1. Go in the ladies room and vomit,
then tell your supervisor you are sick. This method is
used, and abused too often, so chunks of on your shirt, or
clear evidence of puke-breath is essential.
2. Chop off a small limb, but only if you work in a
machine shop. In an office, a paper cut will get you a
day off, but you spend the day filling out workers
compensation papers.
3. Paint red dots
on your face and tell your coworkers that a swarm of bees
attacked you in the copy room.
4. If
the cafeteria is serving split pea soup or New England clam
chowder, dump a bowl on your computer keyboard. You
will have to pay the guys in tech support a twenty to keep
quiet, because they've seen this one a hundred times.
5. Have someone impersonate Ed McMahon and show up at
your desk with balloons and TV cameras and a check for 10
million dollars.
6. Shave your head in the men's room
and tell everyone you caught cancer over lunch.
7. Have a friend who collects automatic weapons charge
into the office shooting. The friend doesn't actually
have to shoot anyone to give everyone the day off.
8. Get a large baked potato and place it in the back
of your underwear and run around the office saying "Gotta
go, gotta go, gotta go right now!" Chocolate pudding
also works well.
9. If you work night
shift, start howling at the full moon. Caution, only
use this excuse once a month.
10. If
you work for a utility company, discreetly light your hair
on fire, then holding a dead wire, dance around screaming "zzzt,
zzzzzzttt, ZZZZZZZTTT" with your teeth clenched.
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