Real Movie Ratings
Like many other web guys,
radio
guys, newspaper
guys, and
TV
guys, I enjoy
spouting my opinion about the latest movie I just saw. (And if you think
I'm sexist because I only mentioned guys above, I challenge you to come up with
a single well known female movie reviewer.) Anyhow, I decided that
Ebert
and the dead guy had thumbs up, thumbs down. Lots of people use stars,
anywhere from three to five being top notch. I even saw a reviewer who
offered adult video reviews ranging from "flacid & floppy" to
"purple & throbbing".
Well, SunFyre has a system! I realized that all
my readers really want to know is "Am I going to get ripped off?" when they
see a movie. How many times have you said, "Let's wait for that one
on video." because you weren't sure if it was worth the movie ticket
price. Well, finally you'll have definitive answers using my simple
ratings system.
The lowest rating a
movie can get using this system is "give me two hours of my life
back." These are movies so bad that, even the rental price isn't as
painful as your valuable time and energy. Often I won't even review these
in great detail, because these pieces of celluloid crap don't deserve more of my
time. Occasionally you'll have to trust me on this rating. I will
however always give positive credit where credit is due. For example, the
Jim Carrey movie
Dumb and Dumber falls in this
category, unless of course... if
you enjoy flatulence, this film has probably the best fart scene in history.
All those"wait for video, or better yet,
HBO" movies are here. Some of
these simply aren't worth paying the high ticket price, and others are just more
enjoyable in the privacy of your own home. Occasionally a bad movie with
great visual effects appears here. If so, I'd recommend seeing it in the
theater if you have a cheap second run place nearby. You'll find lots of
romantic comedies and mediocre suspense flix here.
If you're a guy
like me, you've never seen a movie for seven bucks. People go to the
movies with other people. You get the mega cup of soda to share, then
realize nobody else likes Sprite, and end up drinking it yourself. You
wait in line 20 minutes, get popcorn with salt and butter that somehow tastes
better than micro-pop. You squeeze into a crowded theater then sit for two
and one-half hours then rush out to the bathroom because the sprite has been
screaming in your bladder for the past twenty minutes. There's a lot at
stake when taking in a movie. Our third category of movie are films that
are worth all the pain in your wallet and abdomen. Great movies you'll
talk about for at least a week and be proud to say "I saw that in the
theater".
These are great
movies. See them in the theaters, several times if possible. Buy
them on DVD and show them to friends time and again. These are change-your-life movies. They can be great stories,
amazing acting, original writing, and important cinematic works... or maybe they
are just my favorites. Regardless, go see them, rent them, purchase them,
and see them again.
Every video and movie I review will include one of the above tags. Of
course, every film rating is a subjective opinion so please,
SunFyre
|
|
|
