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Lose Weight for the New Year and
Look like Jennifer Garner
 My Guilty Pleasure show is Alias, starring Jennifer Garner.
The season premier was a two-hour special on Wednesday night.
I watched it twice actually. Not because I'm obsessed, but
a friend called me about 10 minutes before it started and asked
me to tape it. She came over last night and watched it
with me. You're wondering what
this has to do with weight loss. Well, on January
1st, you and about half of America decided to make a resolution
to lose some extra weight. On January 5th, advertisers
decided you were too fat as well, especially those of you who
watch Alias.
The first time I watched the
premiere was with Kristen, and about 3/4 of the way through I
noticed an exceptional number of weight loss related ads.
So many, in fact, that's why I sat through the entire episode
again. Kristen helped me write down every weight loss or
dieting related commercial. I came up with 15 companies,
she came up with 16. Many of them aren't typically related
to weight loss, but had a distinct dieting twist to this
particular commercial.
First, there were several
standard weight loss ads.
Then, a couple products whose
ads don't typically address healthy lifestyles, but they made an
exception this week.
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Milk (24 ounces in 24 hours
helps you lose weight.)
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Jared was back in the Subway
commercials, two different commercials.
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This week's 20/20 episode is
about weight loss.
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Applebees Restaurant has a
Weight Watchers menu.
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Wal-Mart is the place to
save money on everything healthy.
Finally, the bullshiit artists
came out. These are the commercials who attempted to
convince me they are diet foods.
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Dannon and Yoplait both
perpetuated the myth that yogurt is diet food.
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Wheat Thins claimed zero
grams of "trans-fat".
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Three Musketeers advertised
they are lower fat than other candy bars.
Here's the truth:
Compare yogurt to milk.
A single six-ounce serving of original Yoplait yogurt (from
my refrigerator) contains 170 calories. Total
carbohydrates is 33 grams, 27 of which are from sugar!
An eight-ounce serving of 2% milk (fills you up more) and
only has 11 grams of carbohydrates, and 120 calories.
Milk also contains 50% more calcium, which some
legitimate studies indicate may help you lose weight. milk
also has 20% more vitamin D and more vitamin C.
(Yogurt does have slightly more phosphorus, whatever that
does.)
Reduced Fat Wheat
Thins contains 4 grams of fat including 1 gram of saturated
fat. While not a high fat snack, you get 150 calories
an a bonus of 260mg of sodium. Neither of these are
too bad, but you get virtually no nutrition. The only
nutrient over 2% is iron at 6%. If you want a healthy
snack, eat an apple. Need the iron? Try
broccoli.
My personal favorite...
Three Musketeers is a Candy Bar. If I have to look
this one up for you... you're too far gone... have a
Snickers, they taste better!
The one advertisement on which
we disagreed was from Victoria's Secret. Apparently they
are having a sale on large breasts, two for the price of one, or
something. I wasn't really listening, but Kristen took it
as a "you wish you were this hot" ad that suggests you might
look like this with the right bra.
Apparently the advertisers are
winning the war. Following the episode Kristen looked at
me and said "Honey, I want to look like Jennifer Garner."
To show my support for my wife,
I said "Honey, I too want you to look like Jennifer Garner."
That's just the type of husband I am.
If you missed it, here’s the entire
episode…
The show opens with Sydney Bristow in an
incredibly sexy outfit, seducing a bad guy selling top
secret stuff to other bad guys. Then her cover is blown, and
all Hell breaks loose. Lots of punching and kicking begin.
...Flashback 72 hours to find out how it all
begins…
Sydney’s job is in jeopardy because of rogue
behavior, Vaughn is a cry-baby again, and Sloane controls
the world again. Something bad happens, and they show how
Sydney ended up in the sexy outfit.
SunFyre contemplates masturbating to thoughts
of Sydney later. (Which, if done properly, can burn several
hundred calories.)
Sloane reveals the bad, bad man, and sends
Sydney after him with a sword. She almost dies, then saves
the world, thanks to help from friends and family and a
computer nerd named Marshall.
I'll be tuning in January 12th to
see if advertisers have given up on us already.
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