It's nearly time to help Santa. One of the joys I'm experiencing for the first time this year is helping Santa Claus. That jolly old elf infuses me with the Christmas spirit. Some people say Christmas shouldn't be commercial, it should be a solemn religious holiday, but even Jesus knew it wasn't about religion. Christmas is about children. Think back to the very first Christmas. It was about giving to children and praising children, the child in this case was Jesus. I believe God wants us to be drawn closer to him on other holidays, whether it be Easter, Passover, or whatever. But He also wants us to praise and cherish the children in our lives, and for Christians, He's given us Christmas.

Merry Christmas to you all, and to all the children in your lives.

Christmas Cookie Ingredients:

• 1 cup of water
• 1 tsp baking soda
• 1 cup of sugar
• 1 cup of brown sugar
• 2 1/2 cups flour
• 1 tsp lemon juice
• 1 tsp salt
• 4 large eggs
• 1 cup nuts
• 2 cups of dried fruit
• 1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila

Sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.

Turn on the electric mixer... Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar...Beat again.

At this point it's best to make sure the Cuervo is still OK, try another cup ... just in case.

Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Pick the frigging fruit off floor...

Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who giveshz a sheet.

Check the Jose Cuervo. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.

Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.

Don't forget to beat off the turner.

Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.

CHERRY MISTMAS

The 4-year-old nods his head in approval. The 6- year-old continues. "When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm going to say "hell" and you say "ass." "OK!" The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

Their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6- year-old what he wants for breakfast. "Aw hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."

WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear every step. The Mom locks him in his room & shouts "You can just stay there till I let you out!"

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4- year-old, and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast young man?"

"I don't know," he blubbers, "But you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios!"

"In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle", he said.

"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells."

Saint Peter said "you may pass through the pearly gates."

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"

The man replied, "They're Carol's."