and said "I'm going to lose weight. Can we buy a treadmill?" The determination in her voice was clear. This was a decision not a wish or dream. At that moment she knew nothing about nutrition or exercise. She simply knew she had to start.

Now she's had twins. She's about 20 lbs over her goal weight, but is prepared to work to lose them again. I know she'll do it. She weighs less at 29 years old than she did in eight grade. By starting exercise, after being heavy since childhood, she's probably extended her life by 20 years, and she has the tools, knowledge, and motivation to lose that 20 lbs and maintain her energy and health.

I'd like to hear from all these people who are running out and getting gastric bypass surgery. I'd like to know how they are doing 10, 20, and 30 years from now. Are they skinny? Are they healthy? Are they dead? Time will tell. Well, maybe they can at least make a buck by appearing on TV.

September 23, 2003... 10:42 a.m... Small Update

In site news, I made a couple minor changes today to the structure of the site. First, I added a "Send this page to a friend" button at the bottom of several pages.

I've also added a little box for a newsletter I'm starting. Sign up now. I'm not sure exactly what the newsletter will be about, but have faith.

September 22, 2003... 8:49 a.m....Who's your favorite?

I write for a sports newsletter. We started an online survey this week about your favorite NFL team. We wanted to discover why teams became favorites. It's just a fun little survey. If you want to take it, click here. I'm going to post the results on another web site, but I'll cut and paste them onto SunFyre too.

I've been a Dallas Cowboys fan since I was eight years old. I grew up in Western Pennsylvania, which is known to the locals as "Steelers Country". Steelers fans were in their heyday in the '70s. By 1978 the Steelers had won two Super Bowls, along with the Cowboys, Dolphins, and Packers. By the end of the season, it became clear that either the Cowboys or Steelers would be the first to claim three Lombardi trophies.

I'd like to say I was the ultimate rebel at 8 years old and so I picked the Cowboys, but the truth is, even at eight I enjoyed telling stories and shocking people with them. So when people asked me if I liked the Steelers, I'd proclaim, "No, I'm a Cowboys fan." Then people would inevitably say "why?!". For this I didn't have an answer. I figured I better start watching football and figure it out.

Roger and Terry were the heroes back then. They were generals in a North versus South battle. Again, not wanting to follow the crowd, I didn't cheer for Roger. A young guy named Tony Dorsett ran for 96 yards on only 16 carries in that Super Bowl. I liked him because he seemed to carry the team on his back.

The Cowboys lost that game. Tony was the leading rusher on either team. Some guy named Franco had one good run of 22 yards and a touchdown, clinching the black and gold victory. But he hadn't won me over. Steelers won 35-31.

I actually didn't even watch the game. My dad made us go to bed early that night. We were visiting my grandparents. Thank goodness he was hard of hearing, because the television was so loud downstairs I could hear every play.

For 25 years now, I've been a Dallas Cowboys fan. I cheered for Tony, then his successor Emmitt. I even wore #33 on my college football jersey.

The Steelers got another ring the next season, then faded faster than Terry Bradshaw's hair. The Cowboys came back strong in the '90s and finally got ring 3, 4 and 5. When I cheered for them, people assumed I was a bandwagon fan, but I also cheered during Troy Aikman's rookie season when they went 1-15.

September 20, 2003... 1:51 p.m.... More photos of Isabel

The death toll from Hurricane Isabel is up to 25 as of now. The damage estimate is exceeding $1 billion.

I spoke with my sister in Richmond this morning. Power is still out. She's reconsidered coming north, but seems better than yesterday. They are having chicken on the propane grill for dinner, because it started thawing in the freezer. The ice cream is melted, but they are leaving it in the box to help keep other things cold.

She's a graduate student at the University of Virginia. She's supposed to be rescheduling canceled classes, but can't connect to anyone. Her cell phone died, so she drove around for an hour last night with it in the cigarette lighter to get a little charge. She was going to contribute photos to SunFyre, but can't get online anywhere. Target is open, and they went shopping last night, but everything they were looking for was sold out. They wanted batteries, a radio, and more bottled water. They were able to gets big bags of ice. The are melting it for drinking water.

September 19, 2003... 9:24 p.m.... Isabel

I'm in Eastern Pennsylvania. Hurricane Isabel decided to travel west of me. She had died down to a tropical storm before she crossed the Mason Dixon line. We had some heavy rain, but escaped relatively unscathed. My only problem was that Verizon, my Internet Service Provider, was a little shaky with their DSL for a few hours this morning. It put me a little behind creating my weekly newsletters.

Richmond was a different story. My sister lives in the suburbs of Richmond, VA. She's been without power since yesterday afternoon. They are hoping to have power by the weekend. Telephones are out too. Her cell phone finally died this afternoon, and she has no way to charge it. I invited her to drive up here and spend a few days, but she's afraid she left something turned on, and when the power is restored, it will start a fire and burn her house down. I thought she was a little crazy, but she probably didn't need to hear that, so I said "You're probably right. Better safe than sorry. Come North if you change your mind, I'll leave a key out for you."

As of a few minutes ago Isabel had killed 17. As far as serial killers go, that's pretty impressive. As far as hurricanes go, it's amateurville. Nine were from Virginia. One from Lancaster PA, about 30 minutes from here. Usually people drown in flash floods, but Isabel had a knack for dropping trees on people. At least three were killed from falling trees including our Lancaster neighbor.

If you have any photos you've taken personally of storm preparation, damage, or clean-up, send them to me and I'll post them in the gallery.

September 18, 2003... 11:59 p.m... A New Beginning

I got a new job in January, designing a web-centered marketing plan for a consulting firm. Actually, it's my father's firm. I've been helping him grow his business. It was supposed to be part-time on commission only. We were hoping I'd earn my first commissions by September, and perhaps next year make this my full time job. Honestly, I thought that would be a long shot.

I got my first commission bonus in May. And as of the beginning of September I closed my other business and am concentrating exclusively on the consulting firm. We've rolled out many new products, and my commissions have grown every single month. I'm making more money now than before, but it means more hours. My old job gave me free time in hour or two blocks, perfect for adding entries to SunFyre.

Well, I updated the look and feel of SunFyre. The new look, dubbed 2.0, will be a little easier to maintain, and hopefully I can squeeze in more frequent entries.

A minor change. My funding source used to be affiliate programs and advertising banners. I'm dumping them. I'll still use Amazon.com, and another site called AllPosters.com, so hopefully you'll shop there. Also, I'll have a running donation board. I'm still working out the details so start saving your pennies.

A major change. I'm going to be more honest with you, the reader. My name is Jason. I'm 33. I'm married to Kristen and have two children, Jason Andrew and Ainsley Grace. They are twins, 17 months old. I'm in a wheelchair, and have been all my life. I have a disability called Spinal Muscular Atrophy. It's a life-threatening disease, but so is driving your car or crossing a busy street, so I don't get worked up about it often.

Here's why I'm being more honest. I used to use SunFyre as my way of rattling away about things I didn't want to own. Thoughts, feelings, and opinions that I'm comfortable sharing with the anonymous public, but not necessarily with my closest friends. Then, gradually my friends began reading this page. I'd let a few read an entry before I published it, and they reacted well. Now about six or seven "real life" friends and family read this. I no longer hide this page from people who love me.

After they started reading this, I found myself editing. It was less raw. My writing improved, but my purpose suffered. This was supposed to be my hole in the world into which I'd drop my feelings and gradually cover them with dirt. SunFyre's readership improved, more and more people were stopping for a daily dose, but I wasn't enjoying it much.

Here's me. I love being a father. I like my wife, my best friend. I'm a sexual being. I enjoy watching sports particularly auto racing and football. I love watching movies, particularly ones that make me think. I love Mets baseball, but rarely get to watch. I am $40,000 in debt and perpetually think I'll be wealthy someday, some day soon. I'm a liberal Republican. I hate bigotry and racism, and consider them sinful. I'm spiritual, but not necessarily religious. I believe the world would be a better place if more people were like Jesus, but I'm not a very good example. I graduated high school at 16 and college at 20. I love to cook, and hate it when my wife hurries through a recipe and it doesn't come out as good as it should. I have a dry sense of humor, and can tell a good joke. I'm not politically correct. I want to be loved. I enjoy looking at naked women, but wouldn't consider it a career or even a hobby. I swear too much. I use correct grammar and punctuation when writing. I believe the Internet is simultaneously the world's greatest invention and its biggest virtual landfill. I collect Coca-Cola items, particularly advertising from the World War II era. I love music of all kinds, as long as its original, lyrical, and performed by artists with skill. I hate Celine Dion. I read constantly, fact not fiction. I have an IQ above 165. I write truth for money and lies for therapy. I'm not pro-choice or anti-abortion, and yes this is possible. My parents are divorced but my home was never broken. I have three adopted siblings, I call them sister, sister and brother. I hate big tobacco. I actually like Donald Trump and Bill Gates, although the latter frustrates me sometimes. I have been addicted to EverQuest, but I'm currently in a 12-step program. I believe giving credit where credit is due. I own an HP, but besides the sticker, it's not even close to the original computer. I believe in substance and style, in that order. I donate to charity but could do more. My hobby is making money. I secretly want both my children to become professional race car drivers, people think I'm joking when I say that, but I'm not. I never hiccup more than three times. I've had my sneakers since 1987, no kidding. My favorite clothing is a tuxedo, I've never had a bad day in a tuxedo. I'd love to have sex with a college gymnast. I have an office in my home. I get up every day by 6:30, 7:30 on weekends. I stay up too late. Sometimes I hate being the smartest person in the room, but I refuse to play down my intellect. I've never had therapy, answered a personal ad, ridden a roller coaster, but I think I probably should have done all three. I am afraid of death.

If you won't enjoy reading about these things, go away and don't come back. This includes my wife, my family, and my friends. I've decided I need this outlet. I'll own this little hole in the World. If you would like to dig you may find treasurer or just stuff better left buried.

One final disclaimer. Anything written here is likely of little consequence. If things are going incredibly well or absolutely terrible, I'm probably busy with those things, too busy to be writing. SunFyre is the stuff that happens in between the important stuff.

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October 31, 2003... 7:47 a.m... Happy Halloween

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