When the hospital director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered that Edna be discharged from the hospital because she now considered Edna to be mentally stable.

The director went to Edna and said, "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you're being discharged because you responded so rationally to a crisis by jumping in the pool to save the life of another patient. Your action displays sound mindedness.

The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with mom and you.

I've been finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice - even with all her piercing, tattoos, and her tight Motorcycle clothes.

But it's not only the passion dad, she's pregnant, and Joan said that we will be very happy. Even though you don't care for her as she is so much older than I, she already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.

She wants to have many more children with me, and that's now one of my dreams too.

Joan taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with her friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better; she sure deserves it!!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself.

Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your son,

John

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Kevin's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer.

I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.

"Hello, is this Father Ernie, the pastor at Holy Family?"

"It is."

"This is the IRS. Can you help us?"

"I can"

"Do you know a Patty Muldoon?"

"I do"

"Is he a member of your congregation?"

"He is"

"Did he donate $10,000 to the church?"

"He will".

During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Anthony's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Anthony volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Maria and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Maria came to Anthony saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote:

Dear Momma,
I'm not saying that you 'did' take the sugar bowl from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take it. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, Anthony

Several days later, Anthony received a response email from his Momma which read:

Dear Son,
I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Maria, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.
Love, Momma

Ford Direct is a marketing vehicle for Ford Motors. I tried it out, and was pleasantly surprised.

Here's how it works. You choose a model of your vehicle, then all the special options available. You can examine the models online, then request a quote. To request a quote you'll have to provide name, address, and telephone number along with your email.

I tried it, and was pleasantly surprised. The day after I submitted the request, a woman from our local Ford dealership sent me an email, then called later that day. I had put on the request form that I'm interested in a car in about 12 months. She simply told me that the 2006 cars will be out by then, so she gave me her number and asked me to call her back when I started looking.

That was four months ago. I haven't received phone calls or any email since. They don't harass you, just offer price quote once, and invite you to stop by the dealership.

Friday Funnies earns $4.00 for every reader who fills out the form, and accepts a call from a dealer. There truly is no obligation. If only 9 of my readers try it out, the bills for this month will be paid!