|
|
|||||||||||||||||||
|
Football Funnies In honor of the Super Bowl this Sunday, this week's issue of Friday Funnies is dedicated to football and its fans. Last week I asked for pigskin jokes and you certainly responded. Thanks to Stephen for the John Elway joke. Thanks to Chris, a Patriots fan, for "My Dad Is Better Than Your Dad". Thanks to Meghan and Miranda who both sent the "Touchdown" joke. Thanks to Joey from New York for "Football Fan to the Rescue" and thanks to CavaliersFan for "UVa Vs. VT". Thanks to Conklin for "true football fan" and thanks to Ellen for "Animal Super Bowl." Finally, thank you to Charles M. Schultz for years and years of laughter, particularly featuring Charlie Brown, Lucy and a football. John Elway goes to Heaven John Elway, after living a full life, died. When he got to
heaven, God was showing him around. They came to a modest little house with a
faded Broncos flag in the window. "This house is yours for eternity, John," said
God. "This is very special; not everyone gets a house up here." John felt
special, indeed, and walked up to his house. On his way up the porch, he noticed another house just around the corner. It was a 3-story mansion with a Green & White & Silver sidewalk, a 50 foot tall flagpole with an enormous EAGLES logo flag, and in every window, an Eagles emblem. John looked at God and said "God, I'm not trying to be ungrateful, but I have a question. I was an all-pro QB, I won 2 Super Bowls, and I even went to the Hall of Fame." God said "So what's your point John?" "Well, why does Donovan McNabb get a better house than me?" God chuckled, and said "John, that's not Donovan's house, it's mine."
My Dad Is Better Than Your Dad Little Johnny went to school one Monday morning in mid-February. It was the day he'd been dreading all year. It was "tell us about your father day" at show and tell. The first little girl got up and said "My daddy is a fire fighter. He puts out fires and saves little kittens from trees." Another boy stood up. "My father is a doctor. He makes people feel better when they've become sick or broken a bone." Another little girl stood up. "My father is a construction worker. He's built many buildings, including our school." Finally, it was Little Johnny's turn. He walked up in front of the class and looked around nervously. What seemed like hours passed, and he finally blurted out "My daddy works as a dancer in a gay Cabaret. He dances naked until 2:00 a.m. then he takes men behind the curtain to earn extra money." Shocked, his teacher pulled him aside. "Johnny," she asked, "is everything you said true?" Blushing, Johnny said "No. I made it up. I'm embarrassed about my father's profession." The teacher said "How much worse could it be? What does your daddy do?" Beginning to cry, Johnny said "He plays for the Philadelphia Eagles!" The teacher now understood.
Touchdown An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After lying in bed for a few minutes the old man cut a fart and says "seven points." His wife rolls over and asks, "What in the world was that?" The old man says, "Touchdown, I'm ahead 7 to nothing." A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says, "Touchdown, tie, score." After about ten minutes later the old man farts again and says, "Touchdown I'm ahead 14 to 7." Now starting to get into this the wife quickly farts again and says, "Touchdown, tie score." The old man strains really hard but, to no avail he can't fart, so not to be outdone by his wife, he gives it everything he has and strains real hard to get out just one more. Straining, the old man tries so hard he poops in the bed. The wife asks, "Now what in the world was that?" The old man replies, "Half-time, switch sides." Football Fan To The Rescue Two boys are playing football in Central Park when one is
attacked by a rabid rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips a board off
of a nearby fence, wedges it down the dog's collar and twists, breaking the
dog's neck. "Young Giants Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal," he writes in his notebook. "But I'm not a Giants fan," the little hero replies. "Sorry, since we are in New York, I just assumed you were," says the reporter. "Little Jets Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack," he writes in his notebook. "I'm not a Jets fan either," the boy says. "I assumed everyone in New York was either for the Giants or Jets. What team do you root for?" the reporter asks. "I'm a Cowboys fan," the child says. The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "Little Redneck Maniac Kills Beloved Family Pet". UVA vs. VT Football If you have a Virginia Tech football player and a UVA Foootball player in the same car at the same time, who drives? The state trooper!! True Football Fan Recently, I was at a Packers game. My seat wasn't the greatest, so when i noticed a vacant seat on the fifty yard line 10 rows up, I headed towards it. I asked the man sitting next to it if the seat was taken. He replied, "No". I started talking to the man and I learned he owned the seat I was in. He said, "My wife use to love to come to these games until she died." "Why didn't you give this seat away to a friend?" I asked. He replied, "Because they are all at her funeral." Football Animals During the Super Bowl, there was another football game of note
between the big animals and the small animals. The big animals were crushing
small animals and at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the
little animals. The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, "I did," said the centipede. "Who stopped the rhino?" "Uh, that was me too," said the centipede. "And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?" "Well, that was me as well," said the centipede. "So where were you during the first half?" demanded the coach. "Well," said the centipede, "I was having my ankles taped."
|
|
|||||||||||||||||
|
Copyright 2003-2005 Sunfyre.com and Jason Tweed except where otherwise noted -- for permissions, contact Sunfyre |
|||||||||||||||||||
